Chevy Stevens - Still Missing

“It was my fault?”

“You saw how Val treated me. How she looked down at us.”

“And I saw how you treated her, but she didn’t have her daughter abducted, did she?”

Eyes filling with tears, she said, “You have no idea, Annie. No idea what I’ve been through—” She broke off.

“It has something to do with Dwight, doesn’t it?”

Silence.

“If you don’t tell me, I’m just going to ask Aunt Val.”

Mom leaned on the table. “You CAN’T DO THAT TO ME, she’ll just use it to—”

The door opened and a cop stuck his head in. “Everything okay in here?”

I said, “We’re good.” Mom nodded and the cop closed the door.

“You do realize the media is probably already talking to Aunt Val.”

Mom’s shoulders tensed.

“Reporters will want every detail about you, what you were like as a kid, what happened in your childhood to make you such a crappy mother.”

“I’m a great mother, nothing like mine. And Val will never talk about our childhood. She doesn’t want anyone in her perfect world finding out what she did.” Her voice turned thoughtful. “She’d hate that….” One fingernail started to tap.

My stomach filled with dread. “Mom, don’t make this any worse than—”

She leaned across the table. “She was our father’s favorite, you know, but she was our stepfather’s most favorite.” She gave a bitter smile. “When my mother realized her husband was sleeping with one of her daughters, Val told her it was me. Next thing you know, my stuff is on the front lawn and our stepfather left town. If it hadn’t been for Dwight I’d have been living in a box.”

“Dwight?”

“When I got kicked out, I moved in with him. I was waitressing and he was laying brick when we came up with the idea for that bank.” Her eyes glistened. “After he got caught I was barely getting by working two shifts a day. Then Val came over with a guy she’d met, talking about how great his parents’ house was, how successful their jewelry store was….”

“Dad.”

We were both quiet for a moment.

“When Dwight was released, we were going to be together, we just needed money. But he got caught again, so I told him I had to move on and I did, I married Wayne.” She shook her head. “It wasn’t until you were going to get the project that I thought things might get better for me. But then I heard Christina was who you had to go up against. She was a much better Realtor.” Her breath hissed out between her teeth. “If you lost, Val was going to lord it over me for the rest of my life .”

“So you decided to ruin mine instead?”

“My plan would’ve helped you—you would’ve been set for life. But nothing worked out right. Wayne was useless but Dwight at least tried to do something.”

“Did he rob that store for you?”

She nodded. “I gave that movie producer your number, but you were wasting time and I needed a payment for the loan shark. I don’t know where Dwight is now.”

“Don’t you care at all about what you put me through?”

“I hate what that man did to you, but you were only supposed to be gone for a week , Annie. What happened after was an accident.”

“How the hell can you say this was an accident? You hired a man who raped me, who caused the death of my child!”

“It was like when you wanted ice cream, you asked your dad to go to the store.”

It took a moment for her words to register, even longer for me to find my voice.

“You’re talking about the accident.”

She nodded. “You didn’t mean for them to die.”

All the breath left my body as my chest constricted. The pain was so intense I wondered for a moment if I was having a heart attack, then I broke out in a cold sweat and started shaking. I searched her face, hoping I’d misunderstood, but she looked satisfied— vindicated.

My eyes filled with tears as I choked out, “You—you do blame me for their deaths. That’s what this was all really about, you—”

“Of course not.”

“You do. You always have.” I was crying now. “That’s why you thought it was okay to—”

“You’re not listening, Annie. I know you just wanted ice cream—you didn’t plan for getting it to kill them. And I never meant for anything bad to happen to you, I just wanted Val to stop lording it over me.”

I was still reeling from that when she said, “But she won’t be for long. A lawyer is coming to talk to me tomorrow.” She stood up and started pacing in front of the table. I noticed the color was back in her cheeks. “I’ll tell him what it was like to grow up with Val as a sister, what she did with our stepfather, what my life was like after I got kicked out, how she’s always put me down—that’s verbal abuse .” She stopped abruptly and turned to face me. “I wonder if she’ll come to court. Then she’d have to sit there and watch while my lawyer—”

“Mom, if you take this to trial it’s going to wreck my whole life again. I’m going to have to talk about what happened. I’m going to have to describe how he raped me.”

She kept pacing. “That’s it! We have to get her on the stand so she has to describe what she did.”

“ MOM.” She stopped and looked at me.

I said, “Don’t do this to me.”

“This isn’t about you, Annie.”

I opened my mouth to argue, then froze as her words hit home. She was right. In the end it didn’t matter whether she’d done it for the money, to get attention, or to beat her sister once and for all. None of it was about me. It had never been about me. Not with her or with The Freak. I didn’t even know which one was more dangerous.

As I stood up and walked toward the door she said, “Where are you going?”

“Home.” I kept walking.

“Annie, stop .”

I spun around, braced for the tears, the I’m-so-sorry’s, the don’t-leave-me-here’s.

She said, “Don’t say anything to anybody before I get a chance. It has to be handled just right or—”

“Holy shit, you really don’t get it, do you?”

She stared at me blankly.

I shook my head. “And you’re never fucking going to.”

“When you come back, bring me a newspaper so I can—”

“I’m not coming back, Mom.”

Her eyes were huge. “But I need you, Annie Bear.”

I rapped on the door and said, “Oh, I think you’ll be just fine,” as the waiting cop opened it. While he locked Mom back in, I stumbled to a bench against the opposite wall. After he was done, he asked me if I was okay and did I want him to get Gary. I said I just needed a couple of minutes, and he left me alone.

I counted blocks on the wall until my pulse settled down, then walked out of the station.

The papers found out about my visit to the jail, and the next day’s headlines screamed speculations. Christina left a message for me to call her day or night if I needed to talk. She tried to hide it, but I could tell from her tone she was hurt I hadn’t told her myself I’d gone to see Mom. Aunt Val also left a hesitant-sounding message, making me wonder how much she knew. But I didn’t call either of them back, I didn’t call any of the people who left if-you-need-to-talk messages back. What was there to talk about ? It was over. Mom did it—the end.

A couple of days later I put the brochure for the art school on my night table. When I saw it the next morning I thought, Fuck it, if I’m going to follow my dream I need money , so I caved and called that movie chick. We had a good talk. I was right, she did seem to have some sensitivity and it sounded like she would respect my wishes. Even though she’s Hollywood, she talks like a normal person.