Hugh Laurie - The Gun Seller

So I side-slipped and edged, making the turns as big and slow as possible, gently traversing the blackest part of the run until I came to the tree-line. The severity of the slope was something of a worry. Any fool could have seen that Dirk and Rhona were, frankly, not good enough to manage it without a great deal of falling over, and possibly even some not-getting-up-again. If I’d been Dirk, or a friend of Dirk, or even just an interested skier-by, I’d have said forget it. Take the cable-car back down again and find something gentler.

But Francisco was confident about Dirk. He felt he knew his man. Francisco’s analysis said that Dirk was careful with money - which, I suppose, is one of the qualities you look for in a Minister of Finance - and if Dirk and Rhona decided to scratch, they’d have to pay a hefty penalty for the cable-car ride back down.

Francisco was prepared to bet my life that Dirk would ski it. Just to make sure, he’d popped Latifa into the bar of The Edelweiss the night before, while Dirk was spilling a couple of brandies down the inside of his throat, and made her bill and coo at the bravery of any man prepared to tackle the Schilthorn. Dirk had looked a little worried at first, but Latifa’s batting eyelashes and heaving bosom had finally pulled him round, and he’d promised to buy her a drink the following evening if he made it down in one piece.

Latifacrossed her fingers behind her back, and promised to be there on the dot of nine.

Hugo had marked the spot, and he stood there now, smoking, and grinning, and generally having a hell of a time. I skied past him and came to rest ten yards further into the trees, just to remind myself, and Hugo, that I still knew how to make decisions. I turned and looked back up at the mountain, checking the position, the angles, the cover - then jerked my head at Hugo.

He tossed his cigarette away, shrugged, and set off down the mountain, turning a tiny mogul into a needlessly spectacular jump, and then sending a plume of powder into the air as he paralleled a perfect stop on the other side of the run, about a hundred yards further down. He turned away from me, unzipped his suit, and started to urinate against a rock.

I wanted to urinate too. But I had the feeling that if I started, I’d never stop; I’d just keep on pissing away, until there was nothing left of me but a pile of clothes.

I unhitched the lens from the front of the camera, removed the cap, and trained it on the mountain, squinting through the eyepiece. The image was thick with condensation, so I unzipped my jacket and slipped the scope inside, trying to warm it against my body.

It was cold and quiet, and I could hear my fingers shaking as I started to assemble the rifle.

I had him now. Perhaps half-a-mile away. He was as fat as ever, with the kind of silhouette that snipers dream about. If they dream about anything.

Even at that distance, I could tell that Dirk was having a horrible time. His body language came across in short, simplesentences. I. Am. Going. To. Die. Hisbottom was stuck out, his chest was forward, legs rigid with fear and exhaustion, and he was moving with glacial slowness.

Rhonawas making a slightly better job of the descent, but not by much. Awkwardly, jerkily, but making progress of a kind, she trickled down the slope as slowly as she could, trying not to get too far ahead of her miserable husband.

I waited.

At six hundred yards, I started to over-breathe, charging the blood with oxygen so I’d be ready to switch off the tap, and keep it switched off, from three hundred. I exhaled through the side of the mouth, gently blowing away from the scope.

At four hundred yards, Dirk fell for about the fifteenth time, and didn’t look in any hurry to get up. As I watched him panting for breath, I pulled back on the knurled grip of the bolt, and heard the firing-pin cock with a shatteringly loud click. Jesus, this shot was going to be noisy. I suddenly found myself wondering about avalanches, and had to stop myself from spinning into a wild fantasy of being buried under a thousand tons of snow. What if my body wasn’t found for a couple of years? What if this anorak was desperately unfashionable by the time they hauled me out? I blinked five times, trying to steady my breath, my vision, my panic. It was too cold for avalanches. For avalanches, you need a lot of snow, then a lot of sun. We had neither. Get a grip. I squinted through the scope, and saw that Dirk was on his feet again. On his feet, and looking at me.

Or at least, he was looking towards me, peering down into the trees while he scraped snow out of his goggles.

He couldn’t have seen me. It wasn’t possible. I had buried myself behind a drift, digging out the narrowest possible channel in which to rest the rifle, and whatever shape he was trying to make out would have been disguised by the irregular jumble of trees. He couldn’t have seen me. So what was he looking at?

I gently eased my head down below the level of the drift and twisted round, checking for some solitary langlaufer, or an errant chamois, or the chorus-line ofNo, No Nanette -anything that might have caught Dirk’s eye. I held my breath and turned my head slowly from left to right, sweeping the hill for sounds.

Nothing.

I inched back up to the top of the drift, and squinted through the scope again. Left, right, up, down.

No Dirk.

I bobbed my head up, the way they tell you never to do, and desperately searched the stinging, blurring whiteness for some glimpse of him. My mouth suddenly seemed to taste of blood, and my heart was hammering on the inside of my chest, frantic to get out.

There. Three hundred yards. Moving faster. He was having a go at a schuss, on a flatter part of the slope, and it had carried him over to the far side of the piste. I blinked again, settled my right eye to the scope, and closed my left.

At two hundred yards, I drew in a long, steady breath, pinched it off when my lungs reached three-quarters full, and held it.

Dirk was traversing now. Traversing the slope, and my line of fire. I held him easily in the sight - could have fired at any time - but I knew that this just had to be the surest shot of my life. I nestled my finger on the trigger, taking up the slack of the mechanism, the slack of the flesh between my second and third joint, and waited.

He stopped at about a hundred and fifty yards. Looked up at the mountain. Down the mountain. Then turned his body towards me. He was sweating heavily, gasping with the effort, with the fear, with the knowledge. I settled the cross-hairs on the exact centre of his chest. As I’d promised Francisco. As I’d promised everyone.

Squeeze it. Never pull. Squeeze it as slowly and as lovingly as you know how.

NineteenGood evening. This is thenine o’clock news from the BBC. PETER SISSONS

We didn’t leave Mьrren for another thirty-six hours. That was my idea.

I told Francisco that the first thing they’d do would be to check the train departures. Anybody who left, or tried to leave, within twelve hours of the shooting, would be in for a hell of a time, guilty or innocent.

Francisco had chewed his lip for a while, before gently smiling his agreement. I think that staying in the village struck him as the cooler, more daring option, and coolness and daring were qualities that Francisco definitely hoped to see one day, attached to his name in aNewsweekprofile. A moody picture, with the caption: ‘Francisco: cool and daring’. Something like that.

The real reason I wanted to stay in Mьrren was so that I could get a chance to speak to Solomon, but I thought it probably best not to tell Francisco that.

So we hung about, separately, and gawped along with everyone else as the helicopters arrived. First police, then Red Cross, then, inevitably, the television crews. Word of the shooting was round the village in fifteen minutes, but most of the tourists seemed to be too stunned to talk to each other about it. They wandered here and there, watching, frowning, keeping their children close.