Andrew Taylor - The American Boy

"Imprudent? Good God, is that what you call it? I understand you threw your Waterloo Medal at an officer of the Guards in Rotten-row."

"I regret it excessively, sir."

He sneezed, and his little eyes watered. "It is true that your aunt, Mrs Reynolds, was the best housekeeper my parents ever had. As a boy I never had any reason to doubt her veracity or indeed her kindness. But those two facts do not necessarily encourage me to allow a lunatic and a drunkard a position of authority over the boys entrusted to my care."

"Sir, I am neither of those things."

He glared at me. "A man, moreover, whose former employers will not speak for him."

"But my aunt speaks for me. If you know her, sir, you will know she would not do that lightly."

For a moment neither of us spoke. Through the open window came the clop of hooves from the road beyond. A fly swam noisily through the heavy air. I was slowly baking, basted in sweat in the oven of my own clothes. My black coat was too heavy for a day like this but it was the only one I had. I wore it buttoned to the throat to conceal the fact that I did not have a shirt beneath.

I stood up. "I must detain you no longer, sir."

"Be so good as to sit down. I have not concluded this conversation." Bransby picked up his eye glasses and twirled them between finger and thumb. "I am persuaded to give you a trial." He spoke harshly, as if he had in mind a trial in a court of law. "I will provide you with your board and lodging for a quarter. I will also advance you a small sum of money so you may dress in a manner appropriate to a junior usher at this establishment. If your conduct is in any way unsatisfactory, you will leave at once. If all goes well, however, at the end of the three months, I may decide to renew the arrangement between us, perhaps on different terms. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Ring the bell there. You will need refreshment before you return to London."

I stood up again and tugged the rope on the left of the fireplace.

"Tell me," he added, without any change of tone, "is Mrs Reynolds dying?"

I felt tears prick my eyelids. I said, "She does not confide in me, but she grows weaker daily."

"I am sorry to hear it. She has a small annuity, I collect? You must not mind me if I am blunt. It is as well for us to be frank about such matters."

There is a thin line between frankness and brutality. I never knew on which side of the line Bransby stood. I heard a tap on the door.

"Enter!" cried Mr Bransby.

I turned, expecting a servant in answer to the bell. Instead a small, neat boy slipped into the room.

"Ah, Allan. Good morning."

"Good morning, sir."

He and Bransby shook hands.

"Make your bow to Mr Shield, Allan," Bransby told him. "You will be seeing more of him in the weeks to come."

Allan glanced at me and obeyed. He was a well-made child with large, bright eyes and a high forehead. In his hand was a letter.

"Are Mr and Mrs Allan quite well?" Bransby inquired.

"Yes, sir. My father asked me to present his compliments, and to give you this."

Bransby took the letter, glanced at the superscription and dropped it on the desk. "I trust you will apply yourself with extra force after this long holiday. Idleness does not become you."

"No, sir."

"Adde quod ingenuas didicisse fideliter artes." He prodded the boy in the chest. "Continue and construe."

"I regret, sir, I cannot."

Bransby boxed the lad's ears with casual efficiency. He turned to me. "Eh, Mr Shield? I need not ask you to construe, but perhaps you would be so good as to complete the sentence?"

"Emollit mores nee sinit esse feros. Add that to have studied the liberal arts with assiduity refines one's manners and does not allow them to be coarse."

"You see, Allan? Mr Shield was wont to mind his book. Epislulae Ex Ponto, book the second. He knows his Ovid and so shall you."

When we were alone, Bransby wiped fragments of snuff from his nostrils with a large, stained handkerchief. "One must always show them who is master, Shield," he said. "Remember that. Kindness is all very well but it don't answer in the long run. Take young Edgar Allan, for example. The boy has parts, there is no denying it. But his parents indulge him. I shudder to think where such as he would be without due chastisement. Spare the rod, sir, and spoil the child."

So it was that, in the space of a few minutes, I found a respectable position, gained a new roof over my head, and encountered for the first time both Mrs Frant and the boy Allan. Though I marked a slight but unfamiliar twang in his accent, I did not then realise that Allan was American.

Nor did I realise that Mrs Frant and Edgar Allan would lead me, step by step, towards the dark heart of a labyrinth, to a place of terrible secrets and the worst of crimes.

Before I venture into the labyrinth, let me deal briefly with this matter of my lunacy.

I had not seen my aunt Reynolds since I was a boy at school, yet I asked them to send for her when they put me in gaol because I had no other person in the world who would acknowledge the ties of kinship.

She spoke up for me before the magistrates. One of them had been a soldier, and was inclined to mercy. Since I had indeed thrown the medal before a score of witnesses, and moreover shouted "You murdering bastard" as I did so, there was little doubt in any mind including my own that I was guilty. The Guards officer was a vengeful man, for although the medal had hardly hurt him, his horse had reared and thrown him before the ladies.

So it seemed there was only one road to mercy, and that was by declaring me insane. At the time I had little objection. The magistrates decided that I was the victim of periodic bouts of insanity, during one of which I had assaulted the officer on his black horse. It was a form of lunacy, they agreed, that should yield to treatment. This made it possible for me to be released into the care of my aunt.

She arranged for me to board with Dr Haines, whom she had consulted during my trial. Haines was a humane man who disliked chaining up his patients like dogs and who lived with his own family not far away from them. "I hold with Terence," the doctor said to me. "Homo sum; humani nil a me alienum puto. To be sure, some of the poor fellows have unusual habits which are not always convenient in society, but they are made of the same clay as you or I."

Most of his patients were madmen and half-wits, some violent, some foolish, all sad; demented, syphilitic, idiotic, prey to strange and fearful delusions, or sweeping from one extreme of their spirits to the other in the folie circulaire. But there were a few like myself, who lived apart from the others and were invited to take our meals with the doctor and his wife in the private part of the house.

"Give him time and quiet, moderate exercise and a good, wholesome diet," Dr Haines told my aunt in my presence, "and your nephew will mend."

At first I doubted him. My dreams were filled with the groans of the dying, with the fear of death, with my own unworthiness. Why should I live? What had I done to deserve it when so many better men were dead? At first, night after night, I woke drenched in sweat, with my pulses racing, and sensed the presence of my cries hanging in the air though their sound had gone. Others in that house cried in the night, so why should not I?

The doctor, however, said it would not do and gave me a dose of laudanum each evening, which calmed my disquiet or at least blunted its edge. Also he made me talk to him, of what I had done and seen. "Unwholesome memories," he once told me, "should be treated like unwholesome food. It is better to purge them than to leave them within." I was reluctant to believe him. I clung to my misery because it was all I had. I told him I could not remember; I feigned rage; I wept.