Janet Evanovich - Full Bloom

"Don't be silly. You two do enough around here as it is. Besides, it's my job. That's why you pay rent."

"You have far too many duties for one person, and Lovelle and I know darn good and well you don't charge us near enough to live here."

The doorbell rang. "Who on earth could that be?" Annie said, checking the wall clock.

"It's probably Danny," Theenie said, wiping her hands on a dish towel. "He said he'd stop by on his way to another job to see how the floor looked. I don't know why he'd use the front door, though." When Annie made a move to get up, Theenie motioned for her to sit. "I'll get it," she said.

Annie kept her seat and sipped her coffee and wondered what she'd done with the tablet she made her daily to-do list on. She had started to get up when an anxious-looking Theenie walked into the kitchen with Lamar. Two officers followed. One was middle-aged and balding, the other one much younger. He wore a buzz cut and looked as though he was fresh out of police academy.

"Good morning, Lamar," Annie said, noting that Theenie was already gnawing her bottom lip. "I assume you're here to tell me you found what you were looking for." She was deliberately being vague since she hadn't told Theenie.

He blushed. "We're still working on it." He glanced at the toe of his shoe. "I'm here on official police business, Annie."

"Meaning?"

He raised his head. "I just came from the magistrate's house. I have a search warrant here," he said, handing her a sheet of paper. "Me and the boys need to check the premises."

Annie stared at the warrant in disbelief. "You're going to search my house? Why?"

"We're looking for anything that might help us in the investigation of your husband's murder."

"And you think you're going to find it here?"

"Excuse me," Theenie said, squaring her shoulders, "but this is beginning to sound like harassment to me, waltzing in here at seven-thirty in the morning."

"Just doing my job, Miss Theenie," he said.

"Eve Fortenberry is behind this, isn't she?" Annie said. "You're trying to pacify her because she flipped out when she learned you'd lost Charles's remains."

"What do you mean he lost Charles's remains?" Theenie asked in a bewildered tone. She looked at Lamar. "Did you forget where you put them?"

"I'd rather not go into it right now," Lamar said.

"You're wasting your time," Annie told him, "but feel free to search all you like."

"But don't you dare mess up Annie's house," Theenie said, looking from Lamar to the officers. "She works very hard to keep things nice and orderly around here."

"I'll need you to round up all your guests," Lamar said.

Annie frowned. "You mean wake them?"

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Annie. Please ask them to come down."

She gave him a hard look. "You're really desperate for leads, aren't you?"

Once again he looked away. "I'm as eager as you are to get this over with."

"I'll wake the others," Theenie said in a huff as she hurried toward the stairs.

Lamar and his men were quiet as they waited. Annie ignored them and poured another cup of coffee. She found her tablet and sat down at the table, where she began making her list, but her hands shook so badly she could barely hold her pen, much less write.

Destiny was the first to enter the kitchen, shrugging on her bathrobe. Lovelle and Theenie were right behind her. "What the hell is the meaning of this?" Destiny demanded in a hostile voice. "Why would you even think of barging into Annie's place with a search warrant?"

"That's what I'd like to know," Lovelle said, also wearing a bathrobe. "What could you possibly hope to find?"

"I'll tell you what he's looking for," Destiny said. "He's trying to find anything he can so he can pin a murder rap on Annie because he has no other leads. Fat chance, Lamar."

"I would appreciate it if you ladies cooperate and remain in the kitchen while my men conduct the search," Lamar said, not bothering to address their questions.

"We'd like to start with your bedroom if you would just show us where it is real quick, Mrs. Fortenberry," the older officer said.

Annie shook her head but stood and led them to the stairs. After reaching the second floor, the officers paused at the open door to the bathroom and glanced inside. "My room is at the end of the hall," she said as they followed her.

"What's behind these doors?" the younger officer asked, nodding toward two closed doors that were on opposite sides of the hall.

"They're bedrooms," Annie answered, not bothering to stop. "Both are presently rented. This is where I sleep," she said once they'd reached her room. "Don't let the frills and ruffles fool you; it's also where I hide my murder weapons." The younger officer looked amused.

"This is the room you shared with your late husband?" the other one asked.

"No. I moved out of the master bedroom once he, um, disappeared."

"We'd like to have a look inside that room as well."

"I just told you it's rented. The tenant isn't here at the moment."

"We'll be careful not to disturb anything," he said. "You may return to the kitchen," he added politely.

Annie knew it was useless to argue, so she did as she was told. She found Lamar sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in front of him. Destiny sat at the other end, glaring. Lovelle sipped her coffee quietly.

Theenie looked at Lamar. "When I lose things, which is often, I usually have to write down each place I went that day."

"I beg your pardon?" Lamar said.

"I was referring to Charles Fortenberry's remains."

Suddenly a door slammed upstairs. Peaches raced down the stairs, her fur standing up on her back. She jumped onto one of the empty chairs and curled into a tight ball.

"Who else is in the house?" Lamar asked.

"Nobody," Annie muttered.

"I clearly heard—"

"It's the spirit," Destiny snapped. "If you don't believe it, go look. You won't find anyone up there. Anyone who is alive," she added.

Lamar just looked at her as if unsure what to say or do. He took a sip of his coffee, eyeing Destiny over the rim of his cup.

An hour passed. Annie thrummed her fingers on the table. "How much longer is this going to take?" she said, clearly annoyed. "I have a lot to do."

"And I need to use the restroom," Theenie said, getting up from the table. "I've held it as long as I can." She didn't wait for Lamar's okay before she left the room.

"This really sucks," Destiny told him. "I can't wait until you ask me for help on a case, because I'm going to have a few choice words waiting for you. And don't even think of asking me out again, because I'll slug you. And by the way, I hope that new fishing boat of yours sinks. I hope you accidentally shoot yourself in the foot with your gun. I hope—"

"I think I get your point," a red-faced Lamar answered. He looked at Annie. "May I have another cup of coffee?"

"Let him get it himself," Lovelle said.

More time passed, and Annie could feel her anger rising with each passing minute. "You're wasting our time," she said, "when you could be out looking for the real killer."

The older officer suddenly appeared in the doorway. "Chief, could you come back here?"

Lamar nodded and got up from his chair. "I'd appreciate it if you ladies kept your seats," he said.

Peaches jumped down from the chair and walked to her empty bowl. She butted it with her nose until it was right at Annie's feet. Annie ignored her, and the cat walked away.

"Oh no!" Theenie said after a moment. "Peaches is digging in your favorite plant. I don't know why she insists on doing it when she knows she isn't supposed to."

Annie stared at the cat. "She does it because she knows I don't like it." Annie was tempted to ignore Lamar's order to keep her seat so she could toss the cat outside. Instead, Annie just sat there as dirt flew to the floor. Peaches paused and looked at her, topaz eyes unblinking. Annie wondered why the cat chose to pick on her. She had taken exceptionally good care of the animal. There were times the cat seemed to almost like her, those times when Annie awakened in the morning to find Peaches curled in the bed beside her. But mostly Peaches was a big pain in the butt.