Iris Johansen - Always

"Please. This is crazy." For heaven's sake, it was the lightest of foreplay and she was about to go up in smoke. She had never before experienced anything even remotely resembling this emotional tempest. "Clancy, this has got to stop."

"I know." His chest labored with the harshness of his breathing as he tightened his arms around her. "It's getting out of hand. Give me a minute."

That was easy to say. The muscles of his chest were still pressed against her, and she could sense his sexual arousal as a living force, swirling in waves around her. There was no aphrodisiac stronger than the knowledge of that arousal. Her hands pressed against his chest. It was a mistake, for now she could feel the heated thunder of his heart against her palms. "Now," she said desperately, opening her eyes to gaze up at him. "Right now!"

He drew a shuddering breath, then his arms dropped away from her and he sat back on his heels. "Okay." The skin was pulled taut over his cheekbones. There was a heavy sensuality curving his lips, and his nostrils were flaring slightly. Helooked hungry… Oh, did she look like that, too? He smiled with an obvious effort. "I think the point's been made, anyway. We want each other." His breath released in an explosive rush. "How we want each other!"

"Yes." She raised a trembling hand to brush back a lock of hair from her eyes. "But it doesn't change anything. I'm not about to mistake lust for love. And I'm not about to tumble happily into your bed just because I have a yen for you. I have an idea you'd use that to your advantage."

"Smart lady. I'd do just that." His eyes were twinkling. "But I'd make sure that our advantages were so closely entwined that you wouldn't realize who was using whom."

A wave of heat suddenly rushed over her as she had a sudden mental image of that "entwining." She jumped to her feet. "I think I'd better go to my room. It's time we resumed our roles of prisoner and jailer."

For a fleeting moment she thought she saw a shadow of pain in Clancy's face. It was gone the next instant. She must have been mistaken; Donahue was far too iron tough to allow himself that emotion. "All right. If it makes you feel safer."

There was a hint of desperation in her laugh. "There's something a little macabre about feeling safer as a helpless prisoner."

"You're not the helpless one," Clancy said quietly. "I am. I've never been so damn vulnerable in my entire life."

Her smile faded. He was doing it to her again. Pain, sadness, a yearning to comfort, and the sexual riptide that embroiled them in a whirlpool. "Idon't want you to feel helpless," she said with a fierceness that shocked even herself. "I don't want you to feel anything at all for me."

He stood looking at her without answering.

Her hands clenched into fists at her sides. "I won't let you make me feel guilty about something over which I have no control. You're not going to complicate my life. I like it fine just the way it is."

"Do you? Somehow I received the impression that you could use a little help in straightening out one or two aspects." He shrugged. "At any rate, you're going to get it whether you like it or not."

"Clancy, I won't have you marching in and taking me over. Your men might be intimidated enough to put up with that bull, but I won't."

"We'll see. Now you'd better go to your room and rest. I've put you through something of an emotional marathon, haven't I? Just go to bed and sleep on it. Here's the way I think we should handle it. First courtship, then sex, and finally marriage." He grinned. "If you want to rearrange that order, I'm open for suggestions. I definitely can be had."

The inarticulate sound she made was charged with both frustration and exasperation. She turned on her heel and strode toward the door.

"Lisa."

She stopped as she reached for the doorknob.

"We both know we're going to end up in bed together. In another couple of minutes we'd have been making love on that carpet."

Her hand tightened on the knob.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'll try to let you get accustomed to me before we-" He broke off and then continued with rough awkwardness, "Oh,hell, I mean I'll try to be your friend before I become your lover."

She opened the door. "You're not going to be either one. You're just my jailer, Clancy." The door closed firmly behind her.

Clancy uttered a brief but explicit curse. Lord, he certainly had a way with words. It was a wonder she hadn't reacted more strongly to his clumsiness. He had wanted to tell her that he'd be gentle, charming, and considerate. The way it had come out, it had sounded as if he were doing her a favor, by not throwing her in bed and jumping her bones. He had thought he'd learned a little diplomacy working for Alex, but evidently it had vanished completely the moment he'd first seen Lisa. All his confidence had disappeared, and he'd felt like a big clumsy oaf of an Irishman with his first woman.

He strode to the cellarette and poured himself a stiff drink. It would probably knock him on his backside as tired as he was, but that might not be a bad thing. At least he would forget what a colossal ass he had made of himself. He drank the brandy down in three swallows and started to reach for the bottle again, then stopped. No, he didn't want to get plastered tonight. Tomorrow he would try to repair the damage his clumsiness had wrought, and he didn't need a hangover to cloud his senses.

Courtship. It was an old-fashioned concept, but one that was very appealing to him. A woman like Lisa deserved not only courtship, but the most careful gentleness and cherishing. Despite her strength and spirit, she gave the impression ofbeing infinitely fragile and fine drawn. When she wasn't smiling there was a somberness about her that filled him with a fierce protectiveness. Pain. There was so much pain behind that tranquil facade. Sometimes he could almost f eel it beneath the rigid control she exerted. God, he wanted to share that pain. He wanted to share everything she felt, everything she was.

He turned away from the cellarette and moved toward the door. It was going to be an uphill battle all the way to gain her trust as well as her love. He had better try to get some sleep in order to be ready to begin that struggle. Perhaps he'd take her out on the yacht tomorrow. It would get them away from the intimacy of the villa and might put her at ease. He could try it, anyway. At this point, he'd try damn near anything that had even a chance of success.

The sun was marvelously warm on her face, the breeze a soft caress scented delicately with salt and the musk-mint scent she had come to associate with Clancy. Something light fell across her knees, and Lisa reluctantly opened her eyes to see the blue cotton shirt Clancy had been wearing now draped across her outstretched legs.

"Keep covered," he said tersely. "You're too fair to be exposed to a strong sun for long periods without protection. You should have worn slacks instead of those shorts. Don't you ever go to the beach?"

"When I get the chance. New York in the winter doesn't offer many opportunities for sunbathing." He certainly didn't need to worry about burning, she thought as her eyes traveled idly over him. His massive shoulders and broad, corded chest were as deeply bronzed as his face and rippled with powerin the afternoon sunlight. The triangle of dark hair, lightly peppered with gray, matted his chest, then narrowed to a thin line before disappearing into the low-slung waistband of his jeans. Lisa felt a sudden tingling in her palms as she wondered what it would feel like to put her hands on that springy cloud. Hurriedly she shut her eyes, closing him out. "Is it very hot in Sedikhan?"

"Yes, it's mostly desert country. The hills can be very pleasant in the summer, though." She could sense that his gaze was riveted on her, and she shifted uneasily in the canvas chair. There was a short silence, and then Clancy said, "Thank you for coming today. I was afraid you'd harricade yourself in your room after I made such a pompous ass of myself yesterday."