Рита Браун - Whisker Of Evil

“That’s all of Crozet.” Susan smiled. “Ned and I will certainly be part of it.”

The others agreed, even Paul and Tazio.

“But you all never knew her,” Harry said.

“We can give a little something,” Paul said. “A scholarship, that’s special.” He asked Tavener, “What would the student have to do?”

“Oh, not so much do but be . A leader. A good student, maybe not the best student but good. I was thinking maybe it would be a young person who was planning a career in the equine industry.”

“She’d love that,” Harry enthused.

Pewter had heard enough about all this. “Let’s put the weather vane on the shed.”

No one paid much mind.

“Sit on the weather vane,” Mrs. Murphy counseled.

Pewter, with much ceremony, plopped on the pretty metal cat.

Harry reached down and picked her up, making a large groaning noise that Pewter did not find amusing.

Fair lifted up the weather vane. “I’m going to put this right up.”

“Told you,” Mrs. Murphy bragged.

“Before you get back up on the ladder, Jerome been bugging you, too?” asked Tavener.

“I can’t turn around without bumping into him.” Fair laughed. “I could kill him.”

“Me, too, and not feel a twinge of guilt. He overstepped the line. He called the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, and in the process of asking for information about rabies, where had it shown up this spring and so forth, he apparently told them we have a human epidemic.”

“What?” Fair’s jaw dropped.

“Bill Langston called me and said his phone has been ringing off the hook.”

“What does it mean exactly?” Paul inquired. “That he called the Centers for Disease Control?”

“For one thing, the state veterinarian will be here tomorrow.” Tavener sighed. “A good man, but we’re all busy as can be and he’s going to want to see each of us. And for another thing, the head of Public Health will get his butt over from Richmond, and might I remind you this is an election year. He’ll chew out the county health officials, all of whom properly did their jobs. God only knows what will happen if some genius candidate gets hold of this. Remember years ago”—he directed this to Harry, Fair, Susan, and BoomBoom—“when old Richard Deavers went crackers? For you all”—he indicated Blair, Tazio, and Paul—“Richard Deavers had money, and when he lost his mind he decided that humans were abusing animals because they didn’t wear clothes. They were ashamed of their nakedness just like we were when expelled from the Garden of Eden. Anyway, to make a long story short, he must have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to get legislation passed that would force us to put clothes on cats, dogs, horses, cattle, and so on. Some people believed him. Some of them put a new twist on it: nakedness encouraged human immorality. My God, what a mess. We finally voted it down as a state—not local, mind you, but state—referendum. Well, we could be in for something that ridiculous if Jerome Stoltfus isn’t sat down hard.”

31

N o!” Harry uttered the forbidden word through clenched teeth. “No, I won’t do it.”

Southerners are taught from infancy a variety of ways to decline without saying no outright. It’s considered bad manners to be so blunt. Furthermore, anyone who forces you into a true D no—a true D being a Southern expression that means the ultimate—is forever despised by you. They should know better. If they’re a Northerner, who prizes directness, they are doubly despised, first because they pushed you and second because they lack all subtlety and don’t appreciate same.

Miranda’s eyes about popped from her head. Her hand flew to her mouth.

“Now, Harry, you can understand that these are unusual circumstances.” Pug Harper’s voice remained genial.

Having heard the no, Pug, born and bred in Albemarle County, knew he had mortally offended one of his best people.

Jerome Stoltfus knew it also, but he didn’t care. “I spent this whole Wednesday morning with the state veterinarian and people from the Health Department. Can’t be having pets in public places.”

Pug wanted to smash Jerome. “Harry, this will all calm down. Just for the next few weeks.”

Jerome flared up. “Few weeks, hell. Animals got no place in a federal building. Says neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow or whatever will keep you from your appointed rounds. Doesn’t say anything about cats and dogs. From the looks of it, that fat gray thing couldn’t even get to the corner, much less your appointed rounds.”

“I resent that!” Pewter spat.

Mrs. Murphy, sitting next to Pewter in the mail cart, concurred. “Jerome, we can scratch your eyes out before you know what hit you.”

“And I can bite you until you bleed!” Tucker, standing foursquare in front of Harry, meant every word.

“That dog’s growling at me. That dog’s vicious. I can impound Tucker, you know.”

“For Christ’s sake, Jerome,” Pug, at the end of his rope, hissed, “there has never been a vicious Pembroke corgi in the history of man!”

This stopped Jerome for a moment.

“Pug, I like you. I think you are a fine postmaster, and the volume of mail in this county has tripled in the last five years. You’ve done a wonderful job coping with that, plus the federal rules, which would stop Einstein. But I am not removing Mrs. Murphy, Pewter, and Tucker from the post office. I mean it.” Harry put her hands on her hips.

“Then I’ll write you a citation.” Jerome smacked his hands together.

“Will you kindly shut up!” Pug raised his voice. “Harry, Richmond’s in an uproar. The damned media will get their teeth into the story. Crozet, Rabies Capital of America.” He sighed.

“I gave Jerome my paperwork. Dr. Shulman can vouch for the splendid health of my family. I won’t do it.”

“I can put you in jail. I can impound your animals. You have contempt for public health. For the public good.” Jerome was on a roll.

Pug wheeled on him, but Miranda intervened. “This is dicey. We can all see that, but, Pug,” she lowered her voice, “you are going to muster out these two little kitties and this adorable and very helpful puppy when the new building is completed, aren’t you?”

Pug blanched. “Now, I didn’t say that but, well, there will be a new set of workers, you know, and if Harry brings her animals they’ll want to bring theirs. It will be like a zoo.”

“It’s against the law.” Jerome, not necessarily relishing Harry’s discomfort, finally was in a position of some power. It went right to his head.

Harry, in control of herself, said quite calmly, “Pug, I guess I knew this was coming.”

“But that won’t be for at least seven months, given building delays—you know how that is—a year. But for now, take these guys home, will you?”

“For good.” Jerome snapped his lips shut, the lower one slightly jutting outward.

Harry looked at Miranda, whose eyes brimmed with sympathy, then she turned back to Pug. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to run the P.O. today. I quit.”

“Me, too.” Miranda scooped up Pewter as Harry picked up Mrs. Murphy.

Tucker, thrilled, strutted in front of the humans as they walked out the back door.

“Aren’t you going to fire her?” Jerome prodded.

“Fire her? She just quit, you complete and utter asshole!” Pug clenched his fists. He wanted to smash in Jerome’s face.

Jerome took a step backward. “She’ll be crawling back. She’ll be here tomorrow. She has to work for a living. What would she do without the post office?”