Doug Johnstone - Smokeheads

‘What about our tracks around it? And up at the loch?’

Molly shook her head. ‘I just don’t know.’

‘How far do you think they’ll look?’

Molly didn’t speak, just shrugged.

Adam swallowed uncomfortably. ‘My clothes are lying on the floor in that farmhouse.’

Molly looked at him then pressed her fingers at her temples and scrunched her eyes shut. ‘Oh, Jesus.’

‘I know. What should we do?’

‘Is there anything identifying you?’

Adam shook his head. ‘Remember, Joe made us empty our pockets, so I had nothing on me. My DNA will be all over the clothes, though.’

Molly sat thinking for a moment, the corners of her mouth turned down. ‘We just have to hope forensics don’t get as far as the farmhouse, and that no one reports the break-in for a while.’

‘Is that it?’

‘We can’t do anything about it just now, the whole area will be crawling with police.’

‘Yeah, I know, but…’

‘It didn’t look as if anyone was living there for the winter. With any luck the break-in won’t be discovered till spring. In a few days, once this has all died down, I’ll go out there and get your clothes.’

‘Really?’

Molly looked away. ‘Sure.’

They sat in silence for a while.

‘Think they’ll find Luke?’ Adam said eventually.

‘Hopefully not for a while.’

‘So we just have to sit tight.’

‘Looks like it.’

They both drank again.

‘It’s unbearable,’ said Adam.

‘I know,’ said Molly, draining her glass and holding it out empty. ‘But we just have to bear it, don’t we?’

Adam struggled out of his chair, refilled both their glasses then slumped back down. He gazed at Molly. She’d hardly made eye contact since he’d come in. It broke his heart.

‘How are you?’ he asked.

‘OK.’

‘I mean after…’

‘I know what you mean.’

‘At least you got your revenge.’

Molly glared at him, locking eyes for the first time. ‘You think that helps?’

‘No, of course not, I didn’t mean…’

‘It’s not a matter of revenge.’

‘I know, I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.’

‘Then what did you mean?’

‘I don’t know.’ He felt tears well up in his eyes. ‘Jesus, I’m sorry, I just…’

He could feel Molly looking at him as he started to cry, his eyes stinging with tears, his breath halting. After a while he recovered himself, wiped his eyes with his sleeves, took a hit of whisky.

‘Sorry,’ he said.

‘Don’t be,’ said Molly. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take it out on you.’

There was a long silence, just the low chatter of the couple on television, who were now in a bedroom, handcuffed together.

‘So what now?’ Adam said after a while.

Molly sipped and shrugged. ‘I’ve got work tomorrow.’

‘You’re not seriously thinking of going in, are you?’

‘What else am I going to do?’

‘Surely they’d understand you’re in no fit state.’

‘I don’t mind,’ said Molly. ‘Better than sitting around here.’

Molly looked at him, and he spotted a glimmer of the kindness in her eyes that he’d first noticed, the affection she had for him before all this insanity.

‘What about you?’ she said.

‘I’m supposed to stay on the island until the police get back in touch. Roddy presumably won’t be out of hospital for a while. Then there’s Ethan.’

He fell silent. Was he supposed to deal with Ethan’s body? Shit, what about Debs, he hadn’t even called her. Was that his responsibility? He couldn’t face speaking to her. It would’ve been bad enough with a simple crash, but everything else, all the secrets and stupid lies they had to maintain, it was all just impossible. Everything was completely fucked up. How were they supposed to survive all this shit?

He felt a wave of immense fatigue sweep over him. He downed his whisky and rubbed at his face. He was stinking, he hadn’t showered in days. He noticed Molly was scrubbed clean, her hair still slightly damp.

‘Think I need to have a wash, get some rest maybe,’ he said, creaking out of the chair.

‘OK,’ said Molly, looking up at him.

Adam looked her in the eye. ‘Can I come back later?’

Molly held his gaze for a moment then looked away. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘I don’t want to be alone.’

‘I don’t think it’ll do any good for us to see each other.’

‘What do you mean?’

Adam stared at her, his heart thumping. Serenity now.

Molly looked at him and he struggled to swallow.

‘I don’t think we should keep in touch.’

‘What, ever?’

Molly finished her drink and put her glass down. ‘We’ll just remind each other of it all.’

Adam gulped heavily. ‘So what?’

She looked at him. ‘I don’t want to be reminded of it. Any of it.’

‘But…’ Adam realised he didn’t have an answer. He couldn’t bear it. It was all so fucking fucked up. ‘So this is it?’

Molly looked at him kindly. ‘Sorry, Adam, I just think it’s for the best.’

‘But I want to see you again.’

Molly smiled thinly. ‘Maybe you will, if there’s a court case.’

‘God, don’t say that.’

Molly rubbed her chin. ‘Let’s just try and forget any of this ever happened, OK?’

Adam knew that was impossible, and he knew Molly knew it too. He looked her in the eyes for a long time until eventually she turned away to watch the television. He kept staring at her in silence, not knowing what to do or say. Eventually he just sighed and turned to leave, his body exhausted beyond words and his mind buzzing with miserable nightmares.

A police car was parked outside the B and B.

Adam felt the malt coursing through his veins. He’d had three huge drams in the last hour and felt dizzy, his tongue dry and rough, a drouth coming on. He stopped a hundred yards from the car and tried to think. What did it mean? Had forensics found something already? Had the coastguard found Luke? Were they taking him back in for more questioning? He didn’t think he could cope with that.

Maybe he should disappear. There was plenty of space on this God-forsaken island, he could merge into the landscape, live off the land for a while. He laughed at his own stupidity. He’d almost died after a single day in the wilderness. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast yesterday. And yet he had no appetite, just rocks in his stomach, stones of worry rubbing away at his innards, eroding him from the inside out.

He could make out someone sitting in the car waiting for him. It didn’t look like the mainland inspector, the intimidating bouncer guy. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. He had to face it sooner or later anyway, he had nowhere else to go.

Molly didn’t want him at her place, didn’t want to see him ever again. Part of him could understand that. He wasn’t being punished, it wasn’t his fault, his presence in her life would be too much of a reminder. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t upset about it. They’d been through so much together, he felt a part of her life now in a visceral way he couldn’t have imagined, and the thought of never seeing her again made his heart pound and his body shake. Or maybe that was the whisky and the exhaustion and the shock finally kicking in.

He righted himself and walked towards the car, trying to keep his legs going straight and his chin raised.

As he approached, the driver’s door opened and a figure got out. It was Eric. Adam attempted a smile, and Eric smiled back as he came round the car to meet him.

‘Something up?’ said Adam, trying to sound upbeat.

Eric’s smile faded.