Lindsey Davis - Graveyard of the Hesperides

Tiberius was perhaps not fooled.

Next day we woke at first light. We had breakfast at the Stargazer, our usual haunt, then made our way over to the Argiletum while decent shopkeepers were still emptying out water buckets to wash the pavement and sweeping off their frontages. Scents of new bread and fresh flowers filled the air.

Yesterday, after I told him about the damage, Tiberius had been thoroughly depressed, though as was his way he held back from exploding until he had seen it. He had sent a message from the aediles’ office to ask the Third Cohort to exercise that slippery commodity “extra vigilance.” This was to apply both at the bar and also at Mucky Mule Mews where burglars had been chased off. The security measures Tiberius requested meant that, certainly at the Hesperides, a few members of the vigiles sat outside all night. In their eyes, they were making their presence felt to keep an aedile happy. If anyone had been so foolish as to try a new invasion of the premises, they would probably just have said hello.

When we arrived in the morning they had gone. However, there was a draftboard drawn on the pavement, lots of crumbs and an empty amphora to prove we had had protection last night. An extremely sordid pigeon was gobbling the crumbs. We shooed him away despondently.

Tiberius found Trypho in the courtyard with Serenus, hammering the benches back together. Having proper seats to sit on and moan was their priority. Reinstating the works could wait until the others arrived. In fact, I knew it would wait until they had arrived, taken a gloomy look around, discussed what had happened in endless, ponderous detail and then gone out to buy breakfast to take their minds off the calamity.

I watched how Tiberius tackled this. The spoliation clearly made him furious but he wasted no time complaining. Looking pale (which could be the after-effect of an evening spent with relatives), he surveyed the scene. He jumped on spoil heaps, clambered into what remained of the trench, prodded, kicked the ruined concrete, tossed timber aside. Then he fetched out a note tablet and quietly began making a list of what could be salvaged, what had to be rebuilt and the order in which his men should tackle everything. He was set-faced, yet a practical man who simply began repairs. Larcius arrived. Tiberius handed him the list. The foreman read it, then nodded his approval.

Trypho’s bruises were coloring up well. We said he looked like a painted Greek temple. Tiberius quizzed him about the man he had taken on. According to Trypho it was a giant with leather wrist guards, an urban Hercules. “That’s appropriate,” I said, indicating the bar’s signboard. Trypho stared blankly.

At that point, I had no doubt that the perpetrators of the Hesperides damage were Menendra’s surly bodyguards. It seemed logical. I would have liked to link them to the attempted break-in at Mucky Mule Mews but nobody had seen those burglars close up. Still, both attacks were so obvious it was stupid, so perhaps that in itself showed a connection.

Logic can let you down. As we set about tidying up the site, with me helping, Macer turned up with a group of his men, dragging along Menendra’s heavies for Trypho to identify. To my surprise, he said neither of them looked like the man he had found damaging the works. Besides, neither had the nose damage he had inflicted.

Macer decided that since the pair had been arrested, he would keep them in custody anyway. “My torturer has nothing else to do today, so he can put in a spot of practice with his weights and chains, maybe do some red-hot pokerwork. There must be something these lags will confess to. We’ll see.”

Now I looked closely, the prisoners were both burly and cauliflower-eared. That could be because they had a history of fights, or else they had brawling wives who owned particularly weighty frying pans.

As they slumped in the arms of their captors, it looked as if they had already been softened up with a few vigiles rib-thumps. I marched up and asked what they did for Menendra. I had a fair idea, but would have liked to know what job description they gave publicly. One made a feeble attempt of muttering “Who?” When I pointed out I had seen them all together yesterday, the other just spat on the ground. He made sure to avoid me. Even so, one of the vigiles gave him a great shake. “Naughty!”

“It’s all right,” I returned in my mildest tone. “Some people cannot help being barbarians. I expect these came to Rome to get civilized. The etiquette lessons are simply not working.”

“Where do you think they hail from?” Tiberius asked Macer.

“Some cesspit in the east. I could send them back to swim in their home dung, but to save the expense I’d rather wheel them out for the lions.”

In the arena, criminals who felt too nervous of the big cats were indeed placed on little wheeled trolleys and pushed forward. An uncle of mine had that happen. It made a good story at Saturnalia, provided his children weren’t listening.

“My quota for the amphitheater is a bit low this month,” Macer continued. “I could use a higher tally to impress my tribune. I get a free ticket if I send enough lowlifes to the beasts.”

Perhaps he was joking to worry the prisoners but he sounded as if he meant it. I still thought these men had been involved in the attempted break-in, yet they were clearly exonerated from smashing up the bar. I told Macer to have the old couple and their son from Mucky Mule Mews take a look at them.

“You don’t want to waste helpful witnesses, Macer.” Of course neither they nor their son had really seen the burglars but we were all bluffing. To the enforcers, I said, “If you tell me what you went to look for in that burglary, I will intercede for your release.” No use. “I see you’re too frightened of Menendra and not scared enough of me!”

“They will learn!” scoffed Tiberius cheerily.

He went back to attend to his site, so I followed. Not knowing what else I could do next on my inquiry, I decided at least my presence would boost his morale. To my surprise he suddenly took me in his arms. “Don’t worry,” he urged, as if he thought I was afraid life with him might always involve pillage and property-wrecking.

I helped where I could. I can carry a bucket. While we were sorting out the mess, his brother-in-law appeared on-site again. Until Antistius came, we had been making good progress. Larcius had hired in a couple of extra bodies, wide-chested jolly laborers who set to with picks as if demolishing ruined concrete was their idea of a picnic on the beach. Our usual men cleared the rest of the site. Tiberius had been off with Sparsus for more materials; when I joked that “going to buy materials” was a good old builders’ excuse, he cheered up enough to smile and aim a spank at me. (He missed. I saw it coming.) Then to spoil our day, we had our visitation.

Antistius hinted again that what happened here was caused by Tiberius somehow failing to exercise control. Viewing Tiberius as an amateur, the swine was sneering today as much as yesterday.

We were lumbered with him. He had escorted Aunt Valeria to my parents’ house this morning, which had let him shed his wife and children. Fania had taken the boys to the imperial menagerie. I disapproved. In our family my mother would choose expeditions, but normally my father tagged along. We would all be disappointed if he could not come with us; only significant business ever stopped him.

Antistius had no excuse. Here he was, bringing his youngsters to the city for the first time, yet he preferred to slither off to annoy other people. He started to give us pompous theories about what the workmen should or should not be doing; they shot looks at Tiberius, who washed his hands in a bucket of water, then hauled Antistius out of the bar to let them get on.