Chester Himes - If he hollers let him go

But I couldn't make up my mind. Then I remembered I'd promised George to look over the job, went back to the deckhouse, and strolled through the companionways, peeping into various rooms. I didn't know what they were all for; various lockers and the officers' quarters, I imagined. I'd have to get a print to tell anything about it. Of course the ventilation didn't look as though it ought to be very complicated, I thought. The place could ventilate itself.

Pipe fitters and electricians were at work in some of the rooms. Outside a woman painter was spraying the bulkheads with red lead. There wasn't a great deal of activity; the superstructure would be the last place to be outfitted-start at the bottom and work up.

I was going aft to take a gander down into the engine-room when I noticed a closed door, put my hand on the knob, and pushed inside to see what it might hold. It was dark inside after the glaring sun on the deck, but I saw an extension cord running underneath the door, traced it to the lamp hooked over a clip tacked to the bulkhead, snapped on the light.

I just had time to notice that it was a cabin with facing bunks and two portholes to starboard tightly covered with old newspaper when someone grunted sleepily, 'Unh!' I jerked around. There was a saggy mattress on one of the bunks and a bigbodied woman with dyed blonde hair was lying on it, sleeping, with her face to the wall.

All of a sudden she came awake, said, 'Damn!' then wheeled over quickly and sat up, blinking at the light. Her big blue mascaraed eyes were full of sleep and there were deep lines in the heavy coat of powder on her face where the witches had been riding her.

'I was feelin' bad and just thought I'd lie down for a-' she started alibi-ing rapidly in her flat Texas voice; then broke off. 'Oh, it's you!' she said.

I'd gotten Madge completely out of my thoughts and running into her like that startled me. I stood for a moment, looking at her stupidly as if she was some strange sight. Then I caught myself and said, 'Oh, I didn't know you were here.'

'I bet you did,' she said, trying to look coy.

I snapped off the light, started to beat it. I didn't want to see her now; I'd gotten over it. All I wanted to do was get away from her.

'Wait a minute,' she said. 'What's your hurry? You come in here and wake me up and then wanna rush off.' I could hear her sighing like an animal, see the vague outline of her body as she flexed the sleep out of it.

Voices sounded in the companionway outside, footsteps came our way. I groped quickly for the light, snapped it on again. I didn't want to be caught in the dark with her. And just in case somebody walked in I tried to make it look legitimate. 'I'd like to apologize,' I began in a fairly loud voice. 'I was upset that morning and-'

'Shut the door, fool!' she said as the voices drew nearer; jumped up and shut it herself, slid the latch on. She stood with her back toward it, looking at me.

The footsteps stopped outside and somebody tried the latch. Then a voice, a sly feminine lilt, a laugh, and the footsteps went on.

My lungs hurt from holding my breath. I let it out, got another lungful. 'Let me get the hell out of here,' I said, trying to push her aside. 'You're simple.'

By then I realized that some of the workers must have been using the cabin for loafing, sleeping, gambling, and assignation, and I didn't want to be found there with her under any circumstances.

But she wouldn't let me by. She put the palms of her hands over my ears, pressed the tips of her fingers against the back of my head, and pulled my face toward hers. She had a sharp mixed odour of sweat and powder, pungent and perfumed.

I broke away, gave her a push. She went back three steps, caught herself. 'Goddamnit, don't le's fight,' she said.

'Why don't you get some sense?' I said. I began inching back toward the door, scared any moment she might start to perform. It was funny the way I was trying to slip away from her without starting any ruckus; but it wasn't funny then. I was tense, nervous; really scared of that dame. 'Look,' I said, 'I'll call you up tonight.'

'You look, yo'self,' she said. Footsteps sounded in the companionway again. I had the door unlocked, but I locked it again, snatched my hand away as if it were hot.

I knew I should have run, got the hell away from that crazy bitch no matter who was out in the companionway. But I couldn't; all I could do was just stare at her. All she had was her colour, so help me, but it put me right back on that weakkneed edge.

But I came out of it. I said in a low, level voice, 'Look, baby, I don't want you. I don't want no part of you, that's final.' And I meant it.

'You're a liar,' she hissed.

Someone tried the handle of the door, rattled it. 'Why is this door locked?' a voice with authority asked. 'Is it supposed to be locked?'

'Nooo, not as I know of,' another voice replied. The lock was tried again.

'Is there anyone in there?' the first voice asked.

My eyes sought Madge's, warning. Hers were panicky, trapped. Neither of us breathed.

'I say, is anyone in there?' the voice asked again. 'Do you suppose there's anyone in there, Mr. Nelson?'

'Well…' The second voice hesitated, then said, 'There must be. It's locked from within.'

The first voice was crisp this time. 'Open up, this is the Navy inspector.' It waited. A fist banged on the door. Then it said, 'Get a burner, Mr. Nelson, we'll take off the lock.'

I let out my breath, gave Madge a last warning look, then said aloud, 'Okay, I'll open up, just a minute.'

Madge came into me from the angle, caught me off guard, flung me toward the bunk. The side of my right leg, just below the knee, clipped against the side of the bunk, broke me into a spinning fall. My head hit against the bulkhead and I sprawled face down on the mattress. I wheeled over, got one foot on the deck, and was coming up when she began to scream.

'Help! Help! My God, help me! Some white man, help me! I'm being raped.'

I saw the stretch and pop of her lips, the tautening of her throat muscles, the distortion and constriction of her face, the flare of her, nostrils and the bucking of her eyes with a weird stark clarity as if her face were ten feet high. I was in the middle of a breath and the air got rock-hard in my lungs, like frozen steam, and wouldn't budge. My whole body got rigid and my head swelled as if it would explode. My eyes felt as if they were five times their natural size; as if they were bursting in their sockets, popping out of my head. Then cold numbing terror swept over me in a paralysing wave.

'Stop, nigger! Don't, nigger! Nigger, don't! Oh, please don't kill me, nigger…'

I heard the sudden shouts from outside; the banging on the door, the startled curses, the savage commands. 'Open up this goddamn door, you black bastard! Open up, I say, or by God-' The confused orders, 'Get a torch! Get a sledge hammer! Call that chipper over here.' Heard the scuffling sounds of abrupt activity. Footsteps running, going and coming. New voices. More shouts.

But my mind could not rationalize it, could get no sense out of it. I could see and hear but could not move.

I watched Madge fumble at the latch, rattle it. She slammed against the door once but didn't open it. From without it sounded as if we were struggling, brought on a new chorus of pleading. Then she turned and sprang toward me, rolled me over on the bunk, beat at me with her fists, clawed at my face, scratched me with her nails, bit me on the arm.

Abruptly a raw wild panic exploded within me. The overwhelming fear of being caught with a white woman came out in me in a great white flame. I gave one great push, threw her off of me and half-way across the room, jumped to my feet, grabbed at the first thing I touched, and leaped at her to beat out her brains. She had landed off balance and when I hit at her she ducked, went sprawling on her back on the deck. I went to swing again, slipped, and my foot sailed in the air and I sat down on the end of my spine on the iron deck. Pain shot up my spine like a needle, shocked the fury out of me. I braced my hands on the deck, pushed to my feet. She lay there without moving and looked up at me. But there was no fear in her face.