Nora Roberts: Carnal Innocence

She spat out the words while outside the sky rocked with color.

"I'd come back here after my second divorce, and she had that look in her eye. That look that blamed me for it. And she said to Delia that maybe I wasn't meant to have a home and children. Maybe it was the Lord's way of punishing her for keeping the secret, for holding the lie inside her. She was feeling poorly, had been feeling poorly for some time. When she went out to her roses, I went, too. I wanted her to tell me face-to-face. We had a terrible argument, and I left her there, standing in the roses and crying. A little later Tucker went out and found her dead. So I guess I killed her."

"No. No, of course you didn't. It wasn't your fault or hers, Josie."

"That doesn't change anything. I had something growing inside me. It wasn't a child-the doctors had already told me I'd never have a child. But what was growing was real, and it was hot. It started with Arnette. She wanted to get her hooks into Dwayne, just like Sissy had. She thought she could use me, and I played along. I thought about it and thought about it. I'd spend whole nights lying in bed and thinking, wondering. Mama had kept a secret by giving life. I was going to keep one by taking it."

There was a roar from outside as rocket after rocket shot up in the grand finale.

"There had to be a reason, though. I wasn't an animal. It had to make sense. So I figured it would be those women who teased and strutted and lied to get men. I've had myself plenty of men," Josie said with a smile. "But I never lied to get them."

"Arnette-I thought she was your friend?"

"She was a slut." Josie shrugged her shoulders carelessly. "Not that she was my first choice. I thought about Susie. I'd always figured if Burke and I could get together… Well, anyway, Susie didn't fit. She never in her life looked at another man but Burke, so killing her wouldn't have been right. It had to be right," Josie murmured while iciness spread in Caroline's stomach. "So there was Arnette. It was so easy to get her a little drunk, drive out to Gooseneck Creek. I hit her with a rock, then I took off her clothes and tied her up. It was cold. Jesus, it was cold, but I waited until she came around. Then I pretended I was my father and she was my mother. And I did things to her until it wasn't cold anymore.

"It was better for a while," she said dreamily. "I felt so much better. Then it started growing in me again. So there was Francie. She was dangling for Tucker, I knew it. Then it was supposed to be Sissy, but I made a mistake there. But each time it was better. When they called in the FBI, I wanted to laugh and laugh. No one was going to look at me. Teddy even took me to the morgue so I could see Edda Lou. At first it was awful, but then I realized that I had done that. I had done it and nobody was ever going to know. It was my secret, just like Mama. And I wanted to do it again, again, while everybody was looking around. Darleen was so perfect, it was like it was meant."

"You were right there with Happy when they were looking for her."

"I was sorry Happy had to suffer. It seemed right that I comfort her some. Darleen isn't worth her crying over. Not one of them was worth a tear. But you are, Caro. If only you'd let it be. I was going to try to keep my promise to Dwayne and stop, since it seemed so important to him. But now I have to break that promise, at least this one last time."

"This time they'll know."

"Maybe. If they do, I'll take care of it. Always figured I'd have to end it one day, my own way." The last of the rockets went off like machine-gun fire. "I won't go to jail or to one of those places they put people who do things other people don't understand." She gestured with the gun. "Turn around now. I'll have to tie you up first. I promise I'll make it quick."

Tucker moved restlessly through the crowd as the colorful bombs burst overhead. He hadn't seen Caroline for the past half hour. Women. As if he didn't have enough on his mind with Dwayne and the FBI, she'd pick this time to wander off.

He shook his head at the offer of a beer, and continued to wend his way through the clutches of people.

"It's a right good display," Cousin Lulu said from her director's chair.

"Umm-hmm."

"How would you know? You've hardly looked at it."

To please her, he looked skyward and admired an umbrella of red, white, and blue lights. "Have you seen Caroline?"

"Lost your Yankee?" Lulu cackled and lit a sparkler.

"Looks that way." He raised his voice to be heard over the cheers of the crowd. "I haven't seen her since she finished playing a while back."

"Plays right well." Lulu wrote her name in the air with the sparkler. "Guess she'll be going along soon to play for the crowned heads of Europe."

"Something like that." With his hands in his pockets, he scanned faces. "I don't see how you can find anybody out here in the dark."

"Ain't going to find her here anyway." Lulu pouted a moment when her sparkler fizzled out. She wanted to wait until things quieted down before she set off her pocketful of firecrackers. "I saw her heading for the house around twilight."

"Why would she-oh, probably wanted to put her violin away. But she should have been back." He turned to study the white ghost of the house in the distance. He'd always thought the best way to figure a woman was not to figure at all. "I'll go take a look."

"You'll miss the finale."

"I'll be back."

He started off at a lope, annoyed at having to hurry. For the life of him he couldn't figure out why she'd be holed up in the house. It nagged at him that maybe he'd pressured her into playing. She could be upset, or the whole business might have brought on one of those headaches. On an oath he quickened his pace and nearly ran over Dwayne.

"Jesus Christ, what're you doing sitting back here in the dark?"

"I don't know what to do." Dwayne kept his head pressed to his knees and rocked. "I have to clear my mind and figure out what to do."

"I said I was going to take care of it. Burns is just blowing hot air."

"I could say I did it," Dwayne mumbled. "That might be the best way for everyone."

"Goddammit." Tucker reached down to shake Dwayne's shoulder. "Don't start that shit on me now. We'll talk about it later when I've got time. I've got to go up and see if Caroline's in the house. Come on with me. It'll be better if you don't talk to anybody tonight."

"I told her I wouldn't." Dwayne dragged himself to his feet. "But something's got to be done, Tuck. Something's got to be done."

"Sure it does." Resigned, Tucker put his arm around Dwayne and took his weight. "We'll do it, too. I know all about it."

"You know?" Dwayne staggered to a halt that had Tucker cursing and pulling. "She said you didn't. When I said that we had to tell you, she said not to."

"Tell me what?"

"About the knife. Daddy's old buck. I saw it under the seat of her car. Christ, Tuck, how could she do it? How could she do all those things? What's going to happen to her now?"

Tucker felt his blood slow. He felt it slow and stop until it seemed to hum in his veins. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Josie. Oh, Jesus, Josie." Dwayne began to weep as the weight of it pounded at him. "She killed them, Tuck. She killed them all. I don't know how I can live with turning my own sister over to the law."

Slowly, Tucker backed up, leaving Dwayne swaying. "You're out of your fucking mind."

"We have to do it. I know we have to. Chrissakes, she meant it to be Sissy."

"Shut up." With rage and fear blinding him, Tucker plowed his fist into Dwayne's face. "You're drunk, and stupid. If I hear you say another word, I'll-"

"Mr. Tucker." Eyes wide, Cy stood on the verge of the driveway. He'd heard, heard all that they said, but he didn't know what to believe.