William Johnston - The Spy Who Went Out to the Cold

“Easy does it,” Max said. He got hold of a handle and moved it slowly in reverse. Gradually, the helicopter began to descend. “Give me another few minutes, and I’d know this machine like the palm of my hand,” he said.

“I think we’re going to crash on the deck,” von BOOM warned.

Max shoved the handle forward. The helicopter shot back into the air.

From below came a shout of rage. “It’s not an elevator, Sidney! It’s a helicopter!”

“There’s always a grouch in the crowd,” Max grumbled.

Once more, he eased the handle in reverse, and the helicopter began another slow descent. This time, when they neared the deck, instead of yanking the handle backwards, Max held it steady.

“We’re hovering,” von BOOM advised him. “What now?”

“When I say ‘jump’-jump,” Max ordered.

“I’ll hit the deck.”

“That’s where we want to be,” Max pointed out.

Von BOOM thought for a moment, then nodded. “I don’t know how you managed it, but, for once, I think you’re right.”

“Jump!” Max shouted.

Von BOOM leaped out through the hatchway. An instant later, Max followed him. They hit the deck, rolled, then got to their feet. 99 ran up to them.

“Max-they’re getting away!” 99 cried, pointing to the sky.

The helicopter was rising swiftly, with the two KAOS agents still clinging to the gear.

“They’re not getting away, 99,” Max corrected her. “That’s the way I planned it. They’re heading out to sea. Out there, I don’t think they’ll be much trouble to us.”

“Max! That’s brilliant!”

Max turned and waved goodbye to the departing helicopter.

A cry of anguish, almost inaudible, came floating down. “Sidney! Sidney! Where are you when I need you, Sidney!”

Max, 99 and von BOOM returned to the deck chairs.

“Well, we’re safe now-at least, until we reach Africa,” Max said. “Maybe I better report in to the Chief and let him know how well things are going.”

“Right-you better do it now,” von BOOM said. “I have a feeling that it can’t last.”

“Nevermind, Max,” 99 said consolingly. “There’s always a grouch in the crowd.”

Max removed his shoe and dialed.

Operator: Is that you, Maxie? How’s the ol’ disgruntled taxpayer?

Max: Operator, I’m in no mood for switchboard humor. Will you just connect me with the Chief, please.

Operator: In trouble over your head again, Maxie?

Max: It so happens, Operator, that I am calling in to report nothing, so far, but total success.

Operator: It can’t last. I’ll keep the line open for five minutes.

Max: Five minutes? Why five minutes?

Operator: If you’re running true to form, by then you’ll be over your head in trouble again.

Max: Operator, let me talk to your supervisor.

Operator: Sorry, Maxie-she’s on vacation.

Max: You’re very fortunate. Now, will you please connect me with the Chief?

Operator: No can do, Maxie. He’s out. He left a message for you, though.

Max: Yes?

Operator: He said to tell you if you called in that with everybody out of town on vacation, he’s had no work to do.

Max (impatiently): So?

Operator: So he’s gone on vacation.

Max hung up and placed his shoe back on his foot.

“What is it, Max?” 99 asked, concerned.

Sulking, Max did not reply.

“This is a unique crowd,” von BOOM said. “It has two grouches.”

As Max, 99 and Wormser von BOOM were disembarking from the ocean liner at the pier in Africa, a gigantic wooden crate, being carried by a crane, came loose, hurtled downward, and crashed only feet from them.

Max waved genially to the crane operator. “That’s all right-accidents will happen,” he called.

“Max! We could have been killed!” 99 said.

“99, anybody can make a mistake. And we have to pay particular attention to show these people that we’re nice guys. In some places, Americans aren’t too well thought of today. So we have to go out of our way to be friendly.”

“Yes, Max, but-Eeeeeeeek!”

A taxi had zoomed by, missing them by a matter of inches.

“Think nothing of it!” Max shouted after the driver. “Our fault for being on the sidewalk!”

“Max, what I was about to say was, isn’t it possible that these accidents haven’t been accidents? If KAOS-”

“Just a second, 99,” Max said, his eyes narrowing. “Something has just occurred to me. Doesn’t it seem a little strange to you that all of these near-fatal accidents are happening to us ? Why not to anybody else? After all, there were other detested Americans on that ship. 99, I’m beginning to suspect that these accidents haven’t actually been accidents.”

“You mean-”

“Right, 99. I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that the local KAOS agents have been alerted to our arrival. From now on, we better make it our policy to be suspicious of everyone and anyone.”

“Good idea, Max.”

Von BOOM snorted. “A child could have figured that out.”

Max eyed him suspiciously. “Haven’t I seen you somewhere before, buster?”

“Max, that’s-” 99 began.

“I know, I know, 99. Just practicing.”

“Oh. Well. . what now, Max?”

“Well, we’ll- Oh, excuse me,” Max said to a small, dumpy Arab who had slipped a hand into Max’s pocket, “I think my pocket is caught on your fingers.”

The Arab glared at him. “I’m not surprised. You’re probably trying to bribe me. You despicable Americans think money is the answer to everything. How much were you going to offer?”

“Actually, I don’t carry my money in that pocket,” Max replied. “It’s in my wallet.”

“Details, details, let’s get on with the bribe.”

“I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong impression,” Max said. “I have no reason to bribe you. All I need is directions to the nearest trustworthy rent-a-camel agency.”

The small, dumpy Arab pointed. “Up the street about six blocks.” He held out a hand, palm up. “That will be five bucks.”

“Are you sure it’s trustworthy?” Max said. “No offense meant, but you know how undependable you foreigners are.”

“It’s trustworthy,” the Arab replied. “That’ll be ten bucks.”

“You said five bucks.”

“That was before I put my reputation on the line and assured you it was trustworthy. You see any signs hanging on me saying I toss in my reputation for free?”

Von BOOM started to wander off. Max reached out and grabbed him and held him. “When you said ‘line,’ he was reminded to go to the post office,” he explained to the puzzled-looking Arab.

“What is he-some kind of a Sidney?”

“So you know him, too,” said Max, shaking his head. He got out his wallet and handed the Arab a ten dollar bill. “Understand now, that’s not a bribe,” he said. “It’s payment for services rendered.”

The Arab winked. “I’ll never squeal.” He departed, folding the ten dollar bill, then tucking it into the folds of his burnoose.

“I think I handled that very well,” Max said, pleased. “Did you notice how antagonistic he was when we first met? But, when he left, he was a friend. It proves, I think, that the old saying is right: Money is the answer to everything.”

“Max, shouldn’t we go?” 99 said apprehensively. “If KAOS-”

“Later, 99. Right now, let’s get out of here. The local KAOS agents could be closing in on us right at this very moment.”

They hurried up the street. When they reached the sixth block, they slowed their pace, looking for the rent-a-camel agency.