Ed McBain - The Last Brief

The girl said this was okay with her, she was as interested in doing as artistic a job as the rest of us, but it would help if she understood a lot of the words in the script, like sometimes Solly’s descriptions were very artistic but a little difficult to understand. We asked her to point out a specific instance in the script, and she said, ‘Well, like this one.’

174 THE LOFT — INT — NIGHT

The Girl is clad in leather straps.

She does fellatio on The Cameraman.

‘I just don’t know what he means by “clad in leather straps,” the girl said.

‘We’ll show you the costume when we get to it,’ I said.

‘And also,’ she said, ‘it would help if I could see some of the scenes we already shot, so that I could know what I was doing right or doing wrong.’

‘That’s very bad for an actress,’ I said. ‘It only makes her self-conscious. Just take our word that you look beautiful and entirely convincing. I think I can say, in fact, that even in those scenes where Solly or I were handling the camera while Ben was working with you, even those scenes came out beautiful.’

‘Even the close-ups?’

‘The close-ups are particularly beautiful.’

‘Well, okay,’ she said. ‘But this scene we’re supposed to shoot tonight, the one where I’m supposed to be between you and Solly?’

‘Between The Director and The Writer, you mean.’

‘Yeah, you and Solly,’ she said. ‘I want you to know that I can’t even draw a straight line with my left hand. So I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this both together. I might get mixed up.’

‘Just do your best,’ I said. ‘Believe me, you’re everything we hoped for. You’re making our dreams come true.’

‘Well, thanks,’ she said, and lowered her eyes. ‘And I want you fellows to know something, too. And that it is that I think you really are trying hard here not to make a cheap or dirty picture. I think it’s marvellous the way you pay so much attention to detail and want to get things absolutely right. I really do hope we make lots of money on it, but that’s not the important thing. The important thing is that I got a chance to work with professional people who really care. That, to me, is very very important, and I just wanted to thank you.’

And that was when Harry the dope stepped in and ruined the entire thing.

He called me at Benjamin Brothers Apparel, and left a message that I was to return his call right away. When I got back off the road, it must have been three or four o’clock in the afternoon. I called him up, and he said he wanted to meet me for a drink before we began shooting that night. I thought for a minute that maybe Ben had forgotten to send him his twenty-five dollar cheque, and I asked Harry if that was the problem, but he said, ‘No, no, I got the cheque, it’s something else.’ So I agreed to meet him at a bar near the loft, though to tell the truth I wasn’t too anxious to talk to him. We were supposed to shoot a very delicate scene that night in which The Director and The Girl experiment with a great many interesting and artistic approaches to exploring personalities through sexual experience, and I wanted to prepare myself for it by taking a little nap before I reported for work.

Harry was already sitting at a table when I came in. I walked over, pulled out a chair and sat down. He stared at me for a long time, the dope.

‘I can guess what the problem is,’ I said. ‘You’re wondering when you’ll be back in the movie again. Well, I’m happy to tell you it’s going along splendidly, and it’ll seem like no time at all till we shoot that big wedding scene.’

I smiled at him. He was still staring at me.

‘That’s not what I want to talk about,’ he said.

‘What do you want to talk about?’

‘There is no film in the camera,’ he said.

‘What?’

‘There has never been any film in the camera.’

‘That’s ridiculous,’ I said. ‘Who told you that?’

‘I found out for myself.’

‘How did you find out?’ I said. ‘And besides, it’s a lie.’

‘It’s not a lie,’ Harry said. ‘Do you remember going out for hamburgers last night at two in the morning? Do you remember that?’

‘I remember it.’

‘I sneaked into the loft.’

‘You didn’t sneak into the loft. We locked the door behind us.’

‘I went up the fire escape and in through the window. There was no film in that camera.’

‘That’s because we were finished for the night. Ben had already unloaded.’

‘You were not finished for the night. You came back to the loft at precisely three-ten a.m.’

‘At which time Ben probably reloaded the camera.’

‘There was no film any place in the loft. I looked all over the loft. There was no film. None. Now I’ understand why Ben always went into the bathroom to reload. You are not shooting a movie there,’ Harry said.

‘Of course we’re shooting a movie.’

‘You are paying a girl fifty dollars a week so that the three of you can indulge whatever bizarre sexual fantasies you have, sometimes seven and eight hours a night, every day of the week including Saturdays and Sundays.’

‘We are doing nothing of the sort.’

‘That’s just what you’re doing,’ Harry said. ‘You are treating that girl like a common streetwalker, except that you’d have to pay a streetwalker more than you’re paying her. It’s obscene,’ Harry said.

‘Harry,’ I said, ‘don’t be a dope.’

‘I am not a dope,’ he said, ‘I happen to be a very highly regarded insurance adjuster. And anyway, I wanted to see you today only to tell you it’s finished.’

‘What’s finished?’

‘The picture’s finished, the whole set-up is finished. I’ve already discussed it with her, and she’s quitting. In fact, she’s already quit.’

‘You’ve discussed it with the girl?’

‘I’ve been seeing her regularly. I’ve been seeing her every day. She told me what was going on, and that was when I got suspicious and decided to check up.’

‘Harry,’ I said, ‘don’t be a dope. If that’s what you suspect... if what you suspect is that the three of us figured out a scheme to get a little sexual pleasure at a minimal weekly cost... if that’s what you suspect, which is a lie, we’ll be happy to cut you in on the deal, we’ll put you back in the picture starting tonight. I’ll ask Solly to rewrite the script so that there’s a great deal of action between The Girl and The Leading Man, we’ll do that right away, if that’s what you suspect, though of course it’s a lie.’

‘I love her,’ Harry said.

‘You what?’

‘I love her. I’ve asked her to marry me.’

‘Harry,’ I said, ‘that’s in the movie

‘It’s in real life, too,’ he said. ‘She’s going to marry me, we’re leaving this city as soon as you and I are finished with our talk here. You just try to go anywhere near her, or telephone her, or anything, and I’ll call the police. I’m sure what you did here was illegal. You signed a contract with her, and also with me, and we’re supposed to get a percentage of the profits on this movie you were making without any goddamn film in the camera!’

‘Harry,’ I said, ‘you can’t fault us for a small oversight like forgetting to put film in the camera.’

He hit me in the nose then, and broke it.

I will never forgive Harry. Never. I don’t mean about the nose because to tell the truth my nose was never such a prize to begin with, and besides, they tapped it up nice, and the bones knitted, though a little crooked. I am talking about the way he ruined our dream. Solly tells me the best laid plans, and all that, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. And Ben has been going around town telling anybody who’ll listen that the idea was his to begin with, which it wasn’t, and anyway that’s not the point. The point is he’s killing any chance we might possibly have of finding ourselves another girl, and making her a star, too, when if only he’d shut up...