Ed McBain - The Last Brief

So we began.

It was very difficult to explain Solly’s script, especially to a pair of dopes like Harry and the girl. The first thing she wanted to know was what the CAST OF CHARACTERS page meant. That particular page was at the very beginning of the script, and it looked like this:

CAST OF CHARACTERS

(In Order of Appearance)

THE GIRL

THE LEADING MAN

THE WRITER

THE CAMERAMAN

THE DIRECTOR

Solly explained to her that the movie utilized a play-within-a-play technique, which these days was very popular and chic, not to mention tasteful. He also explained that the movie was about a movie. That is to say, we were really making two movies here, one of them the movie we were making and the other one a movie about the movie we were making. The girl immediately complained that we hired her to make only one movie, and now we were telling her she had to act in two movies. It took us an hour and a half of valuable time to explain that it was really only one movie, and if she just trusted our taste and our judgement she would see that it worked as art and also as a delicate probing of the sexual impulses, dreams, and realizations of all human beings. She listened carefully to everything we said, and then she thought it over, and then she said, ‘Still, if it’s two movies, I want a bigger percentage.’

So we upped her percentage to fifteen points, and since Harry was standing there listening to all this, we were forced to raise his percentage to ten, which meant that together they were into the movie for twenty-five points. This didn’t bother us. We just wanted to get the thing going. But now that the girl had fifteen percent of the picture, she began immediately behaving like a star. First she wanted to know what kind of camera Ben had there on the tripod.

‘That is an eight-millimeter camera,’ Ben told her. ‘We will have the film blown up later. It’s cheaper to do it this way than to shoot in thirty-five from the beginning. It’s the stock that costs a lot of money, you see.’

‘What do you mean “stock”?’ she said.

‘The raw stock. The film.’

‘Is this picture in colour?’ she said.

‘Yes, of course,’ Ben said.

‘Because I look very good in colour,’ she said.

‘Oh, yes, everything will be in colour,’ he said. He turned to me, and said, ‘I’m ready to roll whenever you are.’

‘What about the lights?’ the girl asked. ‘Are we just going to shoot with just the lights that are here?’

‘I’m using very fast film,’ Ben said. ‘We don’t need any special lighting. Also, it will make the picture look more natural this way.’

‘And where’s my makeup man?’ she said.

‘We want you to look very natural,’ I said. ‘That was one of the things that first attracted us to you. The natural look you have.’

‘Well,’ she said, and thought this over.

Solly, who is normally a very patient man, said, ‘I don’t want to butt in here on technical matters, but time is what costs money on a movie set. Time costs more money than film. And we have been here since eight o’clock tonight, and it is now almost ten, and we haven’t shot a foot of film. If we’re going to complete this thing in the time we have laid out for it, then if everybody is ready, I think we ought to start shooting the first scene.’

‘I was only worried about makeup,’ the girl said, ‘because I have a tiny little beauty spot on the underside of my left breast, and I wondered if you wanted to touch it up or anything.’

‘We’ll see about that when we come to it,’ I said.

‘Actually, the beauty spot will make you look even more natural,’ Solly said.

‘We’ll see when you take off your clothes,’ Ben said.

‘Will I be taking off my clothes tonight?’

‘Yes, in the first scene you take off your clothes,’ Solly said.

‘Because I feel a little funny about taking off my clothes in a room full of men, in front of a camera.’

‘Well, there’s only us,’ I said.

‘Still.’

‘And remember that millions and millions of people will be seeing you naked when this picture is released. And we’ll all make millions and millions of dollars,’ I added.

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘but still.’

‘I wish we could begin,’ Solly said.

‘Are you ready?’ I asked her.

‘I guess so,’ she said, ‘but if I seem a little embarrassed at first, I hope that’ll be all right.’

‘That’s perfect for the part,’ Solly said. ‘Don’t worry about it.’

‘Am I supposed to wear just my own clothes?’ the girl said.

‘Yes, that’s part of it too,’ I said. ‘We want this to be as natural as we can make it, without a lot of fancy costumes and such.’

‘I thought I’d have maybe a special wardrobe.’

‘Well,’ I said, ‘we’ve picked out some very beautiful and tasteful lingerie for you to wear later on in the picture, and also some attractive costumes with leather and buckles and such, that will set you off to fine advantage, but that’s later. In the beginning scenes, in these opening scenes where you apply for a job in the film, we want you to look as natural as possible.’

‘If I’d known you wanted me to look so natural, I wouldn’t have worn a bra,’ she said.

‘No, the bra is good,’ I said. ‘For some strange reason, men enjoy seeing a girl in her underwear, the bra will be fine.’

‘Well, okay,’ she said. ‘But it isn’t even my best bra.’

‘I’m sure it’ll be fine,’ I said.

‘Well, okay,’ she said.

‘Are we ready to begin,’ I said. ‘Harry? Are you ready?’

‘I’m ready,’ Harry said, ‘though if there’s any sex stuff in these opening scenes, I don’t know if I’m ready for that. ’

‘Let me explain the scene to you, okay?’ I said.

‘I mean, a person can’t just perform on cue, you know what I mean?’ Harry said.

‘Yes, I know just what you mean,’ the girl said, and smiled at him. ‘I’ll tell you the truth, I’m very excited about this being the first day of shooting and all — the first night of shooting, I should say — but I’m not excited that way, I mean I’m not too terribly physically or sexually excited at this given moment. Are you?’

‘No,’ he said, ‘I’m not excited at all. In fact, I’m not even excited about it being the first night of shooting. I had a terrible day today, this man came in with his car almost totalled, and he insisted...’

‘Could we please begin?’ Solly said. ‘Please?’

‘People?’ I said. ‘Are we ready?’

‘Ready,’ Ben said.

‘Ready,’ the girl said.

‘Sure,’ Harry said, and shrugged.

I explained the first scene to them. In this scene, the girl is supposed to come up to the loft and audition for the three producers of the film, who are also serving respectively as script writer, cameraman, and director. They have arranged for the girl to meet her leading man, and in a tasteful and artistic setting, they ask that she take off her clothes so that they can judge whether or not she will be physically suited to the role.

‘Well, I’m certainly physically suited,’ the girl said. ‘Otherwise you wouldn’t have hired me, would you?’

‘Yes,’ I explained. ‘Of course you are, but that’s in real life, and this is in the movie. In the movie, the producers aren’t sure yet, which is why they ask you to take off your clothes.’

‘Well, are these producers blind or something? I mean, anybody can see I’m physically suited, even with my clothes on.’

‘There’s a reason for this,’ I said, ‘because for some strange reason, men like to see a girl taking off her clothes.’