JASON STARR - Panic Attack

“I’m concerned about something,” he said.

“About what?”

“Did you hear the way our neighbor’s dog, Blackie, was barking before?” “I knew it had to do with that dog. What about it?”

Adam told her that he’d heard Blackie barking when he’d found the note from Tony and that JoAnne Miller had reported that her dog had started barking like crazy the night Dana was killed.

“So what does that have to do with the dog barking before?”

“The dog was barking at Xan and Marissa, but Marissa has known the dog for years, she used to walk him when the Millers went on vacation.”

“So you think the dog was barking at Xan?”

“I have no idea what I’m saying,” Adam said.

“Didn’t I tell you about Xan?” his mother said.

Adam knew his mother would use this to get in an I-told- you- so jab.

“I just think it was strange the way the dog was going so crazy like that, that’s all,” he said. “I’ve known that dog for years, and I’ve never seen him bark like that, just at somebody on the sidewalk for no reason. I mean, reporters have been out there for the past couple of days, and you didn’t hear the dog barking at them, right?”

“So the dog doesn’t like Xan,” his mother said. “Smart dog. I don’t like him either.”

“I don’t think you get what I’m saying,” Adam said.

His mother stared at him, then said, “You think the dog was barking other times at Xan.”

“I’m sure I’m being ridiculous, but-”

“But you said the note was from Tony.”

“It was from Tony. It was the same writing, on similar paper, as another note I got, I think from Tony, that was kind of threatening.”

He told his mother about the other note, and then she said, “So you’re saying you think Xan could’ve left both notes and not Tony?”

“I don’t think that… I’m just wondering, that’s all.”

“Why would he do that? And how would he even know that Tony and Dana were having an affair?”

“I don’t know. That’s why it doesn’t make any sense.”

“I said I didn’t like Xan, but I didn’t say I think he killed Dana.”

“I don’t think that either.”

“Of course you think that. That’s why you’re bringing this all up.”

Adam, suddenly hyped up, full of energy, said, “Xan is not a killer. Tony killed Dana. His alibi’s gonna fall apart, you’ll see. This is probably just a ridiculous waste of time.”

“I don’t think it’s such a waste of time. I think you should call the police anyway just to let them know.”

“Let them know what? That a dog started barking at my daughter’s boyfriend? They’ll think I’m insane, more insane than they already think I am.”

“I’m worried about Marissa.”

“There’s nothing to be worried about.”

“What if you’re right and Xan’s a killer?”

“Can you stop it? He’s not a killer, all right? I wouldn’t’ve even started thinking about this if you didn’t put the idea in my head.”

“So now you’re blaming me?”

“No, I’m just saying there’s no basis to it. He had no reason to want to hurt Dana. They got along great, and she liked him a-”

He had a realization, a sudden moment of clarity, and his mother noticed the change in his expression.

“What is it?” she asked.

“She liked him a lot,” he said.

“So? What’re you talking about?”

“The other day, after Xan came to dinner and we met for the first time, Dana and I had an argument. Well, not really an argument, just a little spat, you know? It seems ridiculous now, but she told me that she thought Xan was handsome, and I got jealous about it. But the real reason I was jealous was because of the way they were acting the night before at dinner. Xan, you know he’s a smooth guy, you know, a charmer, likes to compliment everyone, play up to people, that’s just his style. But I could tell how much Dana liked the attention.”

“Oh my God,” his mother said. “So you think they were having an affair?”

“No, that’s impossible,” Adam said.

“Why is it so impossible? She was having an affair with that other guy.”

This was a good point- and Xan was a younger guy, just like Tony.

Feeling sick, realizing he couldn’t totally rule this out, Adam said, “I don’t think she’d do that, not with Marissa’s boyfriend. She wouldn’t do that to Marissa.”

“You never know what somebody’ll do,” his mother said, letting the implications hang there.

Adam was shaking his head. “No, she wouldn’t do that, I’m positive.” He wasn’t positive at all, actually, but it made him feel better to say it. Then he added, “But I guess that doesn’t mean he felt the same way.”

“You mean you think he-”

“I’m just saying, what if Xan was interested in her? I mean, more interested in her than she was in him.”

“Then why would he kill her?”

“Maybe he came over here hoping to find her alone. Maybe that was why JoAnne next door heard her dog barking like crazy, probably around the time Dana was killed.”

“Call the police,” his mother said, panicked.

“No, wait, that doesn’t make any sense,” Adam said. “Xan was at the movie that night with Marissa. And just because he and Dana were flirting a little, if you could even call it flirting, doesn’t mean he’d come over here to try to sexually assault her. I’m taking a huge leap there. There was no sign of sexual assault; the police would’ve jumped on that right away. All of this is ridiculous, really, when you think about the facts. There’s no basis for any of it.”

“Call the police anyway,” his mother said. “Let them decide if it’s ridiculous or not.”

“Maybe, I’ll have to think about it,” he said. “It all seems very confusing right now.”

Adam went upstairs, even more stressed out than earlier. He took a hot shower, thinking the whole thing through every which way. While some parts of it seemed to fit, he still couldn’t come up with any logical motive for Xan to come over to kill Dana, a woman he hardly knew. Only a total psychopath would do something like that, and Xan wasn’t a psychopath. If Xan was mentally unstable or had psychopathic tendencies, Adam certainly would’ve noticed it immediately. Detecting abnormal behavior was his profession, after all. And Adam wasn’t even sure if it was physically possible that Xan could’ve done it. Would he have had time to kill Dana and then meet Marissa at the movie theater? Probably not. Adam tried to forget about the whole thing, think about something else, but the dog barking so ferociously at Xan kept nagging at him, and what his mother had said earlier about how Xan was basically a total stranger kept repeating in his mind as well.

When he got out of the shower, just to reassure himself, he went online to see what he could find out about Xan Evonov. He expected to find a lot of information, even Xan’s own Web site- the guy was an artist, after all- but a Google search for the phrase “Xan Evonov” turned up zero results. Adam thought this was pretty strange. Why wouldn’t an artist have any information online? He’d said he hadn’t exhibited his work yet, but it seemed like everybody marketed themselves online nowadays, especially people in the arts- and didn’t he say he had a benefactor? There were hundreds of results for “Alexander Evonov,” but they were mostly in Rus sian, and the few in English had nothing to do with Xan.

Adam was trying another search engine when the doorbell rang. He figured it was reporters again, harassing him, and several seconds later when his mother called, “Adam!” he mumbled, “Goddamn it.” He’d told her not to answer the door for reporters under any circumstances; what was she doing? He headed downstairs, ready to explode.