Michael Langlois - Bad Radio

We pulled up into one of the many vacant spaces in front of the lobby. White painted wooden railings ran along the front of the single-story building in an attempt to give the narrow walkway in front of the battered doors a homey, porch-like feel. It might have worked if not for the crude epithets scratched into the dingy white paint along the rough-cut two-by-fours.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said, as we rolled to a stop. She didn’t reply. “Listen, I want to come to Patrick’s funeral. I don’t have a phone number or even an address now. But there’s a number I can give you for a friend of mine. Will you call me and let me know when to come?”

“Is this friend another one of your war buddies?” She was looking straight ahead out of the windshield as she spoke.

“Yes. I’m going to visit Henry Monroe, maybe stay with him for a while until I figure out what to do about my farm.” There was no sense in rebuilding as far as I could see, but it also didn’t feel right to leave it the way it was. I needed to think about it. Afterwards.

“Henry. That’s the Professor, right?” I nodded. “My grandfather kept a picture of you guys in the living room, and he used to tell me stories the whole time I was growing up. I must have heard about that time he ran you over with a jeep to keep you from getting shot by a sniper a hundred times.”

“We never did find his mystery sniper, if there was one.” I had to smile. Everybody had heard the crack of the rifle, but that didn’t stop us from riding Patty about it anyway. Shad spent an entire week diving out of the way every time Patty started a vehicle.

“Henry has one of those pieces of metal, doesn’t he?”

“He might, if he kept it all these years.”

“He has one of those goddamn pieces of metal, and he knows what’s going on just like you do. The both of you know all about these bait things or whatever, and you know why my grandfather was killed, don’t you? And you’re just going to sit there like an asshole and not tell me, is that it? So long, Anne! Thanks a lot for the ride!”

“Anne-”

“Hey, fuck you, okay? I’m not going to get a pat on the head and then drive home to be by myself in my apartment worried about smelling some smell that isn’t there, or if crazy men are going to kick my door down and stab me to death! I’m scared and I’m not …” She pressed her face into her hands. “I’m not going to be sent away to just hide in my apartment and not know what’s going on.”

I guess I’m kind of thick sometimes. It had honestly not occurred to me that she was involved with this beyond the death of her grandfather. What was happening, and what had to be done felt private, part of a time and place that should have been long forgotten, just like those of us that had been there.

The idea that she was part of it now didn’t sit well with me. Call it an offended sense that she was intruding on something personal, or even shame if you want, but I just wanted to get out of the car without another word. Part of it, too, was that she seemed so young and untouched by the world, that the last thing I wanted to do was destroy that innocence.

I looked at her, sitting defiant and scared with her hands clenched together in her lap, and I realized that she didn’t want to be involved any more than I wanted her to be. I could see in her face that this was really about getting away from it. She needed to know that it was over, and not lingering over her forever, always waiting for something unknown to jump out around the next corner.

How did I tell her that she was better off only knowing about the bags without exposing her to the fact that there was more to fear out there?

“I’m coming with you to see Henry. Besides, you don’t even have a car, your truck is trashed.”

“I can rent a car.”

“I’m coming with you. If you’re going to go after those fuckers, then I want to be there. They killed my grandfather. I deserve to be there.”

“You can’t, you have to go to Patrick’s funeral.”

“The rest of my family can go and stand around a hole in the ground mourning an empty shell. I’m going to pay my respects by finishing what my grandfather started. I’m going to help you find what you’re looking for, just like he would have. I’m the only one left who can.”

That’s when I did a really shitty thing. I’m not a particularly nice man at the best of times, but this was pretty low, even for me. I think I justified it at the time by thinking that I’d send her home soon, but I may not have even bothered with that.

See, she was completely right. Without Anne, I didn’t have a tracker. I had to use her if I was going to have any chance of finding what I was looking for. I told myself that I could protect her, but I had been down this road before, and I knew that wasn’t true. Shadroe was proof of that. But I gave in anyway and gave her the lecture that she expected, because I knew that would seal the deal.

“Fine. But when I tell you to go, then you’re going to get in this car and drive away. No arguments, no complaining. When I decide that it’s too dangerous for you, that’s it. You don’t have any idea how bad this will get.” She opened her mouth to speak. “No, you really don’t have any idea. I’m only going to take a yes or a no.”

“Yes.”

As if any other answer was possible for her now. I got out of the car feeling dirty. She was right. I am an asshole.

Motels like the Sweet Pastures don’t generally see much traffic in the early-morning hours. The lobby was still and deserted. A bell rang against the doorframe when we came in, but we still had a long tired minute of leaning against the counter before a man slouched out of the back office.

“Help you?” He wore jeans and a short-sleeved yellow golf shirt that strained to encircle his meaty arms. His gut was hard and round and stretched the fabric to the point of near transparency.

Even though he was still relatively young, he had the look of an aging athlete about him, still strong beneath the flab. I doubt that in his high school football heyday he had seen himself a few years later working the counter at the Pastures. He was already getting on my nerves, having directed his greeting to Anne’s T-shirt, where it pulled tight across her breasts.

“Two rooms, adjoining if you have them,” I said.

His eyes flicked to me, then back across Anne, oblivious to her narrowed eyes. His tongue touched his lower lip. “Two rooms? Yeah, I have that. Be one-twenty plus tax. Checkout is noon tomorrow.” He pulled a couple of old-fashioned keys out of his desk, and I put my credit card and ID on the counter.

The keys were heavy brass with dark green plastic ovals attached to them by a ring, with room numbers printed in big faded gold block letters. He processed my card quickly and ignored the ID, his hands working deftly and without apparent supervision.

When he was done, he slid Anne’s key across the counter under his hand, but she pulled her fingers back before he could brush them with his.

“Eight and nine, to the right as you walk out. You need anything at all, sweetness, you just call the desk. I can let myself in.” His gaze crawled down her body.

Before I was aware of making the decision, I had already grabbed him by the back of the neck and slammed his head down onto the counter. The impact shook the entire front desk and cracked the wood of the countertop. He had managed to turn his face in time to save his nose and teeth, blood still sprayed out of his mouth as his lips split.

I wanted to yank his head up and slam it down again, this time hard enough to burst it open, but I didn’t. I don’t always have clarity at these moments, where I know I’m over the line and can stop myself, but this time we both got lucky.