Janet Evanovich - Motor Mouth

I called Gobbles on his cell.

“We’re a couple cars behind you,” I told him. “We’re going to get you out when they stop to take a break. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m cramped, but I’m okay.”

I disconnected.

“Do you know the hauler driver?” I asked Hooker.

He shook his head. “Only superficially. The Huevo people keep to themselves. Not a real friendly group.”

We were about ten miles north of Miami when the hauler took an exit. My heart did a little tap dance in my chest, and I momentarily stopped breathing. The smart, sane part of my brain had been hoping I’d get a call from Gobbles saying he’d found an unlocked escape hatch in the roof, and he didn’t need our help. The stupid, crazy part of my brain was flirting with the fantasy that I was about to have a James Bond experience and perform a kick-ass rescue. And the chickenshit part of my brain was running down black roads of terror.

The truck stopped at the end of the off-ramp and turned left. A half mile down the road, it pulled into the lot for a large truck-stop-type diner and drove to the truck and bus parking at the rear. Three other haulers were already parked there. Hooker circled the lot and waited at idle toward the front. The two hauler drivers came from behind the building and went into the diner.

The back lot where the trucks were parked was lit by a single overhead halogen. The 69 hauler had running lights on and the engine at idle. Standard procedure. It was a natural assumption that no one would be insane enough to try to steal a hauler. No point in shutting down the systems. Hooker cut his lights, eased up to the 69, and parked. All haulers have exterior cargo bays that are used for storing cartons of soda, automotive equipment, barbecue grills, and whatever else. The cargo bay closest to the left-rear door usually contains the remote used to operate the back-panel hydraulics. I ran to the hauler and attempted to open the rear-bay door. Locked. Hooker tried the bay on the other side. Also locked. We tried the side door. Locked.

“Find something to jimmie the bay door,” I told Hooker. “We’re going to have to break him out.”

Hooker searched the rental for a tire iron or screwdriver, and I searched the truck cab for a key. We both came up empty.

I glanced at my watch. We’d gone through fifteen minutes. “We can’t get the door open without the remote,” I said to Hooker. “And he’s going to be in there for a long time if we miss this opportunity. I’m at a loss. Do you have any ideas?”

Hooker sucked in some air and blew it out. “Yeah. We could steal the hauler.”

“Get serious.”

“I am serious. It’s all I can come up with. We drive the hauler down the road, park it behind a Wal-Mart or something, buy a can opener, get Gobbles out, and take off. Some of the trucks are equipped with a GPS tracker. If Huevo has a tracker on this hauler, they can find it immediately. If not, we can go to a pay phone and tell them where the hauler is located.”

“This hauler has a tracker. I saw the antenna when I was crawling around, looking for a way to break in. So we wouldn’t really be stealing. It would be more like borrowing.”

“Whatever.”

I gnawed on my lower lip. The very thought of “borrowing” the hauler gave me stomach cramps.

“We’re running out of time,” Hooker said. “What’s it going to be? Are we doing this?”

I punched Gobbles’s number into my cell. “Are you still okay?”

“It’s really stuffy in here. Are you going to get me out soon? I’m not feeling good.”

“We can’t get the door open. We’re going to drive you down the road and get some tools. Hang in there.”

Hooker hauled himself up into the truck cab and angled behind the wheel.

“Hey, wait a minute,” I said. “Why do you get to drive the big truck?”

“I’m the driver. I always drive. It’s what I do. Anyway, have you ever driven an eighteen-wheeler?”

“Yes. Have you?” I asked him.

“Yep,” Hooker said.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“I do. Your mouth gets this little crook in it when you lie.”

“Give me a break here. I’m a testosterone-crazed race-car driver. I’ve gotta drive the boat.”

“This is a truck.”

“Truck, boat…it’s all the same. Look at it. It’s big. It’s a guy toy.”

“You know about the air brakes, right?” I asked Hooker.

“Yeah. Air brakes.”

“And you know how to turn the headlights on? You’ve only got running lights right now.”

“Yeah. Lights.”

“This truck has approximately five hundred and fifty horses and an eighteen-speed transmission.”

“Yep.”

“The trailer’s fifty-three feet long, so you have to watch the turning radius?”

“I’ve got it under control,” Hooker said. “Get in the car and follow me out.”

Beans was sitting up, looking out the window at me when I returned to the SUV. He was doing heavy-duty panting and his forehead was wrinkled.

“Don’t worry,” I said to him. “He’ll be fine. He knows what he’s doing.”

Beans looked like that registered a seven on his bullshit-o-meter. I’d actually placed it a couple points higher on mine. I buckled myself in, cranked the engine over, and waited for Hooker to roll. I gripped the wheel and whispered under my breath, “Take it slow.” When the hauler crept forward, my grip went white knuckled and my breath caught in my chest.

Hooker was smoothly moving the truck across the back lot, toward the front of the building, inching along without lights. He eased the hauler into the exit lane, and I fell in line behind him. This was the moment of no return. In minutes he’d be on the highway in a hijacked truck. Time for honesty. If we got caught, we’d be out of NASCAR and into Florida penal.

My heart was pounding so hard it was blurring my vision. Even Beans was instinctively alert, no longer panting. I checked him out in my rearview mirror to make sure he was okay and we locked eyes. Probably it was my spooked imagination, but I swear he looked as terrified as I felt.

Hooker left-turned the hauler off the diner property and his rear tires ran over the curb and took out a four-foot-tall pygmy date palm and an entire flower bed. I looked around in panic, but didn’t see anyone rushing out of the diner after him.

“I didn’t see that,” I said to Beans. “You didn’t see it either, right?”

Hooker maneuvered the truck out of the flower bed, onto the feeder road and then onto the highway, heading south. He turned his lights on, brought the rig up to speed, and we both went into cruising mode. After a few minutes, I realized cars were pulling up to the truck to get a better look. Every inch of a car hauler is a rolling advertisement for the car and the sponsor. They’re works of art. The 69 was decorated in Spanky’s colors with a bigger-than-life-size picture of Spanky and his race car.

I called Hooker on his cell phone. “We have a problem,” I told him. “Everyone’s interested in the hauler. Some people are taking pictures. You should have brought the briefs to put over your head.”

“Hard to feel righ teous when you’ve got your underwear on your head,” Hooker said. “Anyway, I’m taking the next exit. I saw a sign for ser vices. I’ll find a dark place to hide, and you can go to a gas station and steal something helpful.”

Hooker crawled off the exit, turned right, and rolled down the road. After about a half mile, he came to a small strip mall that was lights off for the night. His turn signal went on, he slipped into the lot, and he disappeared behind the buildings. I made a U-turn and drove back to a gas station and convenience store.