William Deverell - Kill All the Judges

Brian is going to dig up the dirt on her. If she’s lying he’ll cut her to pieces. Yes, Cud, your tireless advocate is going to get right on top of the case, you’re in safer hands than Allstate. Bry is a late starter, slow off the blocks, but watch him skim over those hurdles.

He rose to the window, looked across Main Street. The thin man was still there-he’d traded in the London Fog for a windbreaker, but it was the same guy, the same scrawny build. Standing under the shouting sign, “Girls! Girls! Girls!” Talking to the doorman at the Palace. Pointing across the street. That’s his hotel, he’s in 305, I want you to break his fingers so he can’t use a keyboard-we have to stop him.

The doorman nodded. He was a hulking fellow, a former Lions player, a tight end-Lance could only guess what that role involved; he’d never understood North American football, or why it was called football. Right now, the tight end was taking a pass from the thin man, several bills from his wallet. The thin man walked away.

Lance shrugged and turned from the window. He would rather look at his clever new secretary, who was doing the day’s final filing. She smiled. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Thank you, Ms. Wu. You’ve done splendidly for your first day.”

“Good starts raise false hopes.”

“Ah, the maxim of the day. You must write down your grandmother’s sayings. Wisdom unrecorded is wisdom lost.”

Finally a smile from her, a glint of interest. “Tomorrow I will remember the rose.”

“The prettiest one the florist has. But you’ll still put it to shame.”

She smiled, but in a tired way, with a hint of scorn-she’d heard it all before. “Thank you. Now I must leave.”

“I’m sorry, but that’s not a good idea.”

She paused while getting her coat. “Why?”

Lance pointed out the window. “See that bloke? The leviathan?”

She joined him, observed the tight end walking across the street toward their building.

“He means to do me harm.”

Frightened, she went to the phone. “I’ll call 911.”

“Jolly good idea. Make sure they send an ambulance. He’ll need one.”

Widgeon: The writer must endeavour to end each chapter with a gut-churning, page-turning moment of high suspense. Nudge your fickle reader into the next chapter before he escapes from your literary clutches, turns off the bedside lamp, rolls over, and enfolds himself in the arms of Morpheus.

Despite the master’s overblown prose, his advice, when stripped, is always on the mark. Yes, O Windy Sage, let’s leave the reader hanging there for the moment, before kicking his butt right into Chapter Eight.

Adream held for a few seconds, then shredded, leaving hazy recall of a courtroom, a pitcher of gin, Arthur on trial for being drunk and disorderly-a typical alcoholic’s dream that recurs in many guises. He blinked with relief: he wasn’t hungover.

The dream signalled he was depressed and anxious, but in the fog of waking he didn’t know why. Now last evening came back, a terrible evening, two long-distance calls featuring, first, the apologetic falseness of Nicholas Braid in Vancouver, followed by a detonation from Melbourne. Nick Junior had been abed when the calls came. How was Arthur to handle this, how to tell Nick that his father can’t make it for Christmas at Blunder Bay?

Nicholas Braid’s voice had been tight despite the few drinks he must have taken to brace himself. Something had come up. A group of VIJPs was in town for the holidays. Very Important Japanese People. The plan was to entertain them lavishly on Whistler Mountain, buy them choice seats for the World Figure Skating Trials.

“There’s no way I can crawl out of this one, Arthur. But I’m going to make it up to Nick big-time. Tell him I’ve booked New Year’s in Maui. Four days, five-star resort, first-class tickets.”

He must not have felt able to tell Nick himself, that’s why he called so late. Arthur could see no rational reason for his ex-son-in-law’s unpardonable behaviour and promptly informed on him to Deborah’s answering service.

Her return call woke Arthur at 3:00 a.m. She was spitting mad. Her lawyer was going to hire a detective to get evidence on Nicholas and the floozy he was obviously shacking up with. Then she was going to seek full custody. Nicholas wasn’t allowed on Garibaldi Island. He wasn’t allowed anywhere near his son. Nick was to stay on the island until she could fetch him home.

Arthur, at a loss as to how he might enforce these dicta, hadn’t uttered a syllable before she said abruptly, “Never mind, I’m going to tell him myself. Maui? Maui? Forget it. That piece of shit.”

What was Arthur to say to Nick?

Ten after seven. Through the window he could make out pasture and sea covered in low, thick mist, strands of it spiralling around the trunks of conifers. Apollo’s chariot had yet to wheel over the horizon, but there was a glow of his coming.

Margaret was in the kitchen, he could hear the blender, a clattering of pans, her basic-training voice, Nick’s responses. Cool. Whatever. He’d been conscripted as sous-chef for a spread planned for Christmas Day. A dozen carefully chosen guests-major donors for the Greens-plus the woofers.

He rose from bed, showered, dressed, worrying and fussing about Nick, about surviving tomorrow’s dinner. Hosting a houseful of ideologues was not Arthur’s idea of a merry Christmas. A humourless crowd, these Greens, with their dispiriting news about the planet.

His walking shoes today-a hike to the general store, and when the mists dissolved he might carry on up Mount Norbert, the island’s highest peak, more than a thousand feet. Enjoy the view, find some peace.

In the kitchen, he poured a coffee, watched Margaret demonstrate how to mash potatoes. “Got it?”

“Yeah, I think.”

“Good. Run out to the root cellar and grab a few turnips.”

“What do they look like?”

She explained. He slouched out. With flour-coated hands, Margaret gingerly reciprocated Arthur’s hug. “Baking powder, silver wrap, and eight lemons, could you, please, Arthur? When you go to the store? Baking powder , not soda.” A deep breath. “You’re going to have to tell him his father’s not coming.”

“Yes, I must do that.”

“Nicholas wouldn’t have fitted in anyway. He’s too straight-laced. He talks only about golf. Will you do the bar tomorrow, Arthur, can you handle that?”

“With steely determination.”

“Otherwise, I want you to stay out of the kitchen. This is my affair. All I ask is that you attend. Be your usual courteous self. Don’t scare people with obscure literary references. And, please, please, don’t start arguing. You don’t know anything about politics, dear. That’s why you’re a Conservative.”

To Arthur, women were unfathomable, but after one failed marriage and seven loving but hectic years with this master of the indirect dig, he was learning. These guests were important to her and she didn’t want him spouting off, damaging her chances at the nomination.

“I shall not make any speeches about corrupt, asinine politicians.” He will stay out of the kitchen. Stay away from the heat.

“I don’t want this to be a burden to you. I’ve heard your speech about politics a dozen times.” A pause. “I won’t ask you to support me in this.”

He sought a satisfactory way to respond to that sledgehammer line. Apologize? Repeat the speech? Fire back?

The phone rang, coitus interruptus to this prickly conversation. Before picking up, she said, “Have your talk with Nick. Look in on the woofers. It’s milking time.”