Janet Evanovich - Full Tilt

"No." Her voice broke.

"Yes you are."

"You've upset her, Max," Jamie said.

"Jamie's right. I need my space, Max. I never have time to myself."

"Jeez, Muffin, I can't believe what I'm hearing."

"Believe it. You don't appreciate me. You never ask me how I'm doing or whether I've had a good day. You leave me baking in the hot sun all day, and you make one demand after another. I'm sick of it. Here you are, this big-shot multimillionaire living the good life, Mr. Big Shot Super Genius, and I'm stuck here all day, waiting for my next assignment. Everybody thinks you're brilliant. I never get any credit."

"She's right, Max," Jamie said. "You could act a little more appreciative."

Max sat there, obviously stymied. "I created her, Jamie. She has a memory bank so vast that she can be fed up-to-date information around the clock. I made her what she is today."

"And he never fails to remind me," Muffin said.

"What do you want, Muf?" he asked.

"You could turn the air conditioner on high for starters. I'm so hot it feels like all my wires are going to melt."

"Have you been talking to Deedee?"

"Yes. I'm the only one who would listen to the poor woman. I'm the only one who'll take the time to research her condition. She's in perimenopause and nobody seems to care. You don't know what that does to a woman's hormones."

Max shook his head sadly and turned to Jamie. "She's obviously processed everything Deedee said, just as she processes what my staff and I feed into her. She has also adopted some of Deedee's quirks, and now she thinks she's having hot flashes."

"I am having hot flashes," Muffin said.

"I'll have to reprogram her," Max whispered to Jamie, "but I don't have time right now."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here," Muffin snapped.

"Tell you what, Muf," he said. "I promise to be more considerate in the future."

Silence.

"And I'm sorry, okay? From now on I'll try to park you in the shade."

She sniffed. "Thank you, Max."

* * * * *

The arrived back at the house, and Max was glad to see more security personnel in place. While Jamie talked to Vera and Mike Henderson on the telephone, Max met with Frankie and security chief Tim Duncan.

"Wanted to let you know I've hired a few more security people in case you see some new faces," Duncan said.

Max smiled. "I'm surprised you were able to find additional men considering we've got a small army surrounding this property and several others at the newspaper. I assume you ran a check on everybody."

"They're clean."

The butler knocked and stepped inside, wearing his usual overcoat. "Excuse me, Mr. Fontana, but there is, uh, a person here to see Mr. Holt."

"Who is it?" Max asked.

"He wouldn't give me his name, and I didn't press. I hesitated inviting him in."

"I'll be right back," Max said. He understood the butler's reluctance as soon as he opened the front door. Swamp Dog stood on the other side, surrounded by half a dozen security personnel. Max arched both brows high on his forehead. "I'm surprised to see you here."

Swamp Dog regarded the security guards with a look of contempt. "Get lost," he said.

Max nodded at the men. "It's okay." He waited until they were gone before speaking. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm here to talk about your job offer."

Max led the man into the study and introduced him to Frankie and Duncan. Both men looked stunned. "Swamp Dog will be working with us," Max said.

"I work alone," Swamp Dog replied. "I come and go as I please, and I don't take orders from no one. Anyone gives me shit, I cut their gizzard out and feed it to 'em."

"Yes, well, that sounds fair," Frankie said, eyeing Max. "What will you need to get started?" he asked.

Swamp Dog pulled a.47 Magnum from the waistband of his jeans, and a hunting knife from one boot. The thin blade flashed in the morning light. "This ought to do it. Now, where can I grab some grub? I don't work on an empty stomach."

Frankie called for the butler who was waiting nearby. "Please take Mister, uh, take our guest into the kitchen and see that the cook feeds him."

Once they were alone, Duncan turned to Max. "Are you sure this guy is safe? Looks like he wouldn't have trouble putting a hole in his mother's head while she slept."

"You might keep an eye on him," was all Max said.

Frankie buried his head in his hands. "I'm going along with you on this one, Max, even though I have my doubts. But we can't let Deedee see him." He'd barely gotten the words out of his mouth before a shriek sounded from the kitchen.

"Eeeyeuw!" Deedee cried loud enough to shatter glass. "Who are you?"

Frankie shook his head sadly. "Too late."

* * * * *

An hour later, once they'd showered and downed a few cups of coffee, Max and Jamie climbed inside his car and headed for the newspaper office. The perplexed look on Jamie's face told him she'd seen Swamp Dog as well.

"I don't like it, Max. I don't trust the guy one bit."

"Relax," he said. "I know what I'm doing."

Muffin spoke. "Max, turn on the damn air conditioner."

He did as she asked. "Still having hot flashes?"

Muffin grunted. "I'm so hot I'm afraid I'm going to cause the engine to overheat."

"Sorry to hear it, Muffin," Jamie said. "Too bad you can't go on hormone replacement therapy." She looked at Max and shook her head. "I don't believe I said that."

He smiled. "Muffin, you're just the person I need to talk to."

"What now?"

"I want the names of this town's city officials. All of them, including the city manager and the auditor. When you get that, run a complete background check on them."

"I've already started."

"Thanks. You got anything on Hodges or that preacher yet?"

"I'm concentrating on Hodges right now since he seems to be our immediate concern, but you know what it's like to breach military firewalls. I'll get back to you when I have something."

When Jamie and Max arrived at the newspaper office they found the building under renovation, inside and out. The large window in front had been replaced and men on ladders were filling cracks in the concrete. Inside, it was much the same.

Vera looked up from her battered computer. She glared at Jamie. "If you weren't a grown woman I would take you over my knee and give you the beating of your life."

"Good morning, Vera."

"Don't 'good morning' me. I didn't get a wink of sleep last night after Lamar called me. Have you lost your mind, going off like that to find some lunatic killer in the middle of the swamp?" She looked at Max. "I would have expected something like this from Jamie, what with her being so flighty and irresponsible—"

"Flighty and irresponsible?" Jamie squeaked.

"But I would never have expected it from you," Vera told Max.

"I didn't want to do it," he said, "but Jamie threatened to go alone."

Jamie's jaw dropped open as she snapped her head his way. Her irritation flared when she noted one corner of his mouth twitch. "Why, you—"

"Don't even try it," Vera said. "After what you've put me through the last thing I'm going to tolerate is foul language." She snatched up several pink slips. "Would you like your telephone messages before you go traipsing off to Lord-knows-where?"

Jamie was still tossing dark looks in Max's direction as she took the slips from Vera. "I'll be in my office," she said.

"You can't go in your office, the painters are working in there."

"I'll work in the conference room. Alone."

"They're working in there, as well."

"Damn. Well, where the heck am I supposed to work?"

Vera held up the kitty. "Twenty-five cents, please."

"Allow me," Max said, reaching into his pocket for a coin.

"No way," Jamie said. "I'll pay out of my own damn pocket. Oh, double damn, I—" She slapped her hand over her mouth.