Joseph Kanon - Los Alamos

“I know.”

“I mean, it’s been swell, but as far as I’m concerned, if we never—” She stopped, looking shaky.

“You all right?”

“Oh God,” she said, stubbing out the cigarette and searching the room for the door. “I hate to drink and run. Do give my apologies to the rest of the guests.” She moved unsteadily away from the table.

“Are you all right?” he said, following her. But now she bolted for the door, and by the time he caught up with her, they were outside and she was doubled over by the side of the building, retching.

“Don’t watch, for God’s sake,” she said sharply, choking. He looked away, up toward the wonderful night sky, not knowing what to do. It seemed wrong to stay and impolite to walk away. He took out a handkerchief as he heard her heave. Finally, when it was quiet again, he turned and held the handkerchief out to her. She took it without looking up.

“God, how embarrassing,” she said, gulping now for air. “I’ve never been sick before. You didn’t have to stay.”

“Sorry,” he said, moving away. “Sure you’re all right now?”

“Of course I’m not all right. Oh,” she said, clutching her stomach.

“It’s the altitude.”

“It’s not the altitude. It’s the bloody drink.” She held up her head and took in a deep breath. “Well, this is awfully intimate, isn’t it?” she said, laughing at herself. “Or is it just part of the security service?”

“Do you want me to find your husband?”

“No, let him dance. Wot larks. I’m perfectly capable of—” She started to move unsteadily, then stopped, swaying. “Christ. Look, as long as you’re here, do you have an arm that goes with that handkerchief? I’m just down that way.”

He took her arm and felt her lean against him as they walked slowly down the dirt road. Her body was warm, and it trembled slightly, either from the chill or from the aftereffects of being sick. She said nothing, as if she had to use all her concentration just to walk, and in the quiet he felt more aware of her than he had before. But why was everything confused up here? As she leaned into him, holding on to his arm, they might have been a couple walking home from a dance, eager to touch each other, slightly tipsy from drink and the promise of sex. But they weren’t that. She was someone else’s wife, and in the morning, with her headache, she wouldn’t even remember who he was.

“This is it. My Sundt palace. Thanks. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be.”

She smiled wryly. “I’ve got a feeling I’m going to be even sorrier. Well. You’ve been a gentleman. Now if you’re really a gentleman, you’ll forget all about this. Mum’s the word, just like the loose-lips posters.” She was trying to rally, but her earlier high spirits had wilted with the evening. “Just forget you ever met me.”

“No, I don’t want to do that.”

She looked up at him. “Thanks. Do it, though, will you?”

“Do you have your key?”

“What?” she said, looking puzzled, then remembered the walking-home ritual. “Oh. No, it’s not locked. We never lock doors here.” She gestured around her to the isolated dark, implying the fences, the guards. “It’s the safest place in the world.”

Oppenheimer was as alert as he’d promised, and the coffee just as good. His office was not much bigger than Groves’s, but it was filled with the nesting memorabilia of someone who had come to stay. Connolly glanced around the room, taking in the ashtrays, the piece of Indian pottery, the files piled everywhere. He wanted to linger over the photographs on the walls-colleagues from Berkeley? student days in Gottingen? — but it was impossible to look at anything else while Oppenheimer was in the room. He sat there smoking, so animated and intense that the rest receded to the flatness of a still life.

“I suppose you’ll want to talk to the police first,” he said. “I’d appreciate your reporting back to me on that. All I know is what Lieutenant Mills tells me, so now I’ll have to rely on you.” He looked at Connolly mischievously. “He is not, I trust, under suspicion himself?”

“You haven’t talked to the police?” Connolly asked. Oppenheimer smiled. “You forget. Officially, I don’t exist. None of us do. You’re among ghosts now.” And with the smoke floating around his gaunt face, he did, for a minute, look like one.

“Right. My mistake.”

“Never mind. We forget it ourselves from time to time-it’s difficult, not existing. No doubt the good general has already given you his security speech, so I won’t bore you by repeating it. Nothing must compromise the security of the project. As far as that’s concerned, you’ll have our full cooperation. Having said that, I should also say that I don’t want this incident to compromise the work of the project.”

“That’s just what General Groves said.”

“You surprise me. I felt sure he’d use this as an excuse to turn the place inside out. The general’s a great one for looking under mattresses and peeking through keyholes and all the rest of it. He seems to feel safest when no one knows anything at all.”

“He said you’d say that too.”

Oppenheimer smiled again, thinly, and put out his cigarette.

“Well, the general and I have been down this road many times before. We walk a very fine line here. On the one hand, the project is secret-everyone understands that-but on the other hand, its success depends on the free exchange of ideas. G.G.’s original plan was to compartmentalize everything. The production centers would be scattered around the country, and even here the units would work on parallel but separate tracks. Impossible, of course. Scientists can’t work with blinders on-you’d never get anywhere. So we worked out one of our Solomonic compromises. The department heads meet once a week to discuss where we are and keep everyone in the picture.”

“And what did the general get in the bargain?”

He smiled again and took out another cigarette. “Oh, I suppose that we still don’t communicate outside. You remember, of course, that in the Solomon story they never did divide the baby.”

“But everyone saved face.”

Oppenheimer nodded. “Anyway, we do what we can to keep security the way the general likes it. Something like this, however—” He trailed off to light the cigarette. “I don’t want it used as an excuse. After all, the poor man wasn’t killed here. General Groves may not like the idea of homosexuals in his army-actually, I doubt very much that he believes they exist anywhere; the general’s an innocent in his own way. But that’s no reason to ignore the obvious and launch a full security investigation because you’d prefer it to be something else.”

“Is it obvious?”

“I was told it was,” Oppenheimer said, somewhat surprised. “Isn’t it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, and Connolly saw that behind the intensity he was already tired.

“Well, certainly it would be convenient. Embarrassing for your office-and to think, of all the departments—” He picked up the thought again. “But convenient. Not the end of the world.”

“It was the end for him,” Connolly said, thinking of the photograph back in his room.

“Yes. It was that. You think me unsympathetic. I hope I’m not.” He continued rubbing the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes for a moment to ease the strain. “We keep losing the individual-it’s become so easy.” His talk drifted, almost to reverie, and Connolly was fascinated; it was like watching someone think. “You grow callous just to get through it.” He sat up, pointing to one of the piles on his desk. “How do you separate out what’s important? There’s algae in the water again-some of the women are complaining. Important? It is to them. Conant’s sending a delegation from Washington tomorrow and they’ll want a summary, which isn’t ready, and then a tour, which is disruptive, but it’s important to give them both somehow. Dr. Teller wants to see me and of course that’s always important, even when it isn’t, because if I don’t see him he’ll sulk and not work and that will be important. It’s all important, and sometimes you forget, just to get it all done. But a life-yes, you’re right, that’s something else again. I’d like to help you any way I can. I don’t want you to think otherwise. It’s just there’s so little time to go around.”