Chevy Stevens - Always Watching

“Daniel, it’s Nadine. I was just following up on our last conversation.”

“Sorry, the job is taking longer than I’d thought. I promise, as soon as I get to the center, I’ll look for Lisa and let you know.”

I dropped my head onto the back of my couch as tears pricked my eyes. “Thanks.” I took a breath. “No one else I’ve talked to has been able to help.”

His voice was curious. “Who have you been talking to?”

“There was another victim, with a family member at the center. But she isn’t ready to speak to the police, and she can’t contact her family on the inside.”

“She probably just knows her lies will be found out. If you’d ever been to the center, you wouldn’t believe any of these accusations.” His voice was confident, proud. “Aaron’s a brilliant teacher. You just don’t know them.”

“I do know them, Daniel.”

I caught myself before I revealed more, hoping that Daniel might not have picked up on my slip, but he was quiet. Then, speaking slowly, as though he was still putting it all together, he said, “Wait…. Were you a member? Is that why…?”

Now it was my turn to pause, wondering if it was a good idea to tell him anything more. How much did I want him to know? I scolded myself. How can I expect others to share their stories when I’m still scared to talk about my own?

“I lived at the commune in Shawnigan when I was a child, with my mother and brother.”

“Really?” He sounded stunned, and confused. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“It wasn’t appropriate given the situation.” It still wasn’t. I was opening myself up to a lawsuit if Daniel ever did decide to sue the hospital.

Daniel said, “If you know them, then you know that the center isn’t doing anything wrong. They’re good people.”

I had already stepped out of my comfort zone, I might as well go all the way. “Daniel, I was one of Aaron’s victims. I made the report.”

Dead silence. Then, his voice angry and cold, he said, “Did you tell Heather these lies? Is that why she was so upset? What did you say to her?”

I saw the dangerous turn his thoughts were taking. He was one step from blaming me for her suicide. “I never told her any of this. She didn’t know.” I held my breath, hoping I hadn’t just lost Daniel. He was my only chance.

Daniel said, “Don’t call me again.”

The next morning, I came in early before my rounds so that I could talk to Kevin and get his advice. He’d phoned once since he left my house, but I’d been outside in my yard and missed it. I hadn’t had a chance to return his call, and I wasn’t sure yet what I wanted to do about that situation, but I had decided to go to the commune. If Lisa was there, I’d deal with it—I just needed to know one way or the other. But, and I hated to admit this, I was worried about facing Aaron.

Late the night before, I’d received two more harassing calls, both stating the same sentiment—they wanted me to stop. If I didn’t acquiesce, I was going to regret it. The police were looking into it, and I still suspected they were empty threats, but no less unnerving. Meanwhile, I was hoping Kevin would accompany me to the commune. When I got to the hospital, though, his office was closed, and Michelle told me he was at an all-day seminar. I called his voice mail and left a message, asking him to get in touch with me later.

For the rest of the day I focused on my patients. When I got home, I checked my messages, hoping that Kevin had called, but my voice mail was empty. Before driving out to the commune, I contemplated my decision again, wanting to be sure. I thought about the recent threatening phone calls and considered whether it was dangerous for me to go alone. With all the potential witnesses at the center, I didn’t think Aaron would risk hurting me. Worst case scenario, he might refuse to see me. I decided to take the chance.

Though I was anxious to go there right away, I took a few moments to mentally prepare myself. My insides were vibrating at the thought of facing Aaron again. I forced myself to eat something light, dressed warmly in jeans and a turtleneck, and made sure my iPhone was charged. I also called Connie and left a message telling her where I was going. It was starting to rain, so I drove carefully on the winding coastal road out to Jordan River while I went over my game plan. I had no idea if the main office would be open, but I was hoping they’d at least let me talk to Lisa. I’d threaten to call the police if I had to, though I wasn’t sure if that would hold any water. When I neared Jordan River, I slowed down. A truck came up fast behind me and passed on a narrow corner, sending my heart into my throat. Several more miles down the road, I spotted a few wooden buildings in a field on my left. Then I saw the large sign hanging over the gate.

THE RIVER OF LIFE SPIRITUAL CENTER.

I pulled in the driveway and parked in front of the main building, which looked like a luxury resort, with cedar siding, manicured hedges lining the driveway, and stone paths winding through gardens. The building was U-shaped, curved to take advantage of the view toward the ocean. The front entrance was stunning, with flagstone steps and large cedar posts framing the wood door, a couple of wrought-iron benches and potted plants on either side of the entranceway. There were also pretty outdoor lights lining the walkway, but no one was on the grounds. I noticed a small sign pointing to the office around the side and assumed it was in the smaller building to the right. I got out of my car.

A few pickup trucks were parked in the center of the commune, with dirty, mud-splattered farm vehicles, and a tractor pulling an empty trailer. Behind the buildings, there looked to be a barn, but I could only make out its roof, and in the wind, the wet scent of manure, hay, and animals. Near one of the fields, an old plow had been abandoned, moss growing over it, and in a puddle I spotted a child’s wooden toy train, its wheels broken. I remembered reading in the brochure that they had a school and an early-childhood educational department.

As I followed the signs to the office, I slowed my pace, my feet crunching on the gravel, wondering which building housed Aaron. I glanced back, feeling myself being watched, and noticed a child’s face peeking out from above a windowsill. A little boy, with a pale face and big eyes, his blond hair all in curls. He gave me a cheeky grin, then disappeared, the curtain dropping back in place. I wondered how many more children lived at the commune.

I found the office. There was a doorbell, with a sign saying Please ring after hours. I pressed the buzzer, which emitted a pleasant peal of chimes. I caught sight of a camera up in the corner, the red light blinking, and remembered Heather’s fear in the hospital. He sees everything. After a few minutes, the door opened. My body tensed, waiting for Aaron to appear, but it was a young woman, long-haired and clean-faced, in jeans and a white sweater.

She smiled. “Can I help you?”

I smiled back. “I hope so. My daughter is missing, and I’d like to know if she’s staying here. I’m very worried about her.”

Her expression kind, she said, “I’m sorry, but we can’t give out information on our guests.”

I said, “I’d like to speak with Aaron then, please.”

She studied me. “He doesn’t see people without appointments.”

“I think he’ll see me. I knew him when I was a child. If you could let him know that Nadine Jaeger is here, I’d appreciate it very much.”

She nodded, then said, “I’ll ask. Would you like to come in and wait?”

“Please.”

She led me inside. The office building was cozy and inviting, with tiled floors in earth tones, more wood beams, and a counter made from a long slab of cedar, stained a natural shade. Behind the counter, I could see some phones, a fax machine, a computer, and other business equipment. There was a door behind the counter that obviously led to some back offices. The front office opened up on the right to another smaller room, where there were books and crystals and CDs, and some basic sundries, like a gift shop at a resort. The woman motioned to some chairs and said, “I’ll see if Aaron will meet with you.” She disappeared into the back. I sat down on one of the chairs, noticing a small table with a scattering of magazines, mostly on health and meditation, living an organic life.