Питер Джеймс - Wish You Were Dead [story]

‘So, tell me,’ he said, ‘what happened after Jack decided to play baseball with my head?’

‘God, it was terrible. We both thought he’d killed you. We freed the real Vicomte and Vicomtesse — such a sweet old couple. They’re in a terrible state of shock. They tried to phone an ambulance and the police, but it turned out the phone line had been cut and the internet router smashed. Their car wouldn’t start and Jack’s and yours had been moved to a stable block and disabled.’

‘Courtesy of my old buddies Curtis Esmonde and Monica Stokes?’

‘Presumably. Jack and Bruno went off on foot and eventually managed to flag down a car, and the driver called the police and an ambulance. Do you remember that both Curtis Esmonde and Monica Stokes are dead?’

‘So sad, such lovely people, they will be missed — not!’ He was silent for a moment. Then he said, ‘Shit, I’m sorry, darling. This is all my bloody fault.’

‘Don’t be silly! Your fault? No way.’

‘How the hell did they find out where we were? That’s what I’d like to know.’ It was all coming back to him now. The photograph on the wall. ‘They’d stayed at the hotel a couple of months ago. When did we decide to go there?’

‘Back in February.’

‘They must have found out, somehow.’ He shrugged. ‘We did all the bookings online — maybe they hacked us?’

‘Maybe,’ she agreed. ‘I spoke to Glenn yesterday — he rang your phone — and I answered and told him what had happened. He made some calls, and said that neither Esmonde nor Stokes should ever have been released. All the time they were in prison they were telling other inmates they were going to get you when they came out. But do you want the good news?’

‘There’s good news?’

She grinned and nodded eagerly. ‘Glenn went to see the Chief Constable. She’s signed you off until you are fully recovered. So we can have a proper holiday now, and it’s a really great place. I think you’re going to love it. A beautiful old manor house — but really modern inside and lovely staff. There’s an indoor and outdoor pool. Tennis courts. Bikes we can borrow. And it’s surrounded by vineyards. Just gorgeous!’

‘Sounds it.’

‘And I have strict instructions from Glenn — you’re not to even think about work. He’s told me to take away your phone!’

‘Cheeky bugger! Speaking of that, where is my phone? It needs charging.’

Cleo tapped her handbag. ‘In here — and your thoughtful wife has charged it for you.’

He reached out with his right hand. ‘Let me just have a quick look and check for anything urgent.’

She gave him a stern look.

‘Just one quick check and then I’ll switch the damned thing off,’ Roy begged.

‘Promise?’

‘Scout’s honour!’

With some reluctance, she dug in her bag and produced it. Just as she handed it to him, it pinged with the new mail tone. He stared at it for some moments, then grinned broadly. ‘Well, look at this!’

‘What is it?’ she asked, suspiciously.

‘It’s an automated email from the chateau!’

‘What?’

‘From the wonderful Château-sur-L’Évêque! Asking if we’ve enjoyed our stay!’

‘You are joking?’

Roy held the phone up and Cleo read the message aloud. ‘ The Vicomte and Vicomtesse du Carne de Chabrolais hope you have enjoyed your recent stay in our beautiful Château-sur-L’Évêque. We would be deeply obliged if you were to place your favourable comments in a review on TripAdvisor .’

She handed the phone back to Roy and he read the message again himself. Then he gave her a playful look. ‘Any thoughts?’

She rocked her head to one side, then the other. ‘Um. Nothing’s immediately jumping out at me. You?’

He nodded. ‘Yes, I’ve got it. I know what to write.’

‘Uh-huh?’

‘ Visit the beautiful Château-sur-L’Évêque. Enjoy its isolation, its wonderful hospitality. Truly, you will have... the holiday to die for! ’

Writing any book involves a huge amount of teamwork, including those who help me with my research, with editing, the cover design, the marketing, the social media and so much more, and I’ve been blessed over the years to have the support of so many talented people.

First and foremost a huge thank you to Jojo Moyes, for her foresight and immense generosity in keeping the Quick Reads programme alive. These novellas play such a vital role in encouraging so many people who are either reading books for the first time or who have struggled or had lost the reading habit. And a huge thanks to Fanny Blake, my brilliant former editor at Penguin Signet — a few years back (!) — for twisting my arm to do this book, which has been a blast.

Those research helpers I would particularly like to single out on this novella are: Julian Blazeby, Connor Costen, Sean Didcott, Claire Horne, Manon Jones and Dr Adrian Noon.

Thank you also to my brilliant Team James readers, Sue Ansell, Martin Diplock, Jane Diplock, Anna-Lisa Hancock, James Hodge and Helen Shenston. To my agent, Isobel Dixon, Sian Ellis-Martin and all at Blake Friedmann, and to my publishers, Pan Macmillan, with a special mention to those who worked on this novella, Wayne Brookes, Samantha Fletcher, Alex Saunders, Lindsay Nash and Neil Lang. Huge thanks also to my publicists at Riot, Preena Gadher, Caitlin Allen and Emily Souders.

The inspiration for this story came from a hotel in central France that Lara and I stayed a night in a couple of years ago. The hotel was very much as I have described, incredibly creepy and old-fashioned, almost deserted and distinctly sinister — we really did think at one point we were going to end up murdered...

As ever, with this novella I’ve been helped enormously by my wife, Lara, both in recalling the details of the hotel and how we felt, and with all other aspects of the story. My good friend David Gaylor helped so much with both the front-line editing and the police aspects of the book, as well as cracking the whip to keep me to schedule!

Thanks also to our fabulous new PA, Kate Blazeby; to our hardworking and always smiling finance manager, Sarah Middle; to Dani Brown, who does a terrific job running our social media; to Amy Robinson for her work with the team; and to her son Kit Robinson, the perfect model for Noah! And huge thanks to Chris Webb and Chris Diplock who keep our computers and all our tech going, and to Martin Walsh and Erin Brown who curate our video content.

And, as ever, a big thank you to our pets, who do so much to keep us sane: our dogs, Oscar, Spooky and Wally; our Burmese cats, Woo and Willy; our ducks, Mickey Magic, Clarissa, Locky, Maija, Bob, Barbara, Happy-Go-Ducky, Green Bean and a dozen more; our pygmy goats, Bouscaut, Margaux, Ted and Norman; our emus, Wolfie and Spike; and our alpacas, Alpacino, Fortescue, Jean-Luc, Boris and Keith. In a world that sometimes seems a little crazy and scary, none of these beautiful creatures has a care beyond ensuring they get their food and their treats: bones, carrots, blueberries, grapes, popcorn, ginger biscuits, sweetcorn and peas. Would that life should be so simple for us all!

My final word is to thank all of you, my readers. I always love to hear from you — your letters, emails, blog posts, tweets, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube comments are wonderful to receive.