Robert Swindells - Daz 4 Zoe

I told him and he said ‘Who told you it was a lie? Who’s been talking to you, Zoe – your grandma?’ He’s got a thing about Grandma. Thinks she’s a bad influence. Once when he was real mad he called her a communist and that caused a fight between Mum and him.

I shook my head. ‘Nobody talked to me, Dad. I thought it out. They took the vote away from the Chippies and they knew it was wrong so they made up an excuse and I had to write it out forty-five times and that’s brainwashing.’

‘Nonsense!’ He leaned forward in the chair. ‘Now listen here, young woman: I’ve had it just about up to here with your recent behaviour, and so has your mother. I don’t know what triggered it off, but whatever it was it stops – right here, right now.’ He stood up, thrusting the note in his pocket. ‘Tomorrow morning before your first class, you’ll apologise to Miss Moncrieff for having defaced the work she set you, and in the meantime you’ll write out those forty-five lines again, for me. And I don’t want to find any smart footnotes either. Is that clear?’

It was, and I did it, and it took till nine thirty. I spent from then till about ten-thirty at my window, gazing south. It was raining. Finally I got into bed and lay thinking about how it’d be, apologizing to old Mon-crieff.

Maybe I’ll kill myself instead.

I didn’t kill myself or I wouldn’t be writing this, would I? Oh, I thought about it. I thought about it for quite a while that night: how I’d leave a note for my parents, forgiving them for their unjust treatment of me. When I failed to appear at breakfast Mum would call, and when I still didn’t show up she’d come to my room and there I’d be, pale and cold and very still, but smiling so sweetly that all who beheld me would be struck at once with a sense of my total blamelessness. And then they’d find the note on the bedside unit and read it and boy, would they be sorry. How they’d weep. How they’d wish it could be yesterday again so they could have another chance with me. They’d call me that poor, misunderstood lamb and all like that, but it’d be too late, wouldn’t it? I’d be gone, and all the sorrow and repentance in the world wouldn’t bring me back.

And that’s the snag, right? Because I wouldn’t get to see any of this. I wouldn’t even know about it. I mean, it’d be fine and dandy if I was going to be sitting somewhere out of sight, looking on. Watching the devastation my simple act had wrought but I wouldn’t be, would I? Dead is dead, and there’s no satisfaction in revenge if you’re not around to enjoy it.

So I stayed alive and apologized to Moncrieff. Oh, how could you, I hear you cry. How did you stand it – the humiliation and all?

Well, I’ll tell you in a single word. Galileo.

Let me explain.

Galileo was the guy who invented the telescope, and when he’d invented it he used it to look at the moon and the stars and the planets and all that, and he made a startling discovery. He discovered that the earth didn’t stand still like people thought in those days, with the sun and moon and stars going round and round for our especial benefit. No. He saw that it was the earth that moved, round and round the sun. This was a very revolutionary discovery, and Galileo wrote it down so others could share his knowledge.

And that was his big mistake, because the guys in charge back then didn’t like his discovery. They wanted everybody to go on believing that the earth was in the middle with everything else going round it. So they sent for Galileo and they said it’s not true, what you’re saying. It’s all lies. And Galileo said no it’s not, it’s true, and if you don’t believe me take a peek through my telescope.

They wouldn’t do it, though. They didn’t want to know. They said, we want you to say you were mistaken. We want you to tell everybody that. In fact, we command you to. But Galileo shook his head and said, I can’t tell ’ em that. I ’m not mistaken – you are.

And this is where they really got mad. They said, you don’t understand. Either you tell everybody you were wrong, or we burn you alive.

Well, now that they’d explained it more clearly Galileo told everybody he’d made a mistake. He said his idea of the universe was wrong, but it was just words, right? He knew all the time he was right, only he said the words they wanted to hear so they wouldn’t burn him.

And that’s how I apologised to old Moncrieff. I said some words to her so they wouldn’t kick me out of school, but I knew all the time me and Grandma were right about brainwashing.

Hang in there, Galileo. Way to go, man!

Fursday afternoon i smuggel my stuff owt the flat wile our mam up the helf. She’s down wiv the dulleye as usual and gon for her scrip.

i got these coveralls you gotta wear in Veezaville. Blue wiv a big yeller disc so they know yor a Chippy, i got the cap 2. Blue baseball cap. i gotta flashlite and a big ball ov twine.

Cost me all my peanuts but i gotta do it, rite? i wisht i gotta seeit anall but they cost moren i got plus not easy to contact the deela.

i know wot you finking. You finking wots he want wiv twine encha? Well, i tell you. 1 time up the school Mister James tel this story abowt sum guy wayback after go frou this maze. Maze is lots of tunnels like i after go frou. This guy scairt he get lost in this maze, plus its got this monster in it – this miner tour. So wot he does is he has his ball ov twine witch he lets it owt as he goes frou so he can foller it back and if he can i can, see?

Aniway i get all this stuff in a plastic sac and i go norf and luck arownd til i find the lid in the road. 2 many people so i pertend i’m jus passing til thay gon. Then i lift the lid and luck in the hoal. Black hoal. i feel funny lucking down plus it stinks. Troof is, now i’m here i dont feal 2 good abowt going down, i tel myself i dont afta but then i fink ov her and here i go.

its not easy standing on this fin rusty ladder wiv my sac and i gorra put the lid on fore any 1 coms. i luck down but cant see the bottom. Drop the sac, i sez 2 myself. Take a chance. if it lands in water 2 bad. i drop it and hear a fud so thats okay. i nearly fal off the ladder shifting the lid but i get it on nor i dont fink any 1 seen me neeva but its reely dark and stinky and i’m scairt. i go down the ladder, bits ov it come off on my hands and fall on my hed and 1 bit goes in my mouf and when i spit it makes like a lowd ekco noise and i wisht i never done it.

Longway to the bottom but i make it. Standing in somfing soft and wet. Feel about 4 the sac, finking i hope that flashlite okay. if the drop smasht it i’m not going. No way. i find it and it lites fank god. i shine it about. All bricks wiv wite stuff like wool or spiderweb hanging down. 1 tunnel leading of. Just 1, fank god again. if i seen 2 tunnels i wunt know witch, rite?

its cold. My breff is so lowd i wisht i didn’t afta breeve. Water dripping 2 so plenty ov ekco. i keep finking about that miner tour and i dont want to leeve the ladder. Dont tork so daft i sez, only i say it in my hed so no ekco. That Glint go frou, any 1 can. This dont make me feel better cos now i fink abowt Clint goast. No such fing i tel myself but still scairt and not even started yet.

Get a grip i sez inside my hed. Do somfing take yor mind of it ha ha. So i put the flashlite in my teef and get the twine and tie 1 end to the ladder and the flashlite all the time jerking abowt making funny shadders on the bricks only not 2 funny rite? Aniway doing somfing makes me feel better. i tie the sac frou my belt so boaf hands free and i can hold the flashlite in 1 hand and the twine in the ovver. if i stop to fink i be up that ladder like a rat up a shitpipe so i dont. i say help me god and i’m in the tunnel going norf.