William Johnston - The Spy Who Went Out to the Cold

“The way it’s blowing,” he said, “it could blow this ship right off the desert and into the ocean. We’d sink like a rock.”

The following morning when Max awakened it looked as if his worst fear had come true. There was nearly a foot of water in the hold, and it was rising rapidly.

He shook 99 and von BOOM. “Abandon ship!” he shouted. “We’re sinking like a rock!”

They rushed up onto the deck. The storm had passed. Most of the ship was resting on a beach, but its prow was protruding into a river.

“Max! We’re saved!” 99 squealed happily.

“We may be safe, 99, but we’re still lost.”

“No, Max-look! There comes help. A houseboat. And it’s coming this way.”

“Oh. . yes. Isn’t that a woman at the helm? It’s a little hard to tell.”

As the houseboat neared the ship, the skipper, a large, beefy woman in a captain’s uniform, waved to them. “Ho, there!” she bellowed. “Cap’n O’Patterer, Queen o’ the Nile, at yur service, mates!”

“Max! It’s the Nile!” 99 said. “We found it!”

“Dumb luck,” von BOOM muttered.

“Not exactly,” Max said testily. “Dumb modus operandi would be more like it.”

Max, 99 and von BOOM climbed down to the beach, then waited for Cap’n O’Patterer to dock her houseboat.

“If we can hitch a ride to Alexandria, all our problems are solved,” Max said. “From Alexandria, we can catch a plane to Russia. That’s where we’ll get the Trans Siberian Railway, which will take us to the Pacific, where we’ll take a submarine to Alaska. And, from Alaska, on to the Pole. It’s a cinch from here on out.”

“She may not be going our way, Max,” 99 said.

“In that case, we’ll rent her houseboat,” Max replied. “Money is the answer to everything, 99.”

The boat ploughed into the beach and stopped and the big, beefy woman dropped an anchor over the side. “Looks like ya got yurself a peck o’ dum-doo-dee-doo-doo trouble there, Spike,” she said, addressing Max and indicating the ship.

Max shook his head, “The ship isn’t ours,” he replied. “Our problem is getting to Alexandria. Are you by any chance going that way?”

“Wouldn’t set foot in that town for a million beans and a pack o’ dum-doo-dee-doo-doo salty pork bacon!” Cap’n O’Patterer replied. “Last time I did, I near got runned down by a crosstown bus. That don’t never happen on the river, you can bet yur two-toed boots.”

“Suppose I offered you a great deal of money?” Max suggested.

“What’d I do with it? Buy me a million beans and a pack o’ dum-doo-dee-doo-doo salty pork bacon, that’s all. No gain there. Say, that’s a ding-dong beauty of four-master ya got there,” she continued, pointing to the ship again. “First one I ever seen that rolled on wheels. Got any idea of partin’ with it, Oscar?”

“As I said, it isn’t ours,” Max replied. “Now-”

“Don’t see nobody else around,” Cap’n O’Patterer said. “If she ain’t yur’n, who’s she?”

“He’s out there on the desert. Now-”

“Comin’ fur ’er, is he?”

“I doubt it,” Max answered. “It blew away from him and we found it. Now-”

“Then it’s yurs,” Cap’n O’Patterer said. “That’s the law o’ the sea, Jackson. Flotsam and jetsam. Or, to put it the way you landlubbers maul it-finders keepers, losers weepers. Tell you what I’ll do. You got the itch to get to o’ Alex and get runned down by a crosstown bus, eh? I’ll trade you-far and squar-my houseboat for your four-master.”

“That wouldn’t be fair,” Max replied. “It has a hole in it.”

“Don’t no more. I patched it up a couple days ago, Johnny.”

“I mean the ship has a hole in it.”

Cap’n O’Patterer shrugged. “Don’t make no nevermind to me, Willie,” she said. “Don’t ’tend to sail her. Gonna let her sit. I’m retirin’, ya see. Gonna perch up there in the riggin’ and watch the boats go by.”

“Oh. Well, in that case,” Max said, “it’s a deal.”

Max and Cap’n O’Patterer shook hands to seal the bargain, then the captain climbed the rigging of the four-master, and Max, 99 and von BOOM got aboard the houseboat.

“Max, are you sure you can sail this?” 99 said.

“Nothing to it, 99. We’ll just push off, then drift with the current.”

“I don’t know, Max. It seems so simple. . There must be more to it than that. Shouldn’t you ask Cap’n O’Patterer?”

“Have a little faith, 99. Get hold of one of those poles and help me get the boat off the beach.”

Using the poles, Max and 99 freed the houseboat from the sand, while von BOOM looked on.

“There we are,” Max smiled victoriously. “We’re floating-free as a bird.”

“We’re not moving,” von BOOM said.

“Nonsense. We’re in the water, aren’t we?”

“We’re not moving,” von BOOM repeated.

Max looked over the side. The boat was not moving. He shouted up to Cap’n O’Patterer. “One thing-” he began.

“Pull up yur dum-doo-dee-doo-doo anchor, Marvin!” she shouted back.

“Oh.”

Max hoisted the anchor and a moment later the houseboat began drifting along with the current, headed in the direction of Alexandria at the mouth of the Nile.

“One word o’ caution, Reggie!” Cap’n O’Patterer bellowed after them. “Always pull ’er over to shore when it comes up a heavy rain!”

“Why?” Max bellowed back.

“She gets water in the basement!” Cap’n O’Patterer replied.

“Basement, Max?” 99 said puzzledly.

“She means the hold, 99. On a houseboat, it’s called the basement.”

“I see.”

The day passed quietly. Von BOOM sat on deck, reading a book he had found in the cabin. Max and 99 took turns steering. When they were not at the helm, they lounged in deck chairs.

“I think we’ve given KAOS the slip, 99,” Max said. “From now on, it looks like clear sailing.”

“Doesn’t that seem a little odd to you, Max?” 99 replied. “We’ve never been able to outwit KAOS so easily before.”

“Practice makes perfect, 99.”

That night they anchored the houseboat near the bank of the river. Max and 99, who were weary from steering, stretched out on bunks to get some sleep. Von BOOM was still wide-awake, however. So he stayed up, reading by lamplight.

Abruptly, in the middle of the night, Max was roused by a sound. He sat up. The cabin was completely dark.

“Von BOOM?” he called.

“You don’t have to shout,” a rough voice that he did not recognize replied.

“Who is that?” Max demanded.

“Ain’t nobody here but us river pirates,” the voice replied.

At the same moment, a beam of light flashed in Max’s face.

“Cut that out!” Max complained. “I can’t see!”

“You don’t want to see a river pirate, anyway-it’s scary,” the voice said.

A different voice spoke up. “The lights won’t go on,” it said. “They must’ve blown a fuse.”

“Max!” 99 cried out. “What’s happening?”

The beam of light moved from Max to 99. “Don’t worry, lady,” the rough voice said. “You’re being kidnapped by river pirates, that’s all. If you’re rich, or if you have rich friends, and they’re willing to pay a king’s ransom to get you back, you have no problems.”

“We’re not rich,” Max said gruffly. “And we don’t have any rich friends.”

“Oy! — do you have problems!” the voice groaned.

The second voice spoke up again. “On the contrary, Chief,” it said. “If they’re not rich, then that’s our problem. We can’t get a ransom for them. Let’s just raid the ice box and leave it at that.”