William Johnston: Missed It By That Much!

Hassan put a foot in 99’s cupped hands. “On the count of three!” he said.

“Three!” 99 yelled. She shoved.

But Hassan wasn’t ready. He did a loop-de-loop and tumbled back into the pit, landing on Max. There was a psssssssht! sound. Plastic spray shot into the air, and instantly hardened, forming a cover over the pit. A second later there was another sound-the sound of pounding hoofs overhead.

“It’s the stampeding animals!” 99 cried. “Max, we’re saved. That plastic cover kept the animals from falling into the pit on top of us!”

“Missed us by that much,” said Max holding his finger slightly apart from his thumb.

“Yes, I did it again,” Hassan smiled. “You can always depend on your experienced, dependable, trustworthy guide.”

“I think I can take a little credit for this one,” Max said. “After all, if I hadn’t been carrying that tube of plastic spray in my back pocket, this wouldn’t have happened when you landed on me.”

“It never fails,” Hassan said disgustedly. “Pass a miracle, and some total stranger always comes along and tries to claim the credit. It happened to Abkar Ben Gay, my own countryman, when he invented the electric light.”

“Abkar Ben Gay?” Max said. “Hassan, it was Thomas Edison who invented the electric light.”

“See? Some total stranger always comes along and claims the credit.”

“Now, look here, Hassan-”

“Max,” 99 interrupted, “it doesn’t matter. What’s important is, the stampede has passed us by. Now we can follow the scent of that terrible odor and find Dr. Livingstrom.”

“You’re right, 99. Give me a boost up, so I can lift the lid from this pit.”

Once more, 99 cupped her hands.

Max put his foot into her hands-but at that moment there was a ringing sound.

“99-will you get the phone, please,” Max said. “You’re holding it.”

“Max, in a minute.” She boosted him up. “Can you lift the cover?”

“Yes, 99-but the phone.”

The shoe rang again.

“Max, the phone will wait. Lift the cover.”

Max removed the cover from the pit, then crawled out. Leaning over the edge of the pit, he said, “99-will you please answer the phone.”

“Max, I don’t have it any more. It’s on your foot.”

“Oh. . yes.”

Max took off his shoe. But when he put it to his ear all he heard was a dial tone.

“Who’s calling, Max?”

“I don’t know. Whoever it was hung up again.”

“Never mind, Max. Help us out.”

“99, do you suppose it was the same person who called me before and hung up? Or do you think this time it was someone else?”

“I don’t know, Max. But if it was important, whoever it was will call back.”

“That’s what you said the last time, 99.”

“Well. . this time it was probably the person who called the last time calling back.”

“Then you think the call was important?”

“Max, I don’t know! Will you help us out, please!”

“I hate to miss an important call, 99.”

“Max!”

“Oh. Sorry about that, 99.”

Max reached a hand into the pit. He helped 99 to safety, then he and 99 pulled Hassan from the hole.

“Max, the scent is still in the air,” 99 said. “If we hurry, we can track it to Dr. Livingstrom.”

Max plunged into the jungle.

99 and Hassan ran after him.

“Max, is it necessary to go this fast?” 99 said.

“It’s essential, 99. My peace of mind depends on it. I have to find out if it’s Dr. Livingstrom who’s been calling me and hanging up before I could answer.”

“Max. .” 99 panted, racing to keep up, “. . Dr. Livingstrom doesn’t even know you exist. .”

“I know that, 99. But maybe he’s been calling someone else and getting a wrong number.”

By the time they had reached the site of the revolutionaries’ camp, now deserted, Max had slowed down. They proceeded at a normal pace, following the scent, and soon came to the river. They crossed it at the shallowest point, the falls. There, they found a plaque that had been mounted on a tree. The plaque read:

On this site, a half-dozen members of the Peace Corps gave their time and energy-and no little amount of heart-to constructing a bridge that would span this mighty river. But it was busted down by a bunch of secret agents and some other guy in a burnoose who kept crossing it. You can’t expect a bridge to last if a lot of guys are going to be all the time walking around on it. So to heck with it. We’re going back to the Massachusetts College of Dentistry, where, when you build a bridge, you don’t get a lot of guys walking around on it.

Six Disgusted and Disillusioned

Guys Who Won’t Get Caught

Helping No Other Under-developed

Country that lets guys walk

around on Bridges, you can

bet your life, boy!

“Too bad,” Max said. “It was such a worthy cause.”

“But, Max, the project was so pointless,” 99 said. “There was no need for a bridge here.”

“Well, then, in a sense, I guess you could say that they succeeded,” Max said. “If there’s no need for a bridge, and they didn’t build one, then they accomplished something, at least. It’s just too bad that they went home thinking they were failures.”

“Max, they’re young. They’ll get over it.”

“I suppose so.”

Max, 99 and Hassan continued on their way. After a while they came to Paradise. It, too, was deserted-except for the host. The host was rising from the dust.

Max helped him to his feet.

“Where is everybody?” the host said groggily.

“They ran,” Max explained.

“Lucky them, they got out in time,” the host muttered. “My lightning bolt must have backfired.” He stumbled off into the clouds of dust.

“Max, shouldn’t we tell him that it was a stampede, not a lightning bolt, that did that to him?” 99 said.

“And destroy a beautiful myth, 99?”

“You’re right, as usual, Max.”

The three moved on, entering the jungle again. They found a trail and followed it.

“The odor is getting stronger, Max,” 99 said. “I’m sure we’re on the right track.”

“It might be the library,” Max said.

“The library? Max, what library smells like that?”

“No, 99, I’m not talking about the odor. I’m thinking about that call. It might have been the library calling me. I think I have a book that’s overdue.”

“Max, forget about that call. Keep your mind on your work.”

“Work. . 99, do you suppose the employment office was calling me? Maybe they heard that Arnold is trying to get my job.”

“Max, please forget- Max! Look! Up ahead! Another native village!”

Max peered up the trail. “I doubt it, 99,” he said. “What we have here, I suspect, is another illusion. You’ll notice that the native village is deserted. And no native village is really a native village without natives.”

“Max, I think I can explain that,” 99 said. “See that one hut, the one where something like steam is coming up out of the opening in the roof? I think that steam is what is causing the terrible odor.”

“99, that doesn’t explain where the natives are.”

“The terrible odor has driven them away, Max.”

“Then why isn’t it driving us away?”

“Because, see, the breeze is blowing the steam in the other direction. We’re getting only a faint whiff of the terrible odor.”

Max looked thoughtful for a moment. Then he said, “99, I think I can explain this. Do you see that steam rising from that hut? It’s my guess that that steam is the cause of the terrible odor. And, furthermore, I think the odor has driven the natives from the village.”