Lindsey Davis - Shadows in Bronze

'I am!' I leaned my elbows on my knees, rubbing my eyes. 'I deserve a rest; I want to go home; I need an affectionate woman to tuck me into bed with a beaker of milk!'

Fausta laughed. 'Nutmeg or cinnamon? In your milk?

I laughed too, reluctantly. 'Nutmeg, I think.'

'Oh yes; cinnamon turns grainy if it stands…' We had nothing in common. The pleasantries petered out.

'Seen Helena Justina?' I felt restless. I wanted to consult Helena about what had happened after she had left.

'Oh, Helena went off with my brother. Something far too private to need any witnesses!' Fausta warned me in an arch tone as I started to my feet. A knot formed in my windpipe; I tried to ignore it. The magistrate's sister smiled at me with a silkmess that said she was a hungry sea anemone and I was a drifting shrimp. 'Helena Justina will not thank you if you intrude-'

'She's used to it. I worked for her once.'

'Oh Falco, don't be so innocent!'

'Why?' I forced out, still making conversation. 'What's her secret?

‘She sleeps with my brother,' Fausta proclaimed.

I did not believe her. I knew Helena Justina better than that. There were many men Helena might let her fancy light upon, but I was absolutely certain that brilliant, blond, rangy, successful magistrates – who ignored their escorts at dinner parties – were not her type.

At that moment Helena and Aemilius Rufus came together into the room.

And I believed it after all.

He had his arm tightly round her. Either Helena needed support for some reason, or the magistrate liked holding her. I could not blame him; I liked holding Helena myself.

As Rufus billowed through the door, like a gorgeous crocus in his saffron dinner robe, he bent that golden head towards hers and murmured some intimacy. I could only escape from the room by smacking straight past them, so I stood where I was with my head tipped back. Then Helena exchanged replies with Rufus, who signalled to me.

I walked across, coolly.

Aemilius Rufus inflicted on me his easy-going, meaningless smile. I spared myself the trouble of making a mess of his mouth. No need to hurt my fist. If this was what the lady wanted, no point causing a scene. He had the rank (which did not bother me) but he also had the lady. I could only get the worst of it.

Helena stayed silent and downcast while Rufus took the lead: a strong woman letting herself be made submissive by a conventional man. She was wasting herself on him. Still, most of them do.

It was Rufus who spoke: 'I gather you act as Helena's bodyguard from time to time; she needs you now.' From his lazy manner, he was trying to disguise some disaster I was too low to be told about.

I hate being patronized. 'Too many prior commitments,' I refused him stubbornly.

Helena knew when I was angry, especially with her. ‘Didius Falco!' she appealed to me formally. 'We have heard something here tonight; if it is true it's unbelievable. I must talk to you -' A train of revellers suddenly crashed into the room, knocking the three of us sideways. 'Not here -' she frowned in helplessness, above the influx of noise.

I shrugged. I wanted to leave anyway. If Crispus intended taking Fausta home on his yacht, he had left me a free agent for the rest of the night.

Rufus released Helena. 'I'll manage for your chair.'

He left the room ahead of us. 'Found someone to ease your troubles, I see!' I sneered at Helena. In the lamplight her eyes had grown as dark as olives; they met mine in surging distress at my callous tone. Her unspoken reproach troubled me unexpectedly.

Helena walked quickly after the magistrate; I strode alongside. When we came into the atrium Rufus waved to say his orders were in hand, then went off in another group. Theirs must be a long-standing, casual affair, I reflected bitterly. She and I waited outside, where there was a sea breeze and more peace.

The air was cool, though still pleasant. Even I could admit the Bay of Neapolis was one of the most elegant quirks of geography in the Empire. Extremely civilized by starlight. I saw its fabled attraction. As the summer wavelets lapped a few paces away, I could even imagine why other daft people thought so highly of the sea.

It was a bland, beautiful night and I had nothing left to do with it but share the peace and the starlit scenery with the girl at my side – who had once been so sweet and soft and mysteriously friendly towards me but who tonight was herself; a senator's daughter and the mistress of a magistrate, completely cut off from a bug like me.

Her chair was too long coming.

'What happened with Crispus?' Helena enquired in a colourless voice when our silence became uncomfortable.

'I failed to convince him.'

'What will he do?'

'I can't tell.'

'He may not know himself.' She spoke quietly, frowning. I let her talk. 'This is what he's like. He makes up his mind on a whim, then he rapidly changes it. I can remember him talking about horses with Pertinax; after a long debate, when everyone had agreed how they were all going to bet, Crispus would immediately settle on some different horse of his own…' She tailed off.

'Did he win?' I muttered, staring out to sea.

'No, that was the stupidity. He usually lost money. He could not even grasp how well Pertinax knew horses.'

Despite myself I was being drawn in. 'He mind losing?'

'No. Losing funds – or losing face – never frightens him.'

'This seems a gamble too. Something to do. He has no driving sense of injustice or ambition. At least Gordianus displayed some intensity! If the worst Crispus can complain about is that in Africa Vespasian ran short of cash, the man is certainly not driven by maniacal jealousy-' Helena's stillness beside me was helping me crystalize the problem for myself. 'He could be won over. He has talent; he deserves a position. But the Emperor sent the wrong man to reclaim him. Crispus thinks I'm about as important as a ball of fluff in a lamb's tail; and he's right-'

'He's wrong!' Helena frowned, with only half her concentration. 'You can manage it.' Suddenly she turned to me, leaning against my side. 'Oh Marcus, I can't bear all this – Marcus, hold me! Please, just for a moment-'

I moved abruptly away.

'Other men's women hold certain attractions- but excuse me, I'm not in the mood tonight!'

She stood straight as a spear, and I heard her deep, shocked breath.

I had shocked myself.

Time to leave. A chair in the Marcellus livery drew up nearby. Rufus was nowhere in sight.

'There were two things I needed to tell you,' Helena whispered fiercely. 'One I must deal with by myself! But I am asking you to go with me to the villa-'

'Why not your handsome friend?'

'Because I want you.'

'Why should I work for you?'

She looked me straight in the face: 'Because you are a professional and you can see I am afraid!'

I was a professional. She never forgot that. Sometimes I wished she would.

'All right. The usual rates,' I answered softly. 'The same rules as before: if I give you instructions don't argue, just follow them. And to do the job properly I need to know what frightened you-'

Helena said, 'Ghosts!'

Then she walked to her chair without a backward glance, knowing I would follow her.

It was a single chair. I had to stalk the two miles to the villa behind it, chewing over my anger about Rufus as I went.

Helena had four bearers and two fat little boys with torches, all of whom started looking at me as if they knew exactly why her ladyship had brought me along. Going up the mountainside there were plenty of places where we could pause to admire the panorama, and I ground my teeth as I sensed the bearers' contempt when we continued without stopping and they realized their mistake.