Chevy Stevens - Always Watching

Joseph’s face was calm, but there was a quick burst of anger in his eyes and a red flush at his neck. He hesitated, like he wanted to argue, but Aaron nodded, the motion dismissive, reminding me of someone releasing their pet dog from a hold position. Joseph bowed his head, closed the door behind him, and went through the other door out of Aaron’s office. I caught a quick glimpse of a darkened room. I also noticed a camera in the upper corner of the office and wondered if someone was watching.

I turned back to Aaron.

He smiled, and, his voice calm, full of confidence, said, “I can help you heal your relationship with your daughter, but you need to let go and trust—”

“I don’t need your perverted help.”

He looked pointedly in the direction Lisa had left. “Your daughter attacked you, Nadine. Nearly killed you.” I flinched at his brutal words, at the memory of lying in the darkened parking lot, wondering if I was going to die.

“She’s young and she’s in pain—you’re going to destroy her.”

“You had your chance to help her. You tried for years, did you not? But she was living on the streets, killing herself with chemicals. Now, in a matter of days, she’s sober, she’s happy, she trusts me. Why didn’t she tell you about her half brother? Why didn’t she trust you? Haven’t you been asking yourself the same thing?”

I listened to Aaron, my blood pounding hard in my ears. Wanting to walk away but transfixed, every word he was saying exposing all my secret fears.

Aaron continued. “When you were at the commune, I imagined you’d be such a good mother. I’d watch you with the other children at the river, wondering what kind of woman you’d grow up to be. But your mother took you away. Now I get to see your daughter and be part of her spiritual development. And you’re getting everything you’d wanted for your daughter, but you’re still not happy.”

I finally found my voice. “You’re not what I wanted for my daughter.”

“You have to be in control. Just like your mother couldn’t accept my leadership, you’re now doing the same. You’re not allowing me to be a gift to your daughter. You’re trying to destroy her happiness, but I’m saving her life.”

“You ruin lives. You take vulnerable people and manipulate them into believing they’ll never find peace unless they listen to you.”

“Isn’t that what you do? Make people think they need therapy, or they can’t handle their lives? I teach them that they have the answers already.”

He was too confident. I’d still never seen him shaken. There was only one person I’d ever seen him react to: Willow. Could I use that now?

“Is that what you did to Willow? Teach her?” I took a wild stab. “I know you killed her.”

He didn’t even flinch, just looked me straight in the eye, and said, “Willow wasn’t ready for my help. Lisa, on the other hand, is ready to change. The question is, Can you let her go? Can you put her spiritual needs above your own?”

I said, “If you touch her, if you do anything to her, I’ll make sure you spend the rest of your life in jail. I know I’m not the only one, Aaron. I’m going to hunt down every woman you ever hurt, and we will destroy you and this center—”

The door opened at the side of the office, and Joseph walked in. He was wearing a windbreaker now, like he’d been outside.

“It’s not right, the things she’s saying.” He pointed at me, then ran his hand through his hair as he paced. He must’ve been listening in from another room or watching the security cameras.

Aaron said, “It’s okay, Joseph. I have it under control.”

Joseph was shaking his head. “She wants to hurt you. I can feel it.” He was speaking fast and anxious. The small office was filled with the scent of his nervous sweat.

I wasn’t sure if I should speak, or if that might add to his agitation, but I decided to risk it. “I don’t want to hurt Aaron. I just want to talk with him.”

“I heard you! You said you were going to put him in jail.” Joseph was pointing at me again. “She said she’ll destroy the center. We have to stop her.”

My heart was racing as adrenaline flooded my body. Joseph looked like he could turn violent at any moment, his body tight and coiled.

Aaron said, “Everything’s okay. You can go back to your room.”

Joseph looked back and forth between us. “No. I can see it, the poison on her. It’s climbing up her arm.” His eyes widened, and I had to fight the urge to look at my arm, to see what he was seeing. But I knew there was nothing there.

Speaking gently, Aaron said, “She’s not a threat. The Light is protecting us against her bad energy.”

Joseph hesitated, looking at my arms again, then his body relaxed slightly, like whatever he’d seen before was now gone.

Aaron said, “Joseph, please leave us alone now.”

His face confused, Joseph nodded and left. He gave me one last look before he exited, his eyes red-rimmed and angry. I had the terrifying thought that if Aaron hadn’t calmed him down, Joseph would’ve attacked me a second later.

I reached for the door behind me. I had to get out of there right now. Aaron noticed my movement and said, “You can tell the police anything you want, Nadine, but nothing will happen to me or the center.” He smiled.

“We’ll see about that.” I left quickly, half expecting him to come after me, but I made it back to my car without mishap, not even running into a single member in the hallway on my way out. I considered looking for Lisa, but the building was too big, and there wasn’t anything I had to say that she wanted to hear.

As I drove away, I thought about how easily Aaron let me leave. I was no threat. I was nothing to him.

The rest of the way back to the city, my breath was tight in my throat and my hands were shaking on the wheel, my stomach sick with nerves. I drove straight to the police station. The officer I spoke with said they would talk to Aaron and Joseph, and that they’d also bring Garret in for questioning, but I already knew he’d deny everything.

Once I got home, I finally let myself cry. Now that I knew it was Garret who’d stolen Lisa from me, who’d sat at my dinner table smiling night after night, I felt betrayed, and even angrier at myself for not seeing the signs. So much was clear now. Her moodiness after each time he’d visited, her increase in drug use. I was hurt and disappointed that she hadn’t confided in me. It had been such a chaotic time, trying to finish my residency, Paul getting sick. Had I really been there for her? I’d tried, checking in with her daily, asking how she was doing, spending time with her, going to grief counseling together, in which she’d sat mute, but had I truly been present for her? Was I just so blindly trusting of Garret that I didn’t see him for what he was? I was also hurt—I’d loved him like he was my own child, opened my heart and life to him. Now I wanted to kill him myself, but I had to let the police deal with it.

It wasn’t until later, when I was huddled in my housecoat on the couch, that I also let myself cry about the fact that my daughter was so lost to me that she’d been the one who attacked me. I thought of her visiting me in the hospital in Nanaimo, how she had turned away. Would we ever be able to get past this?

The police called early in the morning. They’d spoken with Aaron, who had claimed that I’d shown up, pushed my way in, and had been abusive to some of his staff members. They also spoke to Lisa, who’d denied that Garret abused her. I attempted to defend myself to the police, but I knew how weak my justifications sounded, and, worse, how it must look to them: the Crown wasn’t going to pursue my case, so now I was making things up. The officer said, “They’ve made it clear you’re not welcome back. We understand that you’re upset your daughter is living there, but it seems like she wants to stay. It would be better if you just kept away in the future.”