Morgan Stone - The Russian Factor

“Please forgive me, there is nowhere else to sit.” Anna gave it her best shot, picking up the chair.

“Ah hah!” Barked the woman. “You should have thought of that before demanding to be let in. You stand!” She slammed the door.

I noticed a closed circuit camera I hadn’t seen while seated, and nudging Anna, joked, “Look, we’re on candid camera!”

CRASH! The gray door exploded open. “Silence! No talking!” The woman pointed a sausage-like finger at us and, SLAM! She was gone.

Fifteen minutes passed and my injured ankle was killing me. I was getting pretty ticked off, but gave the Russian consulate one more try by upping the ante. I felt for the wad of US twenties I carried for contingencies like this, and held one up to the camera. Nothing. I peeled off another twenty and held two of them up to the camera. Still nothing. When I had five twenties spread out like a poker hand, we finally got action. The voice-in-the-wall calmly entered the gray room, sat at her desk and politely said, “I will see you now. Please, do be seated.”

Anna took the only chair. I stood behind her.

“Now then, sorry for the wait. May I see your passport?”

“I don’t have one. That is why we are here, to replace it.” Anna replied.

“I see,” She gave me a significant look. “Where is your passport?”

“Oh, yes, of course, that passport.” Cluing in, I handed her the five twenties folded into my passport. The woman expertly palmed them, pretending to examine the document. Anna told her that her own passport had gone missing in Kiev. The woman started to smirk and get up. “If you lost it in Kiev, you must go to the Russian Embassy in Kiev to report it.”

“Nyet!” I said, ostentatiously slapping another twenty down on the desk. “This is a Russian consulate which is obligated to see to the consular needs of Russian citizens.”

“Fine,” she snarled, producing a form, “fill this out and get it signed by the police where you lost your passport. Kiev, was it? Bring it back and you will wait three months for a temporary travel document.”

That’s nuts! I thought. You only get three months when you enter Ukraine. Anna would be illegal by the time they replaced the damned thing. I started laying twenties carefully on the woman’s desk. “What if we were officials or if we were rich?” The zombies on the benches were starting to take notice when the woman bolted from the room, horrified.

“Oh well, that’s that.” I said to Anna, picking up the bills. “We gave it a try.”

We were headed for the exit when the other gray door opened, revealing a sumptuously appointed office. An imposing man in an impeccably tailored suit stood in the doorway. “You there. Come in here.”

On the office walls hung paintings that could easily have been on loan from the Hermitage. The consular official’s well-stocked bar revealed his refined taste for rare single malt whiskey and Cuban cigars. The desk looked bigger than the entire waiting area, and his leather furniture struck me as custom made. Sitting behind his desk and folding his chubby hands on the blotter he demanded, “What is the meaning of this disturbance in the waiting lounge?”

“I lost my passport and…” Anna started.

The official cut her off and looked at me. “You do not come in here and wave money around! Nothing gets done around here with cash. There are cameras everywhere. I deal with all sorts of people, important people, and they show some decorum. They know how business is done and they certainly don’t do it here.” He deflated, letting his shoulders sag with a long sigh. “Do you think I am paid by the government for all the work I do?”

“As a matter of fact, yes, I do.” I said.

“Well, I am paid less than it would cost to buy one bottle of that Scotch.” He waved a soft manicured hand at his impressive collection. “Still, I work. I get things done. I do the government’s business and it lets me do my business.” He re-inflated, inhaling loudly. “By when do you need the passport?”

“In two weeks.” Anna said.

“Two weeks is a problem. A big problem… But problems, they can be solved.” He scrawled on a pad and slid it toward me. “With these documents I can solve your problem.”

“Holy shit! He wants twenty thousand bucks!” I blurted in English, then, switching to Russian, “For a Russian passport? He must be crazy .”

The official exploded. Standing and punching his desk with both fists, he looked like a finely coiffed and manicured gorilla. “Out! Get out! English will not be spoken in this office. You insult me. You insult my hardworking staff. You insult Russia! You mongrels get out of my sight before I beat you both to your deaths!”

It was just after 8:00 am when the front desk rang. “Miss Ducat, please pardon the intrusion. A woman and child have been waiting for you outside. She insists you sent for her and will want to see her right away.”

“Bizarre… What’s her name? How long has she been there?” Seeing as the last time I’d seen Galina she was very pregnant, I figured it was her.

“Since half past five. She wouldn’t give me her name. I’m terribly sorry to bother you, shall I send her away?”

I thought for a second and told the receptionist I’d come down to meet the mystery woman.

“What was that about?” Anna stuck her head out of the bathroom.

“I don’t know, a mistake, a scam, a joke.” I said, grabbing a room key and heading out. “I’ll be right back.”

It turned out to be Alexi’s niece, Valeria, with her seven year old son in tow. “Uncle Alexi sent for me. He does not know I am here in Odessa yet, or with you. We must meet without him. He is not part of anything between us.”

“Between us ?”

“Yes, between us. Listen, we have been sitting here for hours. There is frost and the hotel would not let us inside. My little son and I have spent twelve hours crossing Ukraine by bus and train to go to America with you.”

I was dumbfounded. Flashing contrite sorry, wasn’t expecting this smiles at the staff, I got mother and son seated in the lobby. I went back to our room and called the front desk to confirm the pair was still there. In perfect English, I was told they were being watched and would not be wandering in the hotel without my escort.

“Jess, will you tell me what is going on?”

I hung up the room phone.” You wouldn’t believe it. I barely do. Toss me the mobile, I need to call The genius Captain Aladdin.”

Alexi’s very private number provided a recorded message for some kind of enterprise. Beep! “Just so you know, your niece and her son have dropped in to go to America with us. They’ve shown up at our hotel for some kind of deal you arranged. Whatever you’re up to, it doesn’t sound like anything to do with a passport. And, just in case you don’t know this,” I added, “your niece doesn’t look anything like Anna. What were you thinking? Her passport is useless to us!”

I snapped the phone shut and turned to Anna. “So, the old goat dragged his niece and her child out of some village half way to Siberia. Mother and son are in the lobby to pawn her passport. Wait until you see her. She looks nothing like you! Alexi either has no idea what his niece actually looks like or he’s trying to guilt-trip me into something. I don’t know, but I’m feeling rather put upon, not to mention sorry for that poor woman trekking all that way for nothing.”

I offered mother and son breakfast at the hotel. Valeria really couldn’t have looked any less like Anna. Her enormous round face appeared twenty years older than her actual age, which was at least ten years older than Anna’s. Her eyes were blue, Anna’s were brown. She had several centimeters on Anna, and at least twenty five kilos. In addition, the child documented in her passport would have to be accounted for to officials.