Michael Dibdin: And then you die

'I forgot to tell you about Piero,' she said. 'He's a bit odd.'

'He's a lunatic, in the literal sense of the word, and he'll be back any moment. Let’s get the stiff on the cart, then I'll take it down while you deal with him. Tell him you're Astarte. He'll obey your every command’

He opened the hatchback and hauled Lessi's body half out of the car, then lifted it on to the trolley. Piero was already on his way back. Zen grabbed the handles and started to make his way down the path to the dock. Unfortunately the baggage cart, although built to carry heavy loads, was not designed to accommodate anything long and unstable. Halfway down the slope, one of the wheels hit a rock, the body slewed to one side and the whole thing overturned.

Before Zen could react, the youth had bounded up and started to lift Lessi's feet.

'Turn the cart over’ he said. 'I'll help you load it back on.'

'That s all right, we can manage.'

'No, no! It’s nothing.'

Zen set the cart back on its wheels, then lifted Lessi's head.

Together they set the bundle back in place. 'Whew, that’s heavy,' said Piero. Zen nodded distractedly.. 'What’s inside?' the youth enquired.

'A human corpse. My late brother-in-law. We're going to take him out to sea and throw him overboard. Saves a fortune on the funeral expenses.'

Piero gazed at Zen with a look of growing anger.

'You think I'm crazy, don't you?'

'No, I think you're brilliantly sane, but who cares what I think?'

Gemma materialized between them and turned the youth away, her arm around his shoulders.

'I'm sorry, Piero,' Zen heard her say. 'We've both had a long hard day planning this trip and we haven't slept. It was very kind of you to prepare the boat and give us the keys, and I'll tell the management what a good job you did when I…'

As she led Piero back towards his hut, Zen hefted the handles of the cart and continued down the path and on to the dock, where Gemma rejoined him.

'Are you out of your mind?' she hissed in a hoarse whisper.

'Probably we both are. If s just that you're handling it better.'

'If he tells anyone what you said, we're each facing a life sentence.'

'I'm sorry, I just snapped. But don't worry, no one's going to pay any attention to what Piero tells them.' "They'd better not' 'Of course they won't'

Once again, he was a lot less sure man he sounded.

Gemma didn't reply, and for a while Zen thought that she was furious with him, or understandably scared at the magnitude of what she had got herself into. But when she did speak, it was in a mild, relaxed tone.

'This one,' she said, nodding towards a huge teak motor cruiser bristling with chrome and brass fittings. Zen pushed the cart along the dock, stopping beside a short set of metal steps leading up to the afterdeck.

'Ready?' he said.

Gemma nodded. Together they lugged the increasingly stiff body of Roberto Lessi off the cart and up to the steps. Gemma went aboard while Zen lifted the cadaver so that it was vertical then hoisted it up by the feet while Gemma hauled it over the side. They had just succeeded in getting the centre of gravity inboard when the sound of splashing water drew their attention to the yacht in the next berth, where a man dressed only in a nautical cap, a blue blazer with brass buttons, and the lower half of a woman's bikini was urinating off the stern.

'What you got there?' he asked in a slurred voice.

'Freshly killed meat,' Zen replied.

He heard Gemma's intake of breath, and glanced quickly up at her as he raised himself up on the first of the steps and heaved the bundle over the side. He turned back to their neighbour with a broad smile.

'A whole porchetta. Some friends of ours are having a party at their villa up the coast and this is our contribution. Slaughtered a couple of days ago and then slow-roasted over a wood fire by a real artisan up in the mountains.'

The man adjusted the bikini bottom and sniffed loudly.

'Mmm! I can smell the stuffing from here. Wish I had friends like that. All mine have passed out, one of them on the lavatory. Hence the public display. Care for a drink?'

'No thanks, Arnaldo,' Gemma replied. 'We want to make an early start.'

'Suit yourselves.'

He pointed an admonitory finger at Zen.

'She tends to slew to one side a bitwhen the revs are low. Can make getting in and out tricky. Get all lined up and then give her all you've got. A word to the wise. Buon viaggio.'

He staggered down the companionway and disappeared.

Zen climbed aboard and looked at Lessi's body lying collapsed on the deck.

'Let’s get this stowed inside,' he said.

Gemma opened the doors to the main saloon. They carried the body through and laid it out on a row of bench seating. Zen placed Lessi's pistol in a knife drawer in the galley, and they returned to the afterdeck.

'All right,' said Zen. 'Time to go. Tell me when to cast off.'

Gemma regarded him with a puzzled expression.

'Me? I told you I don't know how to drive this thing. Tommaso always did that, when he did it at all. He would never let me near any of the little knobs and levers.'

Zen gave a world-weary smile.

'Wonderful’ he said.

Gemma leant over and kissed him on the cheek. 'Never mind! You'll do just fine. You're from Venice, remember? If s in your blood. You drank it in with your mother's milk.' Zen glared at her.

'Give me the keys and let go the mooring ropes.'

In the end, handling the boat turned out to be quite simple. All the controls in the cockpit mounted above the aft deck were marked with large metal plates clearly designed with the sort of people who bought these floating mobile homes in mind. Zen turned on the navigation lights and then the engine, which started immediately and settled into a low, reassuring growl. Gemma threw the lines on board and then scampered up the ladder, hauling it up after her. Once they were clear of the dock, Zen applied just enough reverse thrust and port wheel to bring the bow round, then engaged forward gear and minimal throttle while they glided slowly down the twin lines of moored boats. Once they were in the channel beyond, he brought the vessel round and revved up slightly. He didn't notice any tendency to slew to either side. Or had Arnaldo been referring to something else?

He steered past the end of the breakwater and out into the open sea beyond. The darkness was suddenly immense.

'Where are we going?' asked Gemma, appearing in the cockpit beside him and lighting a cigarette.

'Somewhere the water's deep. I don't suppose there's such a thing as a chart aboard.'

Gemma clicked her fingers decisively.

'Ah! Now that I do know about. Tommaso got it a few months before we split up. In fact I think it may well have been one of the reasons why. You know, those little niggly details that suddenly make you realize what you've known all along, namely that you're living with a complete jerk.'

'The chart, cara. You can tell me about your love life later.'

Gemma pushed a button on a video screen mounted to Zen's left. It flickered and then settled into a discreet glow.

'II mio caro sposo was a boy-toy fanatic. If he's talked me through this box of tricks once, he must have done it a dozen times. He just couldn't get over the fact that I couldn't get as excited about it as him.'

'I'm not interested in video games! I want a chart to the waters we're in, before we hit some reef and end up as dead as our stowaway.'

"This is a chart. I mean, all the charts are on here. There's a menu, but the default one – the one that’s showing now – will be the one you want. You jiggle this button here and then click this, and lo and behold a blob appears. That shows where we are. Then you move the cursor to where you want to go, like this, and click again. The dotted line shows you the course you've chosen.'