Michael Dibdin: Cosi Fan Tutti

Filomena bursts into tears and hugs her mother.

'But how on earth did you get here so quickly?' Valeria asks her. 'Why, it was only an hour ago that I spoke to you in London!'

'We were already here, mamma,' Orestina replies as though to a child. 'We flew in last night.'

'Last night?'

'That's right, signor a,' Immacolata Higgins chips in. "I picked them up personally and escorted them to the Sole Mio. Do you know it? Lovely place, very homely, spotlessly clean, never a hint of trouble.'

'Not to mention a fat finder's fee for Immacolata which turns up on the bill as "City Residence Tax"/ Pasquale murmurs to no one in particular.

'Why didn't you come home?' Valeria asks Orestina.

'Not that I particularly want to be seen associating with a person looking like that, but when all's said and done you're still my daughter and I can't turn you away.'

'That's what I wanted to do!' Filomena wails. "I just wanted to go home, but she wouldn't let me!'

All eyes turn to Orestina, who in turn looks at Gesualdo and Sabatino.

'The whole idea was to test our lovers' faithfulness, right?' she says. 'What better way to do it than by turning up completely unexpectedly?'

She smiles coolly.

'They don't seem very happy to see us, do they?'

Filomena confronts Sabatino with a pout.

'Why don't you say anything?' she demands. 'And why are you looking at me like that?' "I expect it's just the shock,' Zen suggests in a tone of fake bonhomie. 'And of course your mother being here makes it all a bit awkward.'

He bends down and picks up a red patent leather shoe with a long spiked heel.

"I wonder who this belongs to.'

'It's Libera's,' Dario De Spino replies. 'Genuine Gucci, marked down as factory flawed but you'd never spot the difference. Eighty to a hundred thousand, depending on the model. Also a full range of men's sizes available.'

There is a brief silence.

'And who might Libera be?' asks Orestina.

'A friend,' Zen replies with a fatuous smile.

'Whose friend?'

'Everybody's! Libera by name and libera by nature.'

Orestina's smile hardens perceptibly.

'And may one meet this fascinating person?'

'Certainly!' Valeria replies with an air of triumph.

'She's in the bedroom downstairs. The one where Gesualdo and Sabatino have been spending their nights since you left town.'

'That's not true!' shouts Filomena, backing away from her mother.

Aurelio Zen shakes his head as though in embarrassment.

'It's only too true, I'm afraid. But you don't need to take my word for it. Why don't you go in and see for yourselves?'

Gesualdo steps forward, as if to intervene, but Sabatino holds him back. With a long lingering look at them, Orestina turns and marches inside the house. Filomena follows at her heels.

'That's that, then,' sighs Sabatino.

Gesualdo shakes his head vigorously.

'It won't make any difference. She knows how much I love her.'

'Yeah, right,' Sabatino replies sarcastically. 'Don't let that punk make-over fool you, Gesua. Like she told her mother, she's still the same person inside. Face it, we're finished.'

Gesualdo looks at him in amazement.

"I wasn't talking about Orestina!'

They both turn to the doorway as the two girls reappear.

Judging by their expressions, they are absolutely furious.

'How could you?' demands Orestina.

'What a cruel, nasty trick!' adds her sister.

'You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.' "I could just have died of embarrassment! Walking in on two complete strangers in the middle of a passionate kiss!'

Zen looks at Valeria, then back at the girls.

'Eh?' he says.

Before he has a chance to express himself more coherently, two more figures appear from inside the house.

One is Libera, limping in a rather fetching way because of the missing shoe. Her companion is a man of about the same age, smooth-shaven and with short dark hair, looking svelte and handsome in an old-fashioned suit cut stylishly large.

'How pleasant to know that one has been missed!' he says in a low, insinuating voice. 'Libera and I felt the need to be alone for a moment, and it never occurred to us that our absence would be remarked upon. But lo and behold, emissaries were sent to track us down and drag us back to the party of which we had presumably been the life and soul. Most gratifying!'

Valeria marches up to him.

'You're not a man!' she shouts. 'You're that other bitch dressed up! You just changed into some of Alfonso's clothes. You can't fool me! I'll expose you!'

The person thus addressed smiles languidly.

'That sounds rather fun. But since there are ladies present, we should perhaps be discreet. If you care to step inside with me, signora, I shall be pleased to offer you irrefutable proof — even tangible proof, if you so desire that I am indeed what I appear to be.'

For just a moment Valeria hesitates. Then she squares her shoulders.

'Very well!'

The moment Signora Squillace is out of sight, Sabatino rushes up to Filomena and starts kissing and hugging her with an abandon which causes Libera to toss her head sulkily and mutter something incomprehensible. Orestina seems to be waiting for Gesualdo to do the same, but there is no response. Indeed, he hardly appears to be aware of her, or of anything else. He just stands staring at the doorway through which Valeria Squillace and the subject of the examination disappeared. Orestina starts towards him, then stops, gazing at him as though across a distance even greater than before.

When Valeria returns, all her anger and determination have dissipated. She looks old, tired and bewildered.

'He is,' she says, shaking her head. 'He really is/ The object of this endorsement now emerges in turn, doing up his belt. But although he has proved his point, it has evidently been at some cost. His whole bearing is lumpen and lifeless, his features are drained of all expression, his air of urbane swagger has quite evaporated. His eyes dart here and there, fixing on nothing, until at length they meet those of Gesualdo. The two men stare at each other as though across a space unpeopled and silent.

In reality the place is in an uproar. 'Ma so' femmenielli, duttb!' exclaims Pasquale. 'You mean to say you didn't know?'

Zen gives an embarrassed shrug.

'They were out there on the street with the other whores.. / 'And why didn't you choose those others?' Pasquale interrupts. 'Because they weren't pretty, right? They were puttane were, the genuine feminine article all right, but hardly the women of your dreams. Otherwise they wouldn't be on the street. The good-looking ones are all chicks with dicks, everybody knows that!' "I suppose I'm a bit out of touch with these things/ Pasquale laughs.

'You're as innocent as a babe in arms, duttb\ You should have consulted me instead of trying to do this on your own/ 'It makes no difference!' Valeria declares in a determined voice. 'If those two… whatever they may be… fooled us, they also fooled that pair of hoodlums who have the nerve to think that I'll let them marry my daughters.

Now we know them for what they are! The fact that these other creatures are not what they seem doesn't change a thing/ The vehemence of her tone shakes Gesualdo out of his reverie. He produces a laminated card which he hands to Valeria Squillace.

'They're not the only ones who aren't quite what they seem, signora,' he retorts with a cutting edge.

Valeria squints at the card. It is hard for her to read without her glasses these days, and even harder to admit the fact.

'What's all this?' she says, handing the card to Zen.

'Some sort of official document, it looks like…'

Zen stares at it for some time. Then he nods slowly "I see,' he says.

'Well, I don't!' said Valeria. 'What's going on? Who are these people?'