William Johnston: Sorry, Chief…

“That’s quite observant of you, Max.”

“Then there is nothing I can say that will make you consider the deal I have to offer?”

“I’m not in the least interested.”

Max pulled his pistol. “Then does this interest you?” he said.

Dr. X studied the little round hole in the end of the barrel for a second, then replied, “That interests me.”

“I knew if I kept trying I’d find your weak spot,” Max said. “Now then, here is my deal. You will turn over the formula for the invisibility serum to me. And, I, in turn-”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible,” Dr. X said.

Max raised the pistol. “Still impossible?”

“Yes, unfortunately. The formula no longer exists.”

“I find that hard to believe, Doctor. Didn’t you write it down?”

“Yes. But I wrote it down on the back of a grocery list. And then-well, I’ve already explained how absent-minded I am. I saw that old grocery list lying around, and I tore it up.”

“But can’t you remember the formula?”

“I can’t even remember not to sign my own name.”

Max nodded. “I believe you.”

“Then, Max, our mission is accomplished!” 99 said. “If there’s no written formula, and if Dr. X can’t remember it, then he has nothing to sell to KAOS!”

“I don’t think it’s quite that simple, 99,” Max replied. “Dr. X isn’t sailing to Europe just for the fun of getting there.”

“No, getting there is only half the fun,” Dr. X admitted.

“And the other half is the money,” Max said. “Dr. X still has something to sell. Am I right, Doctor?”

“All I’ll give you is my name, rank and serial number,” Dr. X replied gruffly.

Max raised the pistol again.

“My name, rank and serial number and anything else you want to know,” Dr. X said.

“All right, Doctor-besides those six invisible guinea pigs, what else are you taking to KAOS?”

Dr. X went to the chest, opened a drawer, and took out a hypodermic. “This,” he said.

“That hypodermic needle?”

“It isn’t just any old hypodermic needle,” Dr. X replied. “It contains a dosage of my invisibility serum.”

“I see,” Max said. “It’s all becoming quite clear, Doctor. Your intention is to deliver that serum to the KAOS laboratory. There, the KAOS scientists will break the serum down into its component parts. And, with that information, they will be able to reconstruct the formula.”

“You guessed it,” Dr. X smiled.

“But, as I said twice before, your little game is up, Doctor. That serum will never reach the KAOS labs. I intend to destroy it.”

“Stand back!” Dr. X warned.

“I haven’t moved,” Max said.

“But you were thinking about it!” Dr. X charged. “And, if you take one step in this direction, I will inject myself with the serum and become instantly invisible!”

Max smiled. “I don’t think you’ll do that, Doctor.”

“Cross my heart!” Dr. X warned.

“No, I repeat, I don’t think you’ll do that. You see-absent-mindedly, I suppose-you forgot to fill the hypodermic with serum. It’s empty.”

“I did not forget!” Dr. X said peevishly. “I specifically remember doing it. Right after breakfast. I got up about seven. Then I showered and dressed. Then I went down to the dining room and had the Morning Special. I sat with one of the other scientists-a Dr. Zee. He had a very interesting story to tell. It seems he keeps finding some oaf in his stateroom, and he can’t figure out what he’s doing there. He keeps asking the fellow-‘Vot you doink in mine staderoom?’ he keeps saying. But the fellow won’t answer. Then, after breakfast, I went for my morning stroll on deck. Met an interesting chap. Had an interesting story to tell. Seems he’s setting up a syndicate to trade candy bars for Picassos. I tried to invest in the scheme-but he wouldn’t let me in on it. That’s the way it is when a fellow gets a good thing going. Still, it was an interesting story, and it made my morning. I was feeling in fine fettle when I returned to my stateroom. So, the first thing I did, I filled the hypodermic with invisibility serum. I remember it as well as if it were only this morning. So don’t try to tell me that the hypodermic is empty.”

“Take a look for yourself, Doctor.”

Dr. X looked.

“Empty!” he shrieked.

“I hate to be an I-told-you-so, but-”

“It evaporated!” Dr. X moaned.

“Pardon?”

“I know I put it in there!” Dr. X insisted. “I’m sure! I’m positive! I specifically remember doing it. Right after breakfast. I got up about seven. Then I showered and dressed. Then I went down to the dining room-”

“Yes, yes, we know about your morning,” Max said. “But what about the serum?”

“Evaporated! Gone!” Dr. X sobbed. “Apparently when it’s exposed to the air it just disappears. I’m ruined! My money! Gone! My General Motors stock, my Thunderbird, my Wrigley’s spearmint! Gone!”

“Well… there are days that are like that,” Max said sympathetically.

“Ruined” Dr. X wailed. Angrily, he flung the hypodermic out the porthole.

“Ah, ah… temper, temper,” Max cautioned.

Dr. X sat down on his bunk and wept. “I’m nobody! Just plain old Dr. X again!”

“Fame is fickle,” Max said consolingly.

“Max…” 99 said.

“Yes, 99?”

“Max… what’s all that commotion outside? Hear that?”

Max listened. “Voices… running… could it be the posse again?”

“I don’t think so, Max. It sounds different.”

“I’ll check on it,” Max said.

He went to the porthole and put his head out the opening.

“What is it, Max?”

Max pulled his head back in. “Passengers,” he replied. “They’re a bit excited.”

“Why, Max? What happened?”

Max turned to Dr. X. “As it turns out,” he said, “your serum didn’t evaporate, Doctor.”

Dr. X stared at him, red-eyed from weeping. “But I saw it myself. It wasn’t there.”

“What you mean is, you didn’t see it.”

“That’s what I said-it wasn’t there.”

“Oh, it was there, all right, Doctor. But, you were right about one thing. Exposure to the air did have an effect on it. It made it invisible.”

“My serum? It turned on itself?”

“Exactly. When you threw that hypodermic out the porthole, it was still full of serum. Unfortunately, you have a good arm. The hypodermic cleared the deck and landed in the ocean.”

“And now-?”

“Yes. That was what all the yelling was about. The ocean-as far as the naked eye can discern-has disappeared.”

“Then what is the ship floating on, Max?” 99 said.

“Oh, the ocean is still there,” Max said. “It’s just invisible.”

99 frowned. “That’s a little hard to imagine, Max.”

“Think of it as six guinea pigs,” he suggested.

99 frowned harder. “Yes, that helps,” she said. “Now, I can imagine it.”

“Ruined!” Dr. X moaned.

“You moaned that before,” Max said.

“I’m ruined again. This is the second time.”

“Yes, twice in one day is something to moan about,” Max admitted. “But, it shouldn’t be a surprise. After all, ruin, dishonor and cloudy skies are the usual result of trying to play ball with the Forces of Evil. Or, as a great philosopher once put it: Bad Guys Never Win!”

“I’ve learned my lesson,” Dr. X sobbed. “I’ll never experiment with invisibility again. I’ll stick to what I know-formulas for cake mixes.”

“You mean-?”

“Yes,” Dr. X replied, “that’s my regular work. I developed the invisibility formula by accident. I was working on a mix for an upside-down cake. Only, I got it wrong side up. I didn’t want to waste the batter I had left, though. So I added a few drops of coloring and just a pinch of salt-hoping that would turn it right side up-upside-down, that is.”