Рита Браун: Santa Clawed

Santa Clawed

RITA MAE BROWN SNEAKY PIE BROWN

ILLUSTRATIONS BY MICHAEL GELLATLY

BANTAM BOOKS NEWYORK • TORONTO • LONDON • SYDNEY • AUCKLAND

A Bantam Book / November 2008

Mom and Dad always told me to work with the best. I do. Therefore, this book is dedicated to my editor, Danielle Perez.

Acknowledgments

Surround yourselves with good people. Every day John Morris Sr. and John Morris Jr. (Toot), along with Robert Steppe, come to work on the farm. They are a joy. Dana Flaherty, professional whipper-in, also manages the farm, and she frees me from many of the small burdens so I can concentrate on the larger. The hunt club members (we don’t kill foxes so don’t get your knickers in a knot) are the best people I know, and they carry me along.

But in many ways the deepest acknowledgments must go to my cats, dogs, horses, and hounds, for I connect often more intensely with these friends than I do with most humans. Perhaps I know their language better, who is to say? If there aren’t cats, dogs, horses, hounds, and, of course, foxes, in heaven, I’m not going. Then again, I might not be going anyway. Curious, isn’t it, that even in the afterlife humans have created an uptown and a downtown?

I couldn’t live without my four- footed friends, and I couldn’t write, either.

Cast of Characters

Mary Minor “Harry” Haristeen —Formerly the postmistress of Crozet, she now is trying to make a go of it with farming. She turned forty in August and doesn’t seem to mind.

Pharamond“Fair” Haristeen, D.V.M .—Harry’s husband is an equine vet, and he tries to keep his wife out of trouble, with limited success.

Susan Tucker —Harry’s best friend since cradle days, who often marvels at how Harry’s mind works, when it works. The two of them know each other so well that, if they wished, one could finish the other’s sentences.

Mrs. Miranda Hogendobber —Miranda observes a great deal but keeps most of it to herself. She’s in her early seventies, devoutly Christian, and mothers Harry, who lost her own mother when she was in her twenties.

Marilyn “Big Mim” Sanburne —The Queen of Crozet sees all and knows all, or would like to, at any rate. She despotically improves everyone’s lot but is good-hearted underneath it all.

Aunt Tally Urquhart —This wild woman, in her nineties, must be a devotee of the god Pan, for she’s in her glory when pandemonium reigns. She’s Big Mim’s aunt and delights in shocking her prim niece.

Deputy Cynthia Cooper —Harry’s neighbor, she, like Fair, tries to keep Harry out of trouble when she can. She’s smart and likes law enforcement.

Sheriff Rick Shaw —He’s the dedicated public servant, insightful but by the book. He wearies of the politics of his position, but he never wearies of bringing criminals to justice. He likes Harry, but she gets in the way.

Olivia “BoomBoom” Craycroft —She was widowed in her early thirties and, being quite beautiful, always trailed troops of men behind her. One of them was Fair Haristeen, who had an affair with her when he was separated from Harry. He and Harry have since divorced and remarried. BoomBoom can be forceful when necessary.

Alicia Palmer —A great movie star, now in her fifties, she’s thrilled to be back on the farm in Crozet. She’s also thrilled that she’s found BoomBoom, for they truly connect.

The Really Important Characters

Mrs. Murphy —She’s a pretty tiger cat with brains, speed, and a reasonably tolerant temperament. She knows she can’t really keep Harry, her human, out of trouble, but she can sometimes get her out once she’s in a mess.

Tee Tucker —This corgi, also devoted to Harry, has great courage and manages to live with two cats. That says a lot.

Pewter —The gray cannonball, as she does not like to be known, affects disdain for humans. However, she loves Harry and Fair. If it’s possible to avoid a long way or trouble, she’s the first to choose that path.

Simon —Living in the barn with all the horses pleases this possum. He also likes Harry, as much as he can like humans. She gives him treats.

Flatface —Sharing the loft with Simon, this great horned owl looks down on earthbound creatures, figuratively and literally. However, in a pinch, Flatface can be counted on.

Matilda —She’s a big blacksnake and the third roommate in the barn loft. Her sense of humor borders on the black, too.

Owen —Tee Tucker’s brother belongs to Susan Tucker, who bred the litter. He doesn’t know how his sister can tolerate the cats. When in feline company, he behaves, but he thinks the cats are snobs.

Since Mrs. Murphy, Tucker, and Pewter live on a farm, various creatures cross their path, from bears to foxes to one nasty blue jay. They love all the horses, which can’t be said for some of the other creatures, but then, the horses are domesticated. Pewter declares she is not domesticated but merely resting in a house with regular meals.

Santa Clawed

1

St. Luke’s, a beautiful stone church on the outskirts of Crozet, Virginia, appeared even more stunning than usual given the fresh snow on the rooftops, the windowsills of the parish office, and the pastor’s living quarters across the now- white quad. Plumes of smoke rose from the great hall, which formed one side of the quad, and smoke spiraled from the parish office. The church was built in 1803, and it was clear that those early Lutherans needed many fireplaces. Over the centuries the buildings had been wired, vented, and plumbed. The modern conveniences served to enhance comfort. The structures had to last for centuries and no doubt would endure more improvements over ensuing centuries.

As Harry Haristeen walked across the large quad to the great hall, her two cats and corgi behind her, she wondered if people today could build as securely as our forefathers did. Seemed like things were built to fall apart. Grateful that she lived in an old farmhouse built about the same time as the church, she paused on her way to the work party long enough to make a snowball and throw it up in the air.

Tucker, the corgi, jumped up to catch it. As she did, the snowball chilled her teeth, so she dropped it.

“Dumb!” Pewter, the portly gray cat, laughed.

“I knew it would do that, but if she throws a ball, I have to catch it. That’s my job,” Tucker defended herself.

Harry decided to sprint the last two hundred yards to warm up.

The tiger cat, Mrs. Murphy, shot past her. The shoveled walkway was covered with inches of fresh snow but easily negotiable.

Pewter, hating to be outdone, couldn’t get around Harry so she leapt onto the snow, where she promptly sank.