William Johnston: And Loving It!

“Instinct, 99. How do the birds find the north after they’ve been down south all winter? Instinct, that’s how.” He pointed. “And my instinct tells me that the mainland is thataway.”

Max and 99 began paddling, steering in the direction that Max’s instinct told him would take them to the mainland. They paddled throughout the rest of the night, and then at the break of dawn they spied a shape on the horizon.

“The mainland!” Max said exultantly. “Score another victory for instinct!”

“Max. . it looks awfully small to be the west coast of the United States.”

“That’s because we’re still a long distance away, 99.”

“Then how come our boat is bumping on the beach?”

Max looked over the side and saw sand. The boat had beached on an island. “Well, at least I’ve learned something today, 99,” he said. “It isn’t instinct that guides those birds back from the South. I think they must follow the railroad tracks.”

They got out of the boat and pulled it up on dry land.

“Do you have any idea where we are, Max?” 99 said.

“On an island-that’s about as far out on a limb as I’m willing to go at this point. Let’s look around.”

“But, Max, it looks just like that other island we were on-it’s nothing but jungle. We’re really doomed this time, Max. No one will know where to look for us.”

“There’s a stream over there,” Max said. “Let’s follow it. We may be doomed, as you say, 99, but as long as we keep to the stream, at least we’ll have fresh water.”

They plunged into the jungle, staying close to the stream. Their clothing snagged on brambles. They had to fight their way past thick, low-hanging vines. But then soon, almost miraculously, they emerged into a small clearing.

“Look at those trees, 99!” Max said, appalled. “They must have been hit by some terrible disease.”

“Max. . I know where we are,” 99 said.

“Oh? Do you read sick trees, 99? That’s quite a talent.”

“Max, those trees aren’t sick. They were mowed down by a machine gun.”

“That’s terrible,” Max said sympathetically. “You can sometimes recover from an illness, but from getting mowed down by a machine gun, never. I wonder who- Oh. I think I’m beginning to see what you mean, 99. What you’re trying to say is that we’re back on the same island that we were washed off of last night.”

“I’m afraid so, Max,” 99 said gloomily. “All we managed to accomplish during the night was to lose our survival kit and everything that went with it.”

“Well, at least we weren’t idle,” Max said.

“What do you have in mind for today?” 99 inquired.

“I think that’s pretty obvious. First, we’ll find the castle. Then we’ll recapture Guru Optimo. Then we’ll contact the mainland and have them send the helicopter for us. Then we’ll take Guru Optimo back to headquarters and turn him over to the Chief.”

“Max, I’m hungry. I’m hungry and I’m tired.”

“But first we’ll have breakfast,” Max said. “Since we no longer have the survival kit, though, of course, we’ll have to depend on our wits to scare up some food. You look for some berries, 99. And, meanwhile, I’ll build a few traps and snare some small animals.”

“For what, Max?”

“To eat. This is a desperate situation, 99. We have to think of our tum-tums. By the time you collect a few berries, I’ll have a squirrel or a hedgehog roasting over the grill.”

“What grill, Max?”

“First things first. Go collect your berries and let me get at my trap-building.”

99 headed toward the bushes, and Max began gathering fallen branches. After he had collected a good number, he began stripping the bark from a few. “In times of crisis like this, the thing to do is keep your head,” he called out to 99. “As long as we don’t panic, we’re all right.”

“Max, what are you doing?” 99 asked, looking over.

“I’ll strip these strips into smaller strips and use them as cord,” he replied. “I’ll use the cord to tie together the parts of the trap.”

“Max, that’s brilliant!”

“Simply keeping my head,” Max said modestly.

He broke the branches into lengths of approximately equal size, then, using the strips of bark as binding, he began constructing the first trap. “This reminds me of last Christmas Eve,” he called over to 99.

She looked up into the sky.

“No, I don’t mean that it’s snowing. Last Christmas Eve, I was doing this same thing.”

“Building a trap to catch a squirrel?”

“No, no, putting something together. It was a tricycle.”

“Oh, yes, I remember. Your car was in the garage, wasn’t it?”

“99, it wasn’t a tricycle for me,” Max said. “It was supposed to be a gift for my nephew. But you know how you get things these days, all in parts, and you have to put them together yourself. Well, I was assembling this tricycle-just as I’m assembling this trap, now. Except that this is child’s play compared to that. Have you ever seen the instructions for assembling a tricycle, 99? It’s very complicated. They tell you to connect Part A to Part B, but then, in a very sneaky way, they tell you that Part A won’t connect to Part B until after you’ve connected Part F to Part M, which first have to be linked to Part Z.”

“That doesn’t sound so difficult, Max.”

“Part M looked exactly like Part Y.”

“Oh. Well, I can see how that-”

“Ouch!”

“What happened, Max?”

“Nothing. I just gouged myself in the hand with Part Z.”

“Part Z?”

“This branch.”

“Oh.”

“Putting that tricycle together taught me a good lesson, 99. After I lost my temper and threw Parts A through L into the incinerator and Parts M through Z into the garbage disposal, I realized that there’s never much to be gained by losing your head.”

“What made you decide that, Max?”

“Well, I had to go out and buy another tricycle and try to put it together. And a few minutes later I was back at the incinerator and the garbage disposal with the second set of Parts A through L and M through Z.”

“How’s the trap coming, Max?”

“Fine. Yes, 99, that experience taught me- Oh-oh.”

“What now, Max?”

“I tied my thumb to Part B.”

“Max, forget about the trap. We’ll eat berries.”

“99, I am not going to let a simple thing like a trap defeat me. I learned my lesson last Christmas Eve. If you keep your head-”

“Max? What is it?”

Silence.

“Max?”

“I think it would be better for all concerned, 99, if you didn’t babble at me while I’m trying to construct a very complicated- Drat!”

“Max-don’t lose your head!”

“I can’t find Part D!”

“Max-”

“Where is the incinerator around here!” Max shouted, jumping up.

“Max, remember the lesson you learned!”

“I remember!” he raged. “This is it!”

He threw the trap to the ground and stomped on it, smashing the lengths of branches to twigs.

“Max, you lost your head,” 99 said sadly.

“Maybe so, 99. But I kept my sanity. In a world that expects a man to assemble a tricycle by himself, if he has any brains, he’ll lose his head.”

“Could you phrase that another way, Max?”

“Yes. Pass the berries.”

Nothing was said while Max and 99 munched on the berries. Max fumed silently, and 99 watched him hopefully. Finally, when the last berry was gone, he spoke again.

“I’m still hungry,” he said.

“Shall I gather some more berries, Max?”

“I think I’d rather starve than eat another berry, 99. Our only chance, as I see it, is to find that castle. There will be food there.”