Janet Evanovich - Full Bloom

With those words, Annie picked up her shot glass of tequila and tossed it back like she'd seen people do on TV. It took her breath away. "Holy crap!" she managed, and then began to wheeze.

"Bite into the lemon," Erdle said.

Annie did as he said, but it didn't help. "I can't feel my tongue."

Norm shook his head, muttered a four-letter word, and walked away.

"Here, dear," Theenie said when Annie's eyes began to roll around in her head. "Drink some of my tea. It's not bad."

Annie took the glass and gulped thirstily. Beads of perspiration oozed from her pores. She drained the glass.

"Uh-oh," Erdle said.

"It's okay," Theenie told him. "I'll order another." She motioned for Jimbo. "Would you be so kind as to bring us two more iced teas?"

"Uh-oh," Erdle said.

Two hours and three Long Island iced teas later, Theenie's head was on the table and Annie was still telling Erdle how sorry Wes Bridges was. "Did I tell you he's a private investigator hired by my mean ol' mother-in-law to snoop on me?" she said, her words badly slurred.

Erdle nodded. "I believe you mentioned it once or twice or maybe ten times." His words were equally slurred, but then, he'd drunk nonstop since Annie and Theenie had arrived.

Jimbo delivered their check. Annie picked it up, and her mouth dropped open. "Holy marolly!" She looked at him. "I believe you gave us somebody else's check. We didn't have this many drinks."

"Long Island iced tea has four different kinds of booze in it, lady," he said.

Annie looked at Erdle. "Did you know that?"

"Uh-huh. But you and the old gal seemed to like it."

Annie swallowed. That explained why she could barely see. She leaned closer to Erdle. "I don't have this much cash."

"Don't look at me. I'm flat busted."

Annie smiled at Jimbo. "My credit card is at its limit. Do you take personal checks?"

"Nope." He pointed to a big sign in bold letters that read: Absolutely No Personal Checks. Despite the size of it, Annie had to squint to see it, only to realize she was seeing double.

"Aw, c'mon, Jimbo," Erdle said. "I can vouch for her."

The man made a sound of disgust. "Look, Thorney, I don't care if she's the pope's sister; you know the rules. If I had a dollar for every bounced check I've gotten over the years I could walk away from this dump a wealthy man."

"Well, what do you expect me to do?" Annie asked.

"Hey, I don't care if you have to go from table to table and give lap dances; it's your problem. Let me know when you figure it out."

"This is not good," Erdle said.

"You're right," Annie said. "Because I don't know the first thing about lap dancing." She recounted her money in case she'd made a mistake. She was way short. "Will Jimbo call the cops on us?" she whispered to Erdle. "I can't afford to get busted again."

"I've seen it happen," he said. "First Jimbo takes 'em out back and slaps 'em around; then he calls the cops."

"Uh-oh. I can't afford to get slapped around, either. I have to give a wedding day after tomorrow. I mean, how would it look?" She glanced at Theenie, who was snoring. "Maybe she can lend me some money. She tried to wake Theenie, but the woman didn't so much as budge. Annie shook her harder. "Wake up, Theenie, I need money," she shouted in her ear, causing the other customers to look their way.

"You're making a scene," Erdle hissed.

Annie sank into the booth. From the looks of the other customers, it was hard to believe that she could possibly say anything to offend or embarrass them.

"I have no other choice but to check Theenie's purse," Annie said. She pulled out the woman's wallet, looked inside, and frowned. "She has less cash on her than I do."

"Uh-oh," Erdle said.

"What are we going to do?" Annie asked. "We can't pay this tab."

He thought for a minute. "I'll call for backup." He slid from the booth and almost landed on the floor. He grabbed the edge of the table to steady himself. "I'll be back."

Danny Gilbert arrived fifteen minutes later. He scratched his head and perused the threesome. "What happened to Theenie?"

"She's taking a nap," Annie said.

"So you ladies decided to drop in for a couple of drinks, huh?" he said, glancing about the room, now filled with bikers and construction workers.

Jimbo suddenly appeared. "The guy across the room wants to buy the redhead a drink," he said.

Annie was flattered. "Oh yeah?"

"I think we're leaving," Danny said. "Do you have the check?"

"Sure do." Jimbo handed it to Danny, who arched both brows. "Wow," he said, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. "When you guys decide to tie one on, you don't mess around."

"It wasn't our fault," Annie said. "We didn't know the bartender was putting extra booze in our drinks." She looked at Jimbo as though she held him personally responsible for the condition they were in.

"They were drinking Long Island iced tea," Jimbo told Danny.

Danny looked annoyed. "Did you inform them in advance how much alcohol was in each drink?"

"I don't run a babysitting business," Jimbo said.

Danny counted out the money and handed it to him.

The man didn't look pleased. "What, no tip?"

"Yeah, I have a tip for you," Danny said. "Next time tell people what they're getting when they order a drink they've never heard of."

Jimbo pocketed the money. "Just get them out of here, okay?"

"What are we going to do about Theenie?" Annie asked. "She's passed out."

"Good question," Danny said.

Jimbo gave a disgusted sigh and motioned for Annie to get out of the booth. "Grab the old broad's purse," he said.

"Excuse me, but did you just refer to my friend as a broad? Why, you're nothing but a—"

"Annie, let's just get out of here," Danny said. "Now."

Annie reached for her and Theenie's purses and slid from the booth. Jimbo leaned over, pulled Theenie across the booth, and threw her over his shoulder. "Just tell me where you want her."

Annie fell asleep as soon as Danny helped her into the backseat of his car. "We'll pick up your car in the morning," he said, but she and Theenie were both out cold. "Guess you're not really worried about it right now," he said as he closed the door.

"What happened?" Danny asked Erdle when he joined him in the front seat. "I've never seen Annie in this condition."

Erdle told him how Eve Fortenberry had treated Annie at Charles's memorial service.

Danny looked incredulous. "Wes is actually working for Eve?"

"I don't know what's going on between them now. All I know is that Eve hired him to find out if Annie was responsible for her husband's disappearance and obviously got a great deal of pleasure announcing it to Annie at the memorial."

"Does Wes know that Annie's on to him?" Danny asked.

"Not yet. But he will the minute Annie sets foot in that house, buh-lieve you me." He paused and glanced over his shoulder at the two women. "Unless Annie is still unconscious."

Danny chuckled. "You know, I think I'd like to hang around and see that."

* * * * *

Annie and Theenie awoke as soon as Danny cut the engine. "Where am I?" Theenie asked. "What day is it? And how come my head hurts like the dickens?"

"It was the tea at Jimbo's Bar and Grill," Annie said. "It was spiked with tons of alcohol."

"Oh my. And it went down so easy."

The two women climbed from the car and stumbled up the front walk. The front door was thrown open by a worried-looking Wes. "You two look terrible," he said. "Where have you been?"

"They got all liquored up," Erdle slurred.

Annie walked past Wes without a word and headed for the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. He followed. "Are you okay?"

She glared at him. "Are you asking out of personal concern or is this just part of your job?"