Johnny Temple - USA Noir - Best of the Akashic Noir Series

“What we doing on this good day here on Mount Calvary?”

“Celebratin’!”

“All right then, y’all hearing me. Only one thing that word could mean after how I just told it to you—‘I celebrate man.’ You celebrating the Lord God sending His One Son in man form just to sacrifice that human life so that the souls of we men would be forever saved. If you bring manifest, Church, then you celebrating the Good News. See how warm that makes you, just saying it. I know it makes me warm. Say it with me together, Church, and feel the shower of His Glory. Celebrate the Good News… Celebrate the Good News…”

“Celebrate the Good News!”

“Well all right then, Church. You been hearing about this fellow Teddy Mann all about the streets, ain’t you? If you ain’t heard, Church, then best time you listened in close. You come in here on Sunday morning and you feel sanctified bout the way of your souls, sacrificing your time for the One—”

“Amen,” the church sister squeals short-throated on her cane.

“Yes siree, Reverend—” the drummer boy in his clean green fatigues answers before he two-stick slaps his cymbals.

“Amen,” some Low End woman in the first balcony says before stomping square heels together.

“Sing his name on high now, Church. But the minute you step back outside them oak church doors, we ain’t on the Mount no more. You back in the world, Church, and it ain’t so warm. Not with that icy wind whipping up from the concrete. Even your Mah-shall Fields wool ain’t fine enough to keep you covered out there. Ain’t nobody praying to Him at the liquor store counter, no sweet virgin voices humming hymns by the lotto machine. Ain’t no Good Book studying in the battlefield, out there as one man spills his brother’s blood over the wages of sin, Church. No Reverend Jack preaching the Word over the rivers of pain and lakes of broken glass. Them folk don’t even know the Good Lord out there in the concrete world, do they, Church?”

“No sir,” Deacon Nate responds. “They don’t even know.”

“Or maybe they got the facts all switched up. Cause out there, I hear children who look just like your good children talking about Teddy Mann like he himself is the Lord God Almighty. Say Teddy be making rainwater fall out the sky; Teddy, he feeds us with the warmth of his crack glory. He brings smiles to faces flush of ashy worry and worn wrinkles. Teddy do so it, cause he’s the king of 79th Street, that concrete path. Folk swear they see him walking on top of the pond down by the Highlands. Strutting with the ducks just before he goes and turns that same water into wine, multiplies the fishes and loaves, cures the leper, and raises the dead. Breaks my heart to hear folk talking like so, Church, but I go on and listen to them desecrate and blaspheme Jesus’ holy name. These are my people, even when they lost in their confusion. I know this place, don’t I, Church?”

“Amen!”

All the flock, they did say alleluia-amen together, as Lucifer is a black angel fallen down from the choir, never the church board folk in Section C.

The Calvary ushers appear at the service hall’s front door with their fake gold sashes draping right shoulder to left hip. “Mount Calvary Missionary” is scripted in sparkling letters along the diagonal of their chests, and they cradle collection pots between stomachs and clasped hands. Ushers always start with the back row. Such is the price for coming late to the eleven thirty. So I reach into my left pocket, palm brushing against the Good News just slightly, but find nothing save for lint and receipts from my weekend fares. The church sister on her cane stands and stares at me crooked-eyed, no matter that it was me who carted her to the Mount. Because of her, I was late this morning.

I left all my spare cash locked in the yellow cab’s glove compartment, parked out in the new paved lot. Been leaving cash locked up since I accidentally dropped a hundred spot into the pot; that c-note earned carrying the serpent Teddy Mann from Cornell Avenue all the way out to O’Hare to catch his red-eye to the islands one Sunday morning. Tried to explain it to the usher, that longtime fellow flock member, how I’d made a mistake that good Sunday, tried to get my tip back from him. Missionary sash-wearing muthafucka just looked at me crooked-eyed as the church lady on her walking stick and strutted on to row twenty-four to continue collection rounds.

Ain’t got nothing for them on this good day then, nothing but my Good News message. So I climb over the legs of the other late folk and dash for the service’s corner door, holding on to my crotch like I’ve gotta go bad. Old church sister still stares at me though, I see her, and so does the reverend in the fourth corner movie screen, gray-black eyes beaming down. But I do make it to the red carpet stairs, and I let go of myself only as I touch the banister. I walk up along the thick fiber instead of down to the basement toilet. Got plenty of time before the collectors make it up top. Takes them twenty minutes to finish rounding up the fellowship loot from Section C. Don’t feel or hear a damn thing as I step into the blackness separating staircase from square stomp in the Payless balcony aisles. Nothing except for this Good News rubbing steel against my side and the reverend panting heavy into his podium mic.

Teddy Mann’s got the finest honey mamma ever seen on the Mount. Kind so fine you want to call her “mamma” just so you can go on pretending like you remember sliding headfirst from her in the beginning. And maybe you would’ve held on to that joy somewhere had you been the one so blessed; sure know if you were born from between there, Church, you wouldn’t need Reverend Jack to tell you a thing about Galilee.

Honey mamma looks to be some righteous mix of Humboldt Park Spaniard, Howard Street Jamaican rum, Magnificent Mile skyrising, and 95th Street sanctifying. Got slanted eyes, cold as Eskimo soles, and a fish-hook nose. Not a beak hook like mine, no, hers is curved upwards just so funk’s gotta climb to seep into her. Her skin’s the same color sand used to be on top of Rainbow Beach when I was little, but clean sand—only thing that shows against her smooth face is the peach fuzz barely sprouting from her pores. You only notice it if you’re blessed enough to catch yourself daring to stare her way; of course, you’re only so brave because Teddy Mann’s never to be found in these balcony pews.

Her smile is just slightly yellowed from all the sugar breathed from bubblegum lips. She’s tall, not so tall to cast shadow over that sly serpent Teddy; but she stands high and regal like the queens who ruled history’s pale make-believe lands. So fine and upright that when honey mamma reaches down to tap your shoulder, you know you’re a hero just short of the gods in heaven.

Teddy must have claimed honey mamma after he turned to evildoing. Serpent served some 26th and California time after he first started playing with that dope—Burglary, Assault with Intent, some desperate something—and hooked up with the old-time concrete kings from Blackstone Avenue behind those bars. Vestibule says after his bid, Teddy returned to 79th Street and proved his soul in flowing blood and cash rolls, and before long the kings turned Sodom, Gomorrah, old Babylon Lounge off Stony Island, and the Zanzibar on the Isle, over to him. Almost twenty years later, he’s still the king with all the paper ends and crooked angles covered. Must be the game that won her over, that same street player’s game that lets the congregation know sly Teddy is the king on Reverend’s sin throne this third Sunday.

There his honey mamma goes, celebrating in Row D first balcony. The sweet mother of Jesus, halfway smiling in that faded yellow gleam, halfway smiling and halfway weeping, sharp bones jabbing through hands patted together soft in Reverend Jack’s pauses. Purple shame just now fades from her cheeks and these slant eyes cut into slices so her pupils hide from the good day sermon. Reverend just told the Mount all about her man, like they ain’t already heard the concrete tales. Yet honey mamma’s still gotta go through these sermon motions. She may have lost Paradise and fallen down from the Mount, taken by Teddy Mann’s sly way, but the fact that she’s here seeking to celebrate His Good News only goes to prove Reverend Jack’s main point about the iniquity of that black serpent, evildoing Satan.