Джойс Оутс - Zombie

Counted them for the hell of it. Each cardboard box, twelve BABY CHICKS. Thirty-six BABY CHICKS. They were all still alive.

Next day, asked Grandma could I borrow $$$ for a down payment on a Dodge Ram?—my old Ford is so beat-up & the garage says it will cost more to repair (brakes & carburetor) than it is worth. & Grandma says Quentin, of course! & smiling & her bony hands trembling a little as she writes out the check. It’s a loan , I say. I will pay you back . & Grandma laughs Oh Quentin . They want somebody to love & live for—women. It doesn’t matter who like it would with a man. & for lunch preparing big grilled cheese sandwiches for me crossed with strips of crisp bacon I was crazy for as a boy visiting Grandma. & Grandma sips her piss-colored tea & takes her “heart pills” as she calls them. I feel I’ve just gotten to know you, Quentin. This summer. God works in unexpected ways doesn’t He!

Saying, This is just between you & me, Quentin. Our little secret!

I’m hungry, & I’m eating. & the check in my shirt pocket. Since making my decision I’ve had the best appetite in years & needed a new notch in my belt this morning. On double ’ludes my heart is calm & strong & pounding steady & the pulse of it sharp in my cock. GROUND ZERO so close it is almost like it has happened. & when I return to 118 North Church Street MY ZOMBIE SQUIRREL will be awaiting me in the cellar. Food & drink & a full-length mirror for his (& his master’s) use. SQUIRREL’s worshipful green eyes, & pigtail so sexy. & that MOUTH made for kisses & sucking. & that worshipful ASS. & Grandma is saying a tremor in her voice the only thing left to make her life complete, she would die happy then, if Junie or me, or both of us she loves so would get married & have children & the lineage would not die out. Such proud good upstanding decent Christian men & women were our ancestors Grandma says. & we go:

“Quentin?—nothing would make me happier.”

“What’s that, Grandma?”

“I said—nothing would make me happier, if you would marry one day soon, & have children.” Brushing at her eyes & laughing sadly, saying, “I know I’m an old woman & it’s none of my business to interfere with you young people’s lives.”

“No Grandma, that’s O.K.”

“I know it is too much to ask. Just to make an old woman happy.”

“No Grandma, that’s O.K.”

“I know—the world is so different now.”

& I’m licking cherry-swirl ice cream from the spoon looping my tongue around the spoon saying, “Grandma, hey no. Don’t cry. The world is not ever that different.”

HOW THINGS PLAY OUT. Purchased the Dodge Ram, Aug. 23. Cheated in the trade-in (got only $1300 for the Ford) but in no position to bargain. Dark green-brown finish & solid good-looking chassis standing higher from the ground, more macho than the Ford, & four-wheel drive of course. & more horsepower than the Ford, & roomier in the rear. Practiced driving it using gears, lights etc. & the airconditioning system which is complicated. Purchased a dozen dark-green plastic garbage bags to tape over the rear windows & no American flag decal this time—maybe I will add one later. & a new bumper sticker I’D RATHER BE SAILING. Most of Aug. 24 laying in supplies in the cellar & cistern. Ice pick, dental pick, knives of varying sizes all newly sharpened. Iodine & gauze & bandages etc. Easy foods for SQUIRREL to eat & digest & Evian water & blankets & a piss-pot (a ceramic pot from up in the attic, might be an antique?) & toilet paper etc. & the full-length mirror (also from the attic). Also preparing the van. Securing a plywood partition between the second seat & the rear. In the back seat, another T-shirt, a pair of jeans, box of Froot Loops for quick energy & more Evian water & three bottles of dago red in paper bags. Back of the van, gloves & sponge-gag & rolls of masking tape & rope & the burlap sack & waterproof canvas for the floor, & more garbage bags. I did not want the rear of my new van soiled. (There was no plan for blood to spill in the van, & I hoped that would not happen, but a specimen will panic even the bravest ones sometimes & lose bowel control.) & my fish-gutting knife. (My .38 pistol I would carry in my pocket.) & selected my TODD CUTTLER curly red-brown hair & smooth moustache not touched for years. Ate at Burger King up the street & stopped by a college tavern & had only a few beers & talked to no one & early to bed, only a single ’lude & slept like a baby. Aug. 25 woke 6:20 A.M. excited & cock like an electric baton & had to jerk off twice & the cum was hot as lava. Burger King Special Breakfast $3.99 & I cleaned my plate & had so much coffee I got a caffeine buzz & it felt good. Household chores as usual. Said hello etc. to Big Black Guy (who is always in the kitchen frying something dark & greasy in a pan) & I believe I handled him O.K. To make them think, if they hate whitey, you are not really whitey but something else. Showered & put on MT. VERNON U. T-shirt, white cotton with green letters & Indian tomahawk logo. Beltless khaki work-shorts, socks & jogging shoes. Called Grandma as planned. It is Thursday, I am expected to mow part of the lawn. But Grandma asked please would I pick up her dear friend Mrs. Thatch & bring her over?—for I had done so in the past, & never minded. & so stammered O.K. & then it was too late.

Then thinking It might be better: two old women & not just one . Continued preparations. Put on TV in my room & left, locking door. 4:40 P.M. & the house empty at this hour. Carried cartons of baby chicks up from the cellar & into the rear of the van pulled up close to the back door. Drove to Dale Springs along usual route & picked up Mrs. Thatch, 13 Lilac Lane at 5:00 P.M. Four-minute drive to Grandma’s at 149 Arden. Old woman chattering nonstop saying How lucky your grandmother is to have such a thoughtful grandson . Baby chicks CHEEP CHEEP CHEEPING but behind the partition & the old woman is chattering too much to hear or is deaf. At Grandma’s I drank lemonade, & after a few minutes left the two of them jabbering in the house & returned to move the van into a position beside the garage not visible from the house. & put on my Tigers cap & work gloves & pushed the mower out of the garage & began mowing rear of lawn at 5:25 P.M. moving as usual in swaths width-wise working from the house toward the rear. At 5:35 P.M. positioned mower behind an evergreen shrub about midway in the lawn & secured it & leaving the motor roaring crossed to the garage unseen from the house. In van, put on TODD CUTTLER hair & moustache & again Tigers cap. Dark sunglasses. At 5:52 P.M. drove slowly out of Grandma’s driveway & west on Arden to Locust & north to the one-way alley below Lakeview Boulevard & along the alley to GROUND ZERO where parked, motor running. Alley deserted. In rear of van, final preparations. Opened one of the rear doors & at 6:02 P.M. lowered cartons of baby chicks to the ground & at 6:03 P.M. opened cartons to release baby chicks.

At once CHEEP CHEEP CHEEPING & fluttering their little wings spreading out from the cartons & pecking in the dirt oblivious to all save the dirt. & I remained calm & controlled. For all that has happened, has happened. From the beginning of Time . Approximately 6:08 P.M. sighted bicycle turning into the alley. Thereafter ceased to take note of precise time but remained calm, controlled. SQUIRREL pedaling in my direction as in my dreams. For how could he not. For what other destiny. & SQUIRREL staring in disbelief seeing the bright yellow Easter chicks so fluffy & cute in the alley in his path had no choice but to slow & brake his bike. & straddling his bike laughed saying Hey what’s up? Baby chicks? & TODD CUTTLER anxious & pissed says I had an accident, they got loose, can you help me? Please! & SQUIRREL who’s a good-natured kid, unsuspecting & happy to be of use grinned and parked his bike saying Sure! Swooping down to catch two of the fluttering chicks in his hands & bringing them to TODD CUTTLER stooped over one of the cartons at the rear of the van.