Jeremy Robinson - The Didymus Contingency

“It is not for you. Return home and tell how much God has done for you,” Jesus replied, as he gently steadied Samuel on his feet.

“Yes, my Lord,” Samuel said, and with that he headed away from the beach.

The remaining members of the crowd ran away as Samuel approached, leaving fourteen alone on the beach.

Jesus turned toward the sea and watched as the sun began to set. David and Tom stood next to him. “Maybe tomorrow won’t be so long?” David said with just a hint of a smile.

Jesus nodded and they watched the herd of dead pigs float off into the sunset.

Arizona

Tom had been vexed since 1997, when Peggy’s Porker Palace removed Honey BBQ baby back ribs from their menu. He had enjoyed the meal twice a week for years and then one day they were gone. Tom inquired to the reason for the tasty food’s disappearance and was told by Peggy herself, “Ain’t enough cows with ribs in the world to feed the likes of the beasts eatin’ here. Get too many complaints when we run out. Fights break out. Tables get broke. We losin’ money ’cause a them ribs. That’s the truth.”

Tom had seen one of those infamous rib brawls and knew Peggy was right. But it was now within Tom’s power to enjoy the meal at least one more time. Tom and David picked a night when they knew their past selves wouldn’t be dining and tore through time and space for a savory meal. They looked forward to modern convenience, which was a welcome change to what they had endured for some time.

They had experienced a dazzling array of events: Jesus fed five thousand men, plus their wives and children. Tom had estimated the true number of people to be closer to eighteen thousand. Plenty of people, time and confusion for Jesus’s secret society of helpers (that was Tom’s latest theory) to make several trips to neighboring villages, cities and markets and return with enough fish and bread to feed the masses. It was an elaborately staged magic show. One that Tom thought David Copperfield might do better.

In what Tom considered to be one of Jesus’s best performances, they witnessed Jesus walk on water. It was truly amazing at first, but Tom found flaws as usual. Tom noticed Jesus rise and fall with each wave, so he was indeed standing on something, but not the water. A thick fog had rolled in and visibility was poor. At times Jesus’s feet could be made out, but generally, the fog blocked Tom’s view. Tom concluded that Jesus had taken advantage of the foggy air to perform a rather stunning visual illusion by standing on a floating plank. Tom was now a firm believer…that Jesus invented surfing.

Over the months that followed, they saw Jesus heal more men and women from various ailments-all of which Tom believed to be staged, like so many modern TV evangelists. They heard Jesus tell parables, confusing stories that meant something else all together. David was the only one who seemed to get the hidden meaning on the first telling, but Tom noticed David was changing too. When he watched Jesus perform miracles his eyebrows would furrow instead of raise, his eyes would squint instead of widen and he would attempt to view the event from several angles. Tom saw this behavior and knew that David was still a scientist. He couldn’t help himself from dissecting each miracle, observing, measuring and hypothesizing. What Tom couldn’t see was the outcome to David’s scrutinizing.

Even Tom had become partially distracted from his goals. He became more comfortable in the past and closer friends with Judas, Matthew, Peter and Jesus. The group often acted like college men, wrestling and playing pranks on each other. They once conspired against David and set a trap of Tom’s design. A bucket of water was placed on a door and when David entered the room, the bucket crashed down and soaked him, bringing on a fit of laughter from all present. To Tom and David this was an old prank seen on TV, but to their ancient friends, it was a priceless new gag.

With all that was happening, all they were experiencing, internally and externally, Tom and David lost track of time. Before they knew it, they had been living in ancient Israel for almost two years. Two years…they deserved a break. At night, when everyone was sleeping, they stole off into the darkness, walked two miles from the nearest sign of civilization and made the trip back to the future to enjoy a hot plate of Honey BBQ ribs and a glass of drinkable water.

Tom stretched, making room in his already overstuffed and ballooning belly. He had eaten two portions of ribs-more food than he might eat in three days back in ancient Israel. His stomach had protested at first, but Tom forged on. David hadn’t eaten as much, but did partake in an above average amount of Wild Cherry Pepsi. He had already used the bathroom four times and Tom imagined David wouldn’t be sleeping for another day from the caffeine circulating through his system. But they agreed, while the sweet, sweet taste of modern food wreaked havoc with their now healthy bodies, it was well worth any discomfort.

After being silent while they devoured their meals, Tom finally noticed they were being watched. Every eye was on him and David, curiously inspecting the two hungry men. Tom realized what puzzled the thick bodied and thicker headed Porker Palace patrons; in the excitement to eat good food, he and David had neglected to change into proper attire. They were both still wearing their ancient robes, which were dirty, but still very colorful. They did their best to ignore the probing eyes surrounding them.

“Do you think we should have changed first?” David asked.

“I’m sure they’ve seen stranger,” Tom said, as he downed a glass of water and slapped it on the table as though it were a shot of vodka. “Never thought I’d be so glad to drink a glass of water.”

“After returning to the modern world, are you sure you want to go back?” David asked.

“A little late to try changing my mind again, isn’t it?” Tom replied.

“Just wondering what you’re going to do when all this is over? Jesus will die and rise again and you’ll be a Christian. You’re just going to come back to the future like nothing has changed?”

“A: There is no way in hell I’m staying back there a day longer than this takes. B: Jesus won’t rise from the grave, and I’m pretty sure he’s not going to die either,” Tom said.

“So the Bible is one hundred percent fiction?”

“That’s my guess. A fictional book based on the life of the original Houdini.”

As Tom sat back, happy with his comment, he noticed two rather sizable hicks pointing and laughing at him and David. Tom did his best to ignore the men and continued the conversation. “So is your savior everything you expected him to be?” Tom asked.

David shifted in his seat. “What?”

“Jesus…not everything you expected him to be, is he? Doesn’t exactly fit the perfect little cookie cutter mold the religious world has given him,” Tom said.

A sadness filled David’s eyes as he stared blankly at the table. Tom didn’t expect this response from his normally stubborn colleague. “You’re having doubts, aren’t you! Now that you’ve met the guy and he’s more human than you want him to be…you’re having doubts.”

Tom smiled ear to ear and continued, “I mean really, any guy who can be friends with me could never be the savior of the world, right?”

David looked up and said, “Tom…I-”

“Hey, aren’t you fellas late fer your Mary Kay party?” shouted one of the two hicks, now standing right next to them.

Tom and David did their best to ignore the man and continue their conversation, “Tom-”

“Didn’t you hear him, boy?” shouted the second hick, standing above David.