Dave Zeltserman - Fast Lane

Her waist was thin enough to wrap my hands around, and brother, I would’ve needed more than that to get around her hips and chest. Don’t get me wrong-I’m not saying they didn’t look good on her. They looked damn good.

It was funny, but the night before I would’ve sworn her face looked like a ball of putty, bloated and blotched. Well, I was wrong about that too. In the bright sunlight her face was maybe a little pale, but still as pretty as they come. A person couldn’t have been more wrong about anything.

I started feeling a dryness in my mouth and an itching someplace else. I rolled over onto my side and started massaging her. All at once her body got stiff and tight, and she started with the excuses. Her head hurt too much, she was feeling sick, her hangover was killing her-you know the rest of them. She didn’t move away, though, and I didn’t let her excuses stop me. I kept it right up, hoping she’d give it to me before I had to take it from her. Sure enough, her body relaxed, and she melted into me.

After we finished, we lay there with her all over me, whispering all sorts of crap into my ear. What else could I do but pretend to like it? If she knew what I was thinking, I don’t suppose she would have been whispering that stuff to me. Maybe some of the words, but not in the same context.

She started playing with my hair, and well, my poppa taught me to be understanding with gals so all I could do was grit my teeth. I told her I had clients waiting at my office, and asked if it wasn’t about time for her to be heading home.

“Oh,” she said, pouting. “I thought you were beginning to like me.” And she stopped playing with my hair, and started playing with something else. Well, what else could I do? As much of a chore as it was, we went at it again.

When we finished, she gave me that nice easy smile of hers. “Mmm,” she said. “That wasn’t so bad, was it? Why don’t you go get me a nice big drink? Surprise me.”

I got up and made her one, and made myself a bigger one. When I got back, she was bent over my phone with her backside facing the door. As she heard me, she turned her head and informed me she was writing down my phone number and giving me hers, just so we wouldn’t accidentally forget later. I wanted to go over and give her ass a nice accidental on-purpose kick, but as strong as the temptation was, I resisted it. On walking back to the bed, I did manage to give her a friendly slap. Judging from the way she jumped, I guess it was questionable as to how friendly it was.

I gave her a drink, and she sat back down on the bed sipping it slowly. She rubbed her ass a little gingerly, but decided to give me the benefit of the doubt. She asked if I’d like to spend the day with her.

“Now, honey, you know I would.”

“Why don’t we, then?”

“I already told you, I’ve got people waiting for me.”

“You’re no fun.” She pouted. I swear she fluttered her eyelids at me as she went on, “I’ve had a crush on you for the longest time. I might be your biggest fan. Now that I’ve got you, I’m not about to let go.”

“Is that a fact?”

“It sure is!” Her eyes blazed for a second. Then she caught herself and turned the cute stuff back on. She wiggled her ass closer to me until she was just about sitting on my lap. Then, playing with her fingers along my chest, she asked, “Why do you have to be so difficult? Haven’t I been nice to you?”

It went on and on, and well, it was all pretty cute. All the blushing and eye fluttering and whispering. After a while I had enough. It took quite a bit of coaxing on my part to get her panties back on, and even more to get her out the door and into a cab. The whole thing tired me out. By the time she left, the only thing I wanted to do was crawl back into bed. And it was tempting. But with all the folks in this world that counted on me, it didn’t seem as if I could do anything else but drag myself off to work.

What I had told Marge about having people waiting for me was the truth, and it was almost eleven before I got in, giving my nine o’clock and ten o’clock appointments plenty of time to stew. As soon as they saw me arrive, they tore into me. Nine O’Clock complained that I had a hell of a lot of nerve, and Ten O’Clock agreed, insisting that the least I could do was give them both discounts.

It really was a lousy way to treat folks who might hire you, and I felt bad about it. I tried my best to calm them down, joking that they should pretend they’d been waiting to see a doctor. At least that way they could think of me as being early.

Nine O’Clock interrupted me. “I don’t see anything funny about being inconsiderate.”

“No,” I tried explaining. “I don’t think it’s fun-”

“You’ve got a lot to learn about manners,” Ten O’Clock piped in.

“Well,” I said. “I’m sorry-” I heard the door to my anteroom open and turned to see my eleven o’clock appointment, Tom Morton, walking in.

“Excuse me,” I muttered under my breath, and I greeted Morton at the door and showed him to my office.

That set off the fireworks. “I’ve been waiting two hours!” Nine O’Clock exploded, his face lit up with fury. “I demand you see me first!”

“If you’d just be patient,” I said, “I’ll be right with you. This is an emergency-”

“Go to hell!” He turned away from me. At the door, he warned me that the Better Business Bureau was going to hear about me. Then he damn near broke the glass in the door slamming it.

Ten O’Clock was mulling things over, but I guess she just had a longer fuse. “I’m going to talk to my congressman about you,” she said as she got up to leave. “People with your attitude shouldn’t be allowed to do business!”

It doesn’t do to have folks upset with you, but I couldn’t afford to keep Morton waiting. Morton was the attorney for Joel Ekleberg, and was looking for someone to carry out some investigative work for his client. I wanted the case and I wasn’t about to risk it for a couple of nickel and dime jobs.

For those of you who have been out of town or in a coma for the last six weeks, Joel Ekleberg is an investment banker currently being held for the strangulation murders of his wife and a female friend. What has made this such a whiz-bang deal in the papers is the gossip linking the late Mrs. Ekleberg to several state politicians. No matter how it resolves itself, it looks like quite a story, one the Examiner would be thankful to get.

I joined Morton in the office. Morton’s a square-jawed, smug little bastard. His old man bought him a law partnership when he was thirty-five and that only made him all the more smug. He asked what the commotion was about.

“Just giving some folks a lesson on American business.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“The little guy gets screwed every time.”

He smirked at that, then took out a cigar, bit off the end and clamped it in his mouth. “If I hire you, you’re going to write this case up for your paper, right?” he asked, lighting the cigar with a solid gold lighter the shape of a Ferrari.

“I’m planning to.”

“You’ve got yourself a job, then.”

For the next ten minutes he gave me a rundown of the facts and a list of what he wanted me to do. When he was done, I asked him what he thought.

“About what?”

“Did your client do it?”

“I dunno, maybe.” He scowled. “How the hell am I supposed to know? Just make sure you get my name spelled right. And work my phone number in, okay?”

We shook hands, and he reminded me again about getting his name spelled right. I made a mental note to forget the ‘t’ from his last name. Somehow it seemed more appropriate.