Dave Zeltserman - Fast Lane

They took me to a small windowless room that was empty except for a wooden chair that was bolted to the floor. As we got closer to it, I realized what it was. Before I could say a word they strapped me into it. Then they left, joking and slapping each other’s backs. The sound of the door slamming behind them almost shattered my eardrums.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened and Rose Murphy came in. It scared the hell out of me to see her. I tried explaining to her how I had done only what I had to, but she wouldn’t listen. She came over to me and pulled out a large razor. At first I thought she was going to cut my throat, but instead she grabbed me by the top of the skull and shaved my head. Then she attached wires to my scalp.

I had my eyes closed, and when I opened them she’d moved to a heavy-looking wall switch. She hesitated before it, staring blankly at me. Then, using both hands and straining her body, she forced the switch down. For one heartbeat, there was nothing. All at once electricity burst through my body, jerking it. Smoke started to pour from my fingertips. The hum of the electric chair blasted through me-and I was screaming, almost as loud as Rose.

I woke up with the phone ringing. At first I was too startled to realize where I was. With an overwhelming sense of relief, the disorientation lifted. I closed my eyes and listened to the phone, trying to slow down the pounding of my heart before something inside broke.

The answering machine kicked on and after the beep there was a long silence. Then I heard Mary’s voice asking me to call her as soon as I got home.

The machine clicked off and I lay there thinking. I hated the idea of disappointing Mary but it didn’t seem as if there was anything else I could do. Getting them together wouldn’t do Rose any good, it wouldn’t do Mary any good, and it sure as hell wouldn’t do me any good.

Now I don’t want to sound selfish or anything but the idea of Mary knowing I’d shot her daddy made me uneasy. If she knew that, even if she understood that I had no choice, it would change things. And God knows what Rose would tell her.

That one time I met with Rose, she was as upset as you’d expect from everything that had happened to her. Maybe she didn’t believe what she was saying, but hell, her accusations were just too bizarre to repeat. I wouldn’t want Mary hearing them. Even though there was no truth in any of them, they would have some influence on her. I wouldn’t like to think of her hating me, even just a little.

I got up and examined myself in the mirror. The last few years a vein along my left eye had started to expose itself. I tried to tell if it had gotten any bigger and decided it hadn’t.

After taking a shower, I rubbed my hand over my face, testing whether I needed a shave. I’ve got one of those baby faces that can go past a week without needing to take a razor to it. If it wasn’t for the gray hair, folks would have a tough time guessing I’d hit forty-two.

My skin was smooth enough to let the blade wait another day. I got dressed and headed off for work. As I drove towards the city, I could see the sun hadn’t yet risen past the cloud of brown smog which sits atop Denver. Sunlight illuminated the cloud, making it appear as if the city were about to be smothered.

I didn’t have much of an appetite, but I guess I felt too off-kilter to jump right into work. After parking the car, I walked to the Corner Diner. Carol was in her usual place working behind the counter. When she saw me come in she gave me a wink and came over and started mopping up the area in front of me.

“Hello, Johnny. Do you know how that girl’s doing?”

It took me a few seconds to realize she was referring to Debra Singer. “I hear everything’s fine with her.”

“I’m so glad I didn’t screw things up for you.” She gave me a playful smile. “I think I got a case for you. Some stiff walked away with a fifty cent tip of mine. How much will it cost to find him?”

“Well now,” I said. “I usually charge four hundred a day, but for you, honey, I’ll consider it for a little extra hash browns.”

“Food! That’s all he ever wants from me is food!” She gave the guy sitting next to me a little slap on the arm. “You know who that is next to you? That’s Johnny Lane, the detective. The one in the Examiner.”

That got some fellow diners to turn around and give me a look. It wasn’t long before I was telling stories and folks were shaking my hand and patting me on the back. The black mood I had been drifting into was all but gone. By the time I finished eating I was feeling pretty good, feeling confident that I was doing the right thing with Mary and that everything would work out. I had a third cup of coffee and kidded Carol a little. By the time I left everything was fine with the world.

Once back at my office, I checked in with my answering service and got a list of messages. More than half were from Mary. After a few tries, I located her at school. She was too excited to listen to me at first. After calming her down I gave her the bad news about the trip being a bust. I asked if she could stop by for a talk, which was like asking a politician if he could stomach a contribution. We agreed to meet in a half hour.

Mary looked miserable. “I don’t understand. You seemed so sure you were going to find them.”

We had been at it for a while now. I let my eyes close. “With these things you never know for sure,” I said, trying to keep my voice under control. “I did think I was on the right track, but out in Oklahoma I hit a stone wall.”

She was struggling to keep the tears back. The corners of her mouth were quivering and I sped up, hoping to keep the dam from breaking open. “If you think about it, tracing a full grown woman back to the parents who gave her up for adoption can be close to impossible. A mother giving up her baby is usually doing it for a good reason but that doesn’t stop her from feeling ashamed about it. So she doesn’t cooperate by supplying agencies or hospitals with any useful information. What you end up with is birth certificates and hospital records listing the mother as JANE DOE.”

“What are you trying to tell me, that you can’t do the job?”

“Well, no,” I said, a little hurt. “If the job can be done, then I can do it. I’m just trying to tell you that these things don’t always happen the way you’d expect them to.”

I heard the door to my anteroom open and excused myself to find Max Roth standing there looking uncomfortable. I asked him to take a seat and wait. Back in my office, Mary was sitting with her head bowed, pulling at her fingers. When I sat down, she slowly lifted her head and peeked at me. “I’m sorry, Johnny,” she said. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I know you’ve been trying your best. I guess I’m disappointed and a little frustrated. You seemed so positive before you left. And I thought knowing the name of that lawyer would make it easy. I-”

She lowered her eyes. I could tell she was having trouble putting her thoughts together. It was as if she were trying to express herself in a foreign language and only knew a few of the words.

“I know,” she continued slowly, “it might be hard for other people to understand, but I need to find who my real parents are. I have to know who I really am.”

Her shoulders started shaking and I could see it was useless. I took a deep breath and waited and sure enough the tears started flowing. I got up and patted her head, telling her everything was going to be okay and being as sympathetic as all hell.

After a while the crying stopped. I took out a handkerchief and mopped up around her eyes. After blowing her nose, she looked up at me and bit her lip. “This is embarrassing,” she said. “Usually I’m not like this.”