William Johnston - Max Smart Loses Control

“That won’t be much help, either, Max.”

“Never say die,” Max said. “I saw a Jimmy Cagney picture once where he rattled on the cell bars with a spoon. It made an awful racket.”

“Did it get him out of the cell, Max?”

“No, but it got me out of the theater,” Max replied. “And maybe the same thing would work in this instance. I’ll rattle the spoon on the bars. The noise may drive the guard away. And once the guard is gone, we can use the spoon to start digging our way out.”

“Max-”

But Max was determined. He began rattling the spoon on the bars, making a terrible racket.

“Hey!” the guard said, coming to the cell door. “That’s a terrible racket. You’re giving me a headache.”

“Sorry about that,” Max said sympathetically. “I know exactly how that is.” He dug into his pocket. “Here. Here’s an aspirin.”

“Thanks,” the guard replied, taking the tablet and swallowing it.

Max began rattling the spoon on the bars again.

The guard drew his gun and pointed it at Max. “Do that once more, and you get it right between the eyes!” he warned.

Glowering, Max put the spoon away. The guard returned to his post.

“Max! Do you know what you gave that guard!” Hymie said.

“Yes-a very nasty look!” Max replied. “He could have been polite about asking me to stop, he didn’t have to threaten me.”

“That aspirin, I mean. That was the explosive!”

“Oh-oh,” He called through the bars. “Guard! I want you to know that you don’t have to worry about us trying to make a jailbreak. So, don’t make any sudden moves. If you hear or see anything unusual, don’t panic. Ask questions first. Whatever you do, don’t jump up or run.”

“Quiet!” the guard yelled back.

“Leave him alone, Max,” Hymie said. “You might upset him.”

“Maybe we better get under that bunk, anyway, Hymie-just in case.”

“There’s nothing but cotton padding on that bunk, Max. What good would that do?”

“Don’t forget-I’ll be holding my spoon over us, too.”

As soon as 99 had had breakfast that morning, she strolled out to where the horse and cow were standing, grazing, assuming that Max and Hymie would make contact with her there. But morning passed and they did not appear. 99 took a half-hour off for lunch, then returned to the corral. She noticed now that all of the hired hands were clean-shaven. That started her wondering. Was it possible that Max and Hymie, obeying their bedside computers, had taken off their false mustaches? If so, they might have been recognized. They might now, in fact, be in the clutches of Ways and Means!

Beginning to worry, 99 strolled to the pool, mingled with the other guests, and began asking sly questions.

“Well. . any clues to anything?” she inquired of a middle-aged man, settling down beside him in the next deck chair.

“My dear, clues to anything you might choose,” he beamed. “Nothing is impossible in this place. First vacation I’ve enjoyed in years. I’m thinking of moving my office out here.”

“Business and pleasure don’t mix,” 99 reminded him.

“I’ve always enjoyed working,” the man said. “And now I enjoy vacationing. So, it’ll be mixing pleasure with pleasure.”

“But won’t it get boring, enjoying yourself all the time?” 99 asked.

“No, no, no. There’s always something new and interesting going on here at the Leg Up. Why, only this morning, several gentlemen jumped into the pool fully clothed, turned the rim on that drain at the bottom, then disappeared through a secret opening in the side of the pool. You don’t see much of that back home in Milford, Connecticut.”

“Oh?”

“No. You have to drive all the way to Bridgeport. It gets pretty wild in Bridgeport sometimes.”

99 leaned a little forward, lowering her voice. “These men who jumped into the pool-were they clean-shaven?” she asked.

“All but two of them,” the man replied.

“Could you describe them?”

“Had handlebar mustaches.”

“Was there anything else about them that you noticed?” 99 asked.

“Well. . one of them wasn’t as dumb-looking as the other.”

99 smiled. “Thank you.”

She got up, dived into the pool fully clothed, turned the rim on the drain, then disappeared through a secret opening.

“Same old stuff,” the man grumbled. “Who was it said there’s always something new and interesting going on here?”

Finding herself in a corridor, 99 sized up the situation, then proceeded toward the closed door at the far end of the corridor. Approaching a nozzle that was protruding from the wall, she identified it as a mind-destroying laser beam, and ducked under it. A moment later, she came to a second nozzle. Chalked over it, she saw the words: Out of Order. Recognizing the nozzle as a napalm spray, 99 knew that there would be no point to putting an Out of Order sign on it if it were really out of order, so the sign was probably a trick. She ducked under the spray and proceeded. The sign over the trapdoor did not fool her either. She soon reached the closed door at the end of the corridor.

Opening the door, 99 spotted Ways and Means, with their backs to her, feeding information into a machine that looked a great deal like a refrigerator that had broken out in a rash of gauges, buttons, dials and levers, and which, consequently, she assumed must be Number One. Ways and Means appeared to be quite perturbed. As a result, they did not see her as she slipped quietly across the laboratory toward one of the side doors. Nor did they notice when she passed through the doorway and entered the smaller corridor that led to the cells.

A few seconds later, 99 came upon the guard who was doing sentry duty near the cell which held Max and Hymie. She immediately dropped the man with one quick, sharp karate blow, then, as he fell, hurried to the bars of the cell.

“Max! Hymie! Are you all right?” 99 called.

“We’re fine, 99.”

“What are you doing under that bunk?”

“It’s sort of a game,” Max replied, as he and Hymie crawled out. “It’s called ‘When you see a good friend creep up on a guard and drop him with a karate blow and let him fall and he’s just swallowed an explosive that could blow up a body of water the size of Lake Ontario, duck under anything, even a bunk or a small metal spoon.’ ”

“Gee. . I like the title,” 99 said. “But, how is it played?”

“Very carefully, without disturbing the body,” Max replied.

“99,” Hymie said, “get the keys from the guard and let us out.”

“But, 99-” Max warned, “-don’t disturb the body!”

99 returned to where the guard had fallen, rolled his body over-very carefully-then unhooked the ring of keys from his belt.

“I wonder which is which?” 99 said, returning to the cell and examining the keys.

“The key for the cell will fit the lock in the cell door,” Max explained. “That’s the way you tell.”

“I know, Max. I- Here it is!”

99 turned the key in the lock, then opened the cell door. Max and Hymie slipped out, then the three moved toward the doorway that led to the laboratory. But suddenly Max halted them.

“Somebody’s coming!”

“I heard it, too, Max,” 99 said.

“Anybody have a weapon?” Max asked.

There was no reply.

“Then we’ll have to hide,” Max decided. “That’s probably Means and Ways and the whole army of guards coming this way. If they catch us, they’ll toss us all into that cell. And then 99 won’t be free to rescue us again.”

“Max! Where can we hide?”

“Follow me!”

Max turned and retreated along the corridor, and 99 and Hymie followed close behind. Max suddenly made a sharp right turn-and Hymie and 99 tagged after him.