William Johnston: Sorry, Chief…

“Hey, you seen two culprits and a dog?” they heard a voice ask.

“No spikka da Angleesh,” the Chief replied.

“There is no truer friend-um than the noble savage,” Max whispered to 99.

“They must be in here,” the leader of the posse said. “This is the only place they could have gone.”

“No spikka da you-know-what,” the Chief insisted.

“True to the very end,” Max whispered.

“If you’re hiding them, you can kiss your job goodbye,” the leader of the posse said.

“Me? Hide-um? Me be crazy to hide-um one paleface brother, one paleface sister and one paleface pooch over there behind big machine.”

“I think that was the very end,” Max said.

“What now, Max?” 99 whispered.

“Rorff!”

“Right! About face! Run for it!”

Max, 99 and Fang leaped up from behind the machine, plunged through the surprised posse, and charged out the door. They raced down the short corridor, then headed pell-mell up the stairs.

Behind them, they heard, “Halt! Stop!”

“They’re playing our song,” Max commented.

Several minutes later, the trio emerged on deck. The cries of ‘Halt!’ and ‘Stop!’ were right behind them.

They ducked through a doorway, entering a long corridor.

“Max! Look! Ahead! Another dead-end!” 99 cried.

“We have only one choice, 99. They must never take us alive!”

“You mean?”

“Yes.”

“No, Max-I’m too young to die!”

“Die? Who said anything about dying?”

“You said they must never take us alive.”

“Yes. But what I meant was, we’ll have to duck into one of these staterooms.”

“Oh.” She looked down the long corridor of doors. “Which one, Max?”

“A vacant one.”

“But, Max, how do you know which one is vacant?”

“I have a little system for determining that, 99. It goes: Eeny, meeny, miney, Moe-”

Using the system, Max picked a stateroom. He grasped the door knob and slowly turned it. “It’s open!” he crowed. “The system never fails!”

Max, 99 and Fang hurried into the stateroom, then Max quickly closed the door. Pressing against it, they listened. They heard the sounds of the posse. There were shouts and calls and much shuffling up and down the corridor. Then the sounds disappeared.

“Safe!” Max breathed. “Saved by a vacant stateroom.”

“Not entirely vacant,” a voice behind them said. “As a matter of fact, it’s rather crowded right now.”

Startled, they turned-and found themselves faces to face with Herbert Wai.

“Dr. X, I presume,” Max said.

“Sorry… you must have the wrong stateroom,” Wai replied. “I’m Wai-pronounced ‘Y.’ ”

Max’s eyes narrowed. “I’m afraid your little game is up, Doctor,” he said. “You made one fatal mistake.”

Wai looked at him perplexedly. “Oh? What was that?”

“You-” Max frowned. He turned to 99. “What was that fatal mistake he made? It’s slipped my mind.”

“The check, Max.”

“Oh… yes.” He faced back to Wai. “As you will undoubtedly recall, less than a half-hour ago, you were sitting in the dining room with us having dinner. When-”

“I don’t recall that,” Wai said. “As far as I know, I’ve never seen any of you before in my whole life.”

Max scowled. “Don’t remember, eh? Well, let me see if I can refresh your memory. I was the rather handsome gentleman sitting at your left. My associate here, 99, was at your right. And this Mexican Hairless was under the table.”

“I’m sure I would remember that-if it ever happened,” Wai said. “No, I believe you have the wrong man.”

Max turned to 99 again. “Do you remember it, 99?”

“Very clearly, Max.”

“Fang?” Max asked.

“Rorff!”

“Yes, that’s right, you wouldn’t have been able to see his face, would you? Not from under the table. Well, how about his shoes? Do you remember his shoes?”

“Rorff!”

Max addressed Wai again. “Would you lift your trousers just a bit?” he said. “Fang would like to get a look at your sox.”

Wai complied.

“Rorff!”

“There, that settles it!” Max said. “Fang never forgets a sock.”

Wai sighed. “Well, for the sake of argument, I suppose we can say you’re right,” he said. “Actually, I may have been there. I have a very poor memory. There are those who say I’m a bit absent-minded. Though, off hand, I can’t recall who they are.”

Max, somewhat confused, put a hand to his forehead. “Can anybody recall what I was saying when I got sidetracked?” he asked.

“The check, Max,” 99 said.

“Yes… the check. That check, when you signed it, X, was your fatal mistake.”

“Sorry about that,” Wai said. “Forget to add in the tip again, did I? It happens all the time.” He reached into his pocket. “Let me make it up to you.”

“It’s a lit-tle bit too late for that,” Max said.

“Well then, next time. I’ll see that you get a double tip next time.”

“There won’t be a next time,” Max said. “As I said before, your little game is up. When you signed that check, you signed it with an ‘X’.”

“Oh, drat!” Wai said. “Did I do that again!”

“A-ha! You admit, then, that you are the diabolical Dr. X!”

“I admit to the Dr. X,” Dr. X replied. “But ‘diabolical’-I think that’s putting it on a bit thick. Fact is, I’m just a simple, harmless scientist. And, you can’t even prove that.”

“Oh, can’t we? What about those six guinea pigs, Doctor?”

“Six guinea pigs?”

“Six guinea pigs in a public locker.”

“Public locker?”

“Six guinea pigs in a public locker in the small lounge on A Deck.”

“Oh… those guinea pigs.” He looked at Max warily. “Did you see them?”

“Of course not.”

Dr. X sighed defeatedly. “Well then, I guess there’s no point in denying it. All right, I admit it. I am the diabolical Dr. X. And I do have six invisible guinea pigs stashed in a public locker in the small lounge on A Deck. But-the question is-what do you intend to do about it?”

“That’s not very kind of you,” Max said, hurt. “I was doing rather well until you brought up that question.”

“It wouldn’t do you any good at all to snitch on me,” Dr. X pointed out. “Who would believe you?”

“You forget, Doctor-I know where the evidence is stashed.”

“Six invisible guinea pigs? Who would take your word for that? The Captain?”

“Doctor, I’m going to be big about this,” Max said. “I’m willing to make a deal.”

“Not interested,” Dr. X said.

“Then let me appeal to your better nature, Doctor. You know, inside every bad guy there is a good guy trying to get out. Open your heart, Doctor, and let that good guy free.”

“Nonsense. KAOS will pay me a fortune for my serum.”

“Money, Doctor, cannot buy a good name.”

“Nonsense again. Money can buy a lot of good names-General Motors stock, Ford Thunderbird, a Tiffany diamond, Wrigley’s spearmint, Nabisco shredded wheat… oodles of good names.”

“Yes, Doctor, but how will you feel when you’re driving your Ford Thunderbird, clipping coupons from your General Motors stock, admiring your Tiffany diamond, chewing your Wrigley’s spearmint, and pouring cream on your Nabisco shredded wheat, and you hear someone in the crowd say, ‘There goes the diabolical Dr. X-rich in material goods, but poor in spirit’?”

“I’ll feel fine,” Dr. X replied. “I’ll buy the fellow and have him shot.”

“Doctor, I’m beginning to suspect that you do not have a little good guy inside you who is trying to get out.”