Doug Johnstone - Smokeheads

‘I don’t intend to.’

‘I swear to God, if you upset her, I’ll rip your bollocks off and feed them to you.’

‘I love you, too.’

‘I mean it. You’ve no idea what she put up with from that wanker.’

‘I have some idea.’

‘No, you don’t. He used to hit her, and worse. Much worse. If you tell her I told you, it’ll be bollocks-on-a-plate time, you got me?’

‘Loud and clear.’

‘Good. I’m off to bed.’ She ran a hand through her straggly hair. ‘Tell Roddy if he wants to find me, I’m working in the Ardview tonight.’

‘We’re barred, remember?’

‘Oh yeah. Well, whatever.’

She left the room and Adam looked around for his jacket, pulling it on and heading out the door.

Outside it was a shivering, clear morning. Seaweed and brine smacked him in the face as he walked back to the B amp;B. He thought about what Ash said. Worse than beating your wife meant one thing, and his stomach knotted at the thought of it.

He remembered the punch from Joe then the feel of Molly’s lips, then tried to shake his mind clear to think about today. This morning was his big chance to persuade Roddy, to turn his life around, and here he was hungover and thinking about her.

He was on the beach now, plastic junk littering the sand. He could smell diesel and rotting fish mixed with the salty air and residual whisky fumes in his nose. He spotted Ethan leaning against a low wall outside the B amp;B, putting his mobile away.

‘How’s Debs?’

Ethan looked up and frowned. He seemed to size Adam up then decide something. ‘Not great, actually.’

‘No?’

Ethan sighed. ‘I never told you guys, but we’ve started IVF.’

‘Really?’

‘Three years we were trying for kids, no joy. All the tests came back fine, but it just wasn’t happening. It’s been frustrating.’

‘I can imagine.’

Ethan looked up. ‘With all due respect, I don’t think you can. Anyway, we started treatment, but she’s just found out the first cycle didn’t work.’

‘Shit, Ethan, I’m sorry.’

Ethan rubbed his temple and squeezed his eyes tight. ‘Two grand down the toilet, and we need to wait months to try again.’

‘Two grand?’

Ethan raised his eyebrows. ‘I know. I wouldn’t care about the money, but the shit’s hitting the fan at work as well.’

‘Yeah?’

He gave Adam a tired look. ‘You know what it’s like at the moment, RBS are all over the fucking news. They’re sacking nine thousand staff, you think that won’t affect us?’

‘I presumed you were safe.’

‘No one’s safe. Chat is that half our department is getting the chop. Chances are either me or Debs will get the bullet. Maybe both.’

‘Jesus, I had no idea.’

Ethan shook his head. ‘That’s because I don’t shoot my mouth off all day like some people we know. Honestly, Roddy’s got a real cheek having a pop at me last night about money and risks. It’s because of morons like him that me and Debs are in this mess. If either of us gets sacked, we’re screwed. Can’t pay the mortgage or the car loan, and we just wasted two thousand quid on some useless eggs.’

‘I’m sorry, Ethan, I really am.’

‘The stress won’t be helping Debs, either. She’s taking it all pretty badly. Maybe I should just head home.’

Adam shook his head. ‘You’re here now, you might as well try and make the most of it. Could be your last jolly in a while. You’ll be home by tomorrow night anyway. Would it really make that much difference to get back a day early?’

‘I suppose you’re right.’ Ethan took a deep breath and tried to smile. ‘So, I take it you’ve been at Molly’s all night?’

Adam made a noncommittal face.

‘She seems nice,’ said Ethan.

‘She is.’

‘That sister of hers is a loose cannon.’

‘Yeah, I just saw her,’ said Adam. ‘She threatened to rip my balls off.’

‘Sounded through the wall like she was doing that to Roddy all night.’ Ethan laughed then looked at Adam. ‘What about Molly’s ex?’

‘What about him?’

‘He’s a piece of work.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Can’t believe we got barred from the only decent pub in town on our first night.’

‘That’s what happens if you fight a copper.’

‘He started it.’

Adam shrugged, the Clash song going through his head. They stood in silence, gulls gliding on thermals high overhead. Eventually Ethan spoke.

‘I know you all take the mick out of me for being a boring sod,’ he said. ‘Always checking in with the missus.’

‘We don’t.’

‘Come on, I’m not a bloody idiot. Just because I’m married and settled doesn’t mean I’m not the same person you were at uni with.’

‘I know that.’

‘It’s just that my priorities have changed, you know?’

‘Ethan, who the hell are we to take the piss out of you? You’ve got a proper, grown-up life, we’re all still dicking around like teenagers.’

More silence as the sun disappeared in a distant grey haze.

‘So what are we doing today?’ said Ethan after a while.

Adam looked at him. ‘I’ve got something special planned.’

‘Oh yeah?’

‘Take it easy,’ said Adam, hand braced against the glove compartment.

They were bumping over a rough single-track in the Audi, Roddy tanning it too fast over summits and round blind corners. If they met something coming the other way they were screwed. Molly was nestled between Luke and Ethan in the back, Snow Patrol blaring out of the speakers.

Roddy laughed. ‘I’ll slow down if you tell me where the fuck we’re going.’

Adam looked at him. ‘We’re nearly there.’

‘What’s the big fucking mystery?’

‘You’ll see soon enough.’

Adam looked at his watch. He pressed the button — 102 bpm. He took deep breaths and looked out the window. At least the weather was decent, clear cobalt skies above, just a murky grey cloudbank miles away to the west. It would hopefully show the distillery buildings in a good light. He felt his palm sweaty against the glove compartment and lifted it to see red lines where he’d been pressing. The car swung round a corner and he reached forward again. His other hand patted his jacket pocket, checking yet again that the business plans were still there. Serenity now.

They came over a rise and spotted a huge stone tower in the distance.

‘What’s the giant cock?’ said Roddy.

‘American Monument,’ said Molly, leaning forward.

‘What?’

‘Built to commemorate the people who died when an American ship was torpedoed by a German sub off the coast in 1918.’

‘And they thought a massive bell-end was appropriate?’

‘It’s supposed to look like a lighthouse.’

They drove on, glimpses of dark moorland on either side, peat bog then heather and bracken, rough, unwelcoming terrain all around.

Ethan struggled to unfold an OS map. ‘Where exactly are we?’

‘On the Oa,’ said Molly.

‘The what?’

‘The Oa.’

‘It sounds like you’re saying “The Oh”.’

Molly laughed. ‘I am.’

‘How do you spell it?’

‘O, A. Oa. The Oa.’

‘Oh, the Oa,’ said Ethan, smiling. He peered out the window. ‘Not much sign of life on the Oa.’

‘It’s the island’s most remote peninsula,’ said Molly. ‘Thousands used to live here, forced out in the Clearances.’

They passed a ruined farm, rough stone gable ends still standing, roof long since collapsed. Black-faced sheep chewed at grass tufts on both sides of the crumbled walls.

‘Apparently there are two whole abandoned villages on the Oa,’ said Molly. ‘Although I’ve never seen them. You can’t get to them by road.’