William Johnston: Sorry, Chief…

“Just a moment-I’ll give you your check,” Max said. He picked up the order. “Let’s see, that’s four longhorns under cover and four moo-moos, dark brown…”

“Scratch the dark brown,” Wai said. “Remember-no malt.”

“Oh, yes. Four moo-moos plain. That comes to exactly four dollars and some change, give or take a nickel or two.” He handed the check to Wai. “If you’ll just sign this…”

Wai accepted the check and the pencil and signed it. Then, rising, he smiled and said, “It’s been delightful.”

“Well, it would have been if the kitchen hadn’t run out of dark brown,” Max said.

Wai bowed. “Ta-ta.”

“Ta-ta to you, too-too,” Max said.

Wai smiled once more, then departed.

“Isn’t he charming, Max,” 99 said. “A real gentleman.”

“Yes, my kind of folks,” Max said. He frowned. “Let’s see… what was his name again?” He picked up the check to look at the signature. “Oh, yes… X.”

“No, Max-Wai.”

“No, 99-X.”

“Wai.”

“X.”

“Rorff!”

“No, Fang, Zee was the fellow with the beard.”

“Max,” 99 said, “his name is Wai-pronounced ‘Y’ ”

“Then why did he sign this check with an X?” Max suddenly straightened, stunned. “99! That charming gentleman we’ve been dining with! That is the diabolical Dr. X!”

“Max, if couldn’t be. No beard. No foreign accent.”

“I told you before, 99, he shaved off his beard to disguise himself. And, as for a foreign accent, what do you think that ‘ta-ta’ was?”

“Max-I think you’re right!”

“The diabolical Dr. X! Right in our clutches! And we let him get away!”

“Max-let’s go after him.”

Max looked at his watch. He sighed. “I can’t, 99. I’m still on duty for another half-hour.”

“Rorff!”

“Fang, you’re right,” Max decided. “The fate of the whole civilized world is more important than waiting on tables.” He jumped up. “Let’s go!”

Max, 99 and Fang rushed out on deck-then stopped.

“Oh, Max,” 99 moaned, “we don’t know which way he went.”

“Fang,” Max said, “this is your big chance. Let’s see what that nose can do!”

“Rorff!”

“He has the scent!” Max cried gleefully.

Fang went bounding down the deck, then abruptly skidded to a halt.

“That door!” Max exclaimed as he and 99 hurried up behind Fang. “He’s sniffing that door! X must have gone in there!”

“Careful, Max,” 99 said. “He may be dangerous.”

“They’re all dangerous until they meet Max Smart!” Max said. “Then, suddenly, they’re nothing but a shuddering bowlful of jello!” He put a hand on the door knob and pulled out his pistol. “Ready?”

“Ready, Max.”

“Rorff!”

“Then… this is it!”

Max yanked open the door-and stared into the ship’s kitchen.

A cook’s head appeared. “Yeah?”

“Ah… we were looking for a bowlful of jello,” Max said.

“All out,” the cook replied. “That and dark brown for the chocolate malts.” He slammed the door.

Max turned to Fang. “My congratulations to your nose,” he said sarcastically. “That was the prettiest case of kitchen-finding I ever saw.”

“Rorff!”

“That’s no excuse,” Max snapped. “That guy took my longhorn under cover and moo-moo, too-too. But you don’t see me sniffing around kitchen doors when the fate of the whole civilized world hangs in the balance, do you?”

“Rorff!”

“Your apology is accepted. Although, little good it does. Now, we’ve lost the diabolical Dr. X.”

“We’ll find him again, Max,” 99 said. “He’s somewhere on the ship.”

“Yes, 99, but we’ll be spending most of our time in the brig. Have you forgotten that?”

“I did-for a second-Max.”

“Well,” Max sighed, “all we can do now is just amble around, hoping we come across him by accident. Let’s go.”

They started out.

But they had gone only a few steps when 99 suddenly stopped, put a hand on Max’s arm and said, “Look!”

Max looked. “You’re right, 99-it’s him!”

Herbert Wai was walking toward them along the deck. He was carrying a small brown paper bag.

“Quick! Back into the shadows!” Max said.

The three withdrew into the shadow of a lifeboat.

“Why are we hiding, Max?” 99 whispered.

“That brown bag,” Max said. “He may have a weapon in there.”

“But, Max, why don’t you just step out and confront him and turn him into a quivering bowlful of jello?”

“Equipped with a weapon, a bowlful of jello can turn nasty,” Max replied. “I prefer to play it Smart.”

Herbert Wai passed by, then entered the ship’s kitchen.

“Why did he go in there, Max?” 99 asked.

Max smiled. “Suddenly, 99, it’s all clear to me. The answer to your question is obvious.”

“Then why, Max?”

“Think, 99. What do we have? We have the diabolical Dr. X. We have six invisible guinea pigs. And we have a brown paper bag. What does that add up to?”

“Eight.”

“Eight, 99?”

“Dr. X is one. And guinea pigs is six. And paper bag is one. One and six and one is eight.”

“Correct. And that’s exactly where Dr. X is-right behind the eight ball. You see-”

“Max! There he is!”

The kitchen door had opened, and Herbert Wai had emerged. He strolled up the deck, away from where Max, 99 and Fang were hiding.

“You’ll notice,” Max said smugly, “that now the brown paper bag is no longer empty.”

“Was it empty before, Max?”

“It had to be. Because now it’s filled. All right-after him. But quietly and slowly. Don’t let him see us.”

At a safe distance, the trio followed Herbert Wai along the deck, then up a stairway, then down a corridor. Finally, he entered a small lounge and went to a row of lockers.

The trio halted, watching from outside the lounge.

“What is he doing, Max?”

“He’s opening a locker.”

“What now, Max?”

“He’s emptying the contents of the brown paper bag into the locker.”

“He must be putting whatever it is in there for safekeeping,” 99 guessed.

“On the contrary, 99. He fully expects that what he’s putting in there will be gone, and very soon.”

“I don’t understand, Max.”

“Simple, 99. That is food he’s putting into the locker. Food for-”

“Six invisible guinea pigs!” 99 exclaimed.

“Exactly!”

“What’s he doing now, Max?”

“He’s closing the locker. Now, he’s locking the locker. And now he’s-”

“What, Max? What is he doing?”

“He’s blowing air into the brown paper bag,” Max reported.

“He’s what?”

“And now,” Max said, “he’s going to pop it.”

There was a loud pop.

99 giggled. “That’s silly, Max.”

“I don’t see anything silly about it,” Max said. “I like to pop brown paper bags, too.”

“What now, Max?”

“He’s walking over to that refuse container. Now, he’s disposing of the brown paper bag.”

“We can get it as soon as he leaves,” 99 said.

“What for? It’s no good to us. It’s already been popped.”

“For evidence, I mean, Max.”

“Oh… yes… that…”

“What now, Max?”

“He’s still trying to get the brown paper bag into the refuse container. It’s full. Oh-oh-now he’s throwing the brown paper bag on the deck. That’s an evildoer for you every time. A bunch of Jitterbugs. Wait a minute-there he goes. He’s leaving the lounge.”

“Do we follow him, Max?”

“Not quite yet,” Max said, stepping into the lounge. “First, we have to get a look inside that locker. I am one-thousand per cent certain that we’ll find six invisible guinea pigs in there-but-”