Iris Johansen - The Treasure

“We’ve tried rosemary, thyme, the leaves of the bush with that red berry. When will we stop?”

“When you’re no longer ill.”

“It’s bad enough to be ill, but it’s worse to have to eat these foul plants you keep stuffing in me.”

“Stop complaining. This is a worthwhile thing we do. Not only for you but for other women.”

“We? I’m the one who’s suffering.”

“I would do it, if I were with child.”

The exasperating thing was that Selene knew she spoke the truth. Layla was utterly relentless and completely convinced what she was doing was right. It was difficult to refuse someone with that extreme dedication. She could only hope that either her illness would naturally pass or Layla would find something she thought had allayed it. “If you give me one more nasty-tasting leaf to eat, I may not survive to bear-” She could see Layla was not listening.

Her expression was abstracted, her brow knitted in thought. “If it doesn’t work, tomorrow we will try basil.”

Selene wanted to knock the obstinate woman off her horse. She muttered an imprecation and spurred ahead to where Haroun and Antonio were riding.

Haroun fell back to ride beside her. “What is wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said curtly. “Why should anything be wrong?”

“You seem… disturbed. And you were ill again this morning.” He moistened his lips. “It is not a good thing to be ill every day. I’ve been worried.”

“It’s not good, but there’s nothing to be worried about.”

“Is it the fever?”

She shook her head.

“We should stop and let you recover.”

Why not tell him? She couldn’t keep it secret for long when he would see her every day. “It may take many months for me to recover from this affliction. I’m with child, Haroun.”

He smiled brilliantly. “I wondered… I remember Lady Thea was so taken. That’s why we’re going to seek out Lord Kadar?”

“Yes.”

“It is wise. He is honorable, and you and the babe will be safe with him.”

“I’m not going to put myself in his care. After we wed, I return to Montdhu.”

He nodded vigorously. “Until it’s safe for him to come to you. This land is not the place for you to be. Don’t worry, I will care for you in his place.”

“I don’t need you to-” She couldn’t finish. Haroun was so happy and earnest. If his attitude was annoying, it was also sweet. She was most moved. “I thank you for your concern. I’ll try not to be a burden.” Good God, that last sentence almost turned her stomach again. “I know I will be safe with you, Haroun.”

He flushed, and his smile became even more radiant. “You will. I promise. I’ll take care of you. You’ll be safe, Lady Selene.”

“The boy is hovering around you like a bee at a honeycomb,” Layla said in a low voice as she watched Haroun make up Selene’s pallet that night. “You told him?”

Selene nodded. “He had to know sometime. He was concerned.”

“We should have told him before. He seems a good enough lad.”

High praise from Layla. Selene smiled. “Very good.”

“But his fussing is going to annoy you.”

“Probably.” But not as it would have once, she realized. It was as if the knowledge of the child had softened and dulled all the sharp edges. She seemed to think more clearly, react less impulsively.

“You’re feeling well tonight.” Layla was studying her.

She smiled. “You didn’t force any herbs on me this evening.”

“Tomorrow. It’s not always good to mix.” She shook her head. “No, it’s something else.”

Hope. The thought came out of nowhere. How odd. Hope had always been a rarity in her life. She had been too often disappointed. You took action to achieve your needs; you didn’t hope for them. Yet it was hope stirring within her now. It had been growing day by day on their journey. The child?

“I feel…” She couldn’t explain what she didn’t understand herself. “I feel as if everything is going to be all right.”

“Perhaps it will.”

She made a face. “Or perhaps this contentment is God’s way of protecting babes.”

“It’s possible. It’s certainly brought a change in you. You’ve not even mentioned Tarik or the grail since you found you were with child.”

It had not seemed important. Only getting to Kadar and the reality of the child was of any significance. “Kadar says when I fix my mind on something, I can’t see anything else. I suppose he’s right.”

“He appears to know you very well.”

“Yes.” All those hours and days and years together. “How long before we arrive in Rome?”

“Three days.”

In three days she would see Kadar again. Three days and he would know about the child. Not that it would change things, but she would see his face and it would be-

“Sweet Mary, are you ill again?”

Her startled gaze flew to Layla’s face. “Why would you think that?”

“You have a most asinine and befuddled expression.”

Selene frowned. “I do not. I was merely-” She stopped as she realized Layla was smiling. “Your humor is unkind.”

“Humor is humor. Kind or unkind, it’s our salvation. Become accustomed to my roughness. I can be no other way.” She looked into the fire. “Will you stay with him?”

“No.”

“Why not? A blind woman could see you have a fondness for him.”

“Yes.”

“But you’re fighting it.”

“No, I’m done with fighting it. But that doesn’t mean I should stay with him. It probably means I should not.” She paused. “I thought he was the one person on this earth who would never lie to me. But he did.”

“Treachery?”

“Not exactly.”

“We all lie to each other on occasion. To be kind, to be cruel.” She paused. “Just as we lie to ourselves.”

Selene stiffened. “You’re saying I lie to myself?”

“Possibly. You said Tarik told you that you were like me. There’s a part of each of us in the center of our being that remains alone and inviolate. It’s hard for me to let anyone get close to that center, even a loved one. You may be the same.” She lifted her gaze. “If you have reason, leave this Kadar, but don’t lie to yourself to protect that aloneness. Loneliness can be very bitter.”

“I never lie to myself,” Selene said quickly. “And, besides, Tarik said if I stayed with Kadar I’d be a danger to him.”

“Tarik had his own reasons to want you away from him.”

“But I believe this to be true.”

“There are other solutions to danger than running away.” She rolled up in her blanket and closed her eyes. “Think about it.”

“I don’t need to think about it. I’ve made my decision and I’ll not-”

“Go to sleep.” Layla yawned. “I weary of talking to you, and I need my rest. No doubt you’ll wake me early with that hideous retching.”

She had closed her out, Selene realized with frustration. She turned and strode to her own pallet.

“You look troubled. Do you not feel well?” Haroun asked from his own pallet a few yards away.

She smiled with an effort as she lay down. “I’m only tired.”

“We should not force the pace. You need your rest.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do.” She rolled over on her side and closed her eyes. “I’m fine. It will only be another three days.”

But she wasn’t sure she would be able to survive Haroun’s hovering for those three days without exploding. She should never have told him about the babe.

“Do you need another blanket?”

“No, I’m quite warm.”

“I could stir the fire.”

She said slowly and carefully, pausing between each word, “I don’t need anything, Haroun.”