Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Advice. Purrfect Passion. A Purrfect Gnomeful

‘Dear Lonely Heart, if you like your boss so much, why don’t you grab the bull by the horns and tell her already? We all know what happens to those who wait: nothing! Just buy her the biggest bouquet of flowers you can find, ask her out for dinner and tell her how you feel. And I can tell you with all my heart you won’t be disappointed. So jump!’

Charlene smiled. Well, they’d jumped. Both of them. And she had a feeling that wherever they landed would be someplace pretty excellent.

Epilogue

“Max, what’s happening!”

“I have no idea, Dooley,” I said.

Though I had the distinct impression it had something to do with Gabi—or the two Gabis. No one in town knew for a fact, but I now had confirmation that Gabi was in fact none other than Grandma Muffin and her newfound friend Scarlett. They’d been dispensing advice left, right and center, and some pretty good advice, too, which seemed to focus on bringing sundered hearts together—or hearts, period, sundered or not.

I’d walked in on Gran one night a couple of days ago, and she was typing something on her laptop. And when I jumped up on her desk, she quickly closed it, but not before I’d read the opening line of her piece, which read, ‘Dear Nervous Heart…’

She’d told me not to divulge her little secret, and of course I’d told her I wouldn’t.

“I think it’s beautiful,” said Harriet. “I love it when people are in love, don’t you, mi amor ?”

“People and cats,” said Brutus as he munched on a piece of sausage. “People and cats.”

“Exactly,” said his mate for life.

We were in Marge and Tex’s backyard, with Tex manning the grill and producing the kind of delicious treats only a grill master of his caliber could provide: scorched sausages, burnt patties and incinerated steaks. Still, if you scraped off the black stuff, it was still pretty decent food.

Marge was there, dishing out her famous potato salad to all who wanted it, which was everyone, and of course Odelia and Chase, but also Gran and Scarlett and Uncle Alec and… Mayor Butterwick for some reason, which had caused Dooley’s outcry.

“The family is expanding, Max,” said Dooley. “Soon this backyard will be too small.”

“I doubt it,” I said. “Plenty of space left.”

“So what’s going to happen to Kirk’s non-existent fortune?” asked Odelia as she took a sniff from her burger and replaced it on her plate.

“Well, the insurance will pay out,” said Chase, “and the money will go to his wife Sandy, which is probably not what Kirk would have wanted, but what is actually the right thing, after all that she suffered at the hands of her husband.”

“I think a toast is in order,” said Mayor Butterwick, who was seated next to Uncle Alec, darting loving glances at the big guy from time to time. “To Odelia and Chase, for solving the unsolvable murder of Kirk Weaver, and ridding our town of his killers.”

“Hear, hear,” said Uncle Alec, taking a swig from his Corona beer.

Odelia, as the Mayor spoke these words, lifted her own glass of lemonade, and held it up in a salute to yours truly, a gesture I appreciated. It had been mostly coincidence that had set me on the trail of Jack and Harlan. Being at the right place at the right time. Still, I enjoyed the praise.

“So when are you leaving, Mom?” asked Odelia now.

“Um, well, the tickets are all booked, and so are the hotels. And three weeks from now we’re taking a flight to London!” said Marge happily.

“About time!” said Chase, as he shared a wink with Tex, who held up his tongs in agreement.

“It’s all because of Gabi, really,” said Marge. “If she hadn’t given us the final push, we probably wouldn’t have jumped, even now.”

“I wonder who she is,” said Uncle Alec.

“Dan is refusing to tell me,” said Odelia, when all eyes turned to her. “I’ve asked him and he says he needs to respect Gabi’s desire for privacy, and so I’m not going to snoop.”

“I think she’s one smart lady,” said Mayor Butterwick, or Charlene as everyone was now calling her, even Uncle Alec. “And I’m sure I’m more than grateful for her meddling ways.”

“Those meddling ways led to our first dinner,” said Uncle Alec.

“And I hope to many more,” said Charlene, and shared a sweet kiss with Odelia’s uncle, causing all those around the table to grow a little misty-eyed, and us cats, too.

“I think you couldn’t have chosen a better guy, Charlene,” said Gran. “My Alec is a salt-of-the-earth kind of guy, and you’re a great gal, and I heartily approve of the match.”

“We’re just dating, Ma,” Alec grumbled good-naturedly. “It’s not as if we’re getting married or anything.” Though judging by the looks they gave each other the wedding wasn’t far off.

“Speaking of marriage,” said Scarlett. “Have you two lovebirds finally set a date?”

“Yes, we have,” said Odelia. “It’s going to be a September wedding, and it’s going to be small but beautiful. Isn’t that right, honey?”

“Absolutely, babe,” Chase confirmed. “September fifth, and I hope you’ll all join us as we exchange vows.”

“Oh, dear,” said Marge in a choked voice, and tears trickled from her eyes as she took a seat. “My baby is getting married.”

Odelia was quick to place an arm around her mother’s shoulder, and as Marge dried her eyes, Scarlett announced, “There’s something I’ve been meaning to say, and now seems like a good time to say it. Vesta and I have been best enemies for years, but before that we were best friends. I made a terrible mistake many, many years ago, and I’ve apologized to her, but now I’d like to apologize to you, especially Marge and Alec.”

“There’s no need, Scarlett,” said Vesta.

“Really, Scarlett, it’s fine,” said Marge.

“No, I want to apologize for my terrible judgment and I wanted to add that I’m grateful—extremely grateful—that the rift it caused between our families has finally been healed, because of Vesta’s big heart and…” She was sniffling, and soon needed a tissue, which Marge gladly handed her. “As I was saying, Vesta and I were frenemies for many, many years, and…”

Vesta smiled. “You said frenemies.”

“I did, didn’t?” said Scarlett, smiling through her tears. “Well, I’m just glad we’re friends again. I missed you, buddy.”

“And I missed you,” said Vesta, and both women hugged, and Marge started crying again, and even Chase had tears in his eyes. In fact when I looked around the table, everyone was wiping away tears.

“Why is everybody crying, Max?” asked Dooley, concerned. “Is something wrong?”

“Tears of happiness, Dooley,” I said. “It’s a different kind of tears. The good kind.”

“So there’s a bad kind and a good kind?”

“Exactly, and this is all good. Everybody’s happy. In fact they’re so happy they’re crying.”

“So weird,” said Dooley, shaking his head.

“That’s humans for you,” said Brutus. “They cry when they’re happy, and they laugh when they’re sad. It’s all very confusing.”

He was right, of course, though I could still read my human perfectly, and even though she was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue, I could tell she was happy. Very happy indeed. And when my human is happy, I’m happy, too.

You can call me a pussy, and you’d be right, but I’m the kind of cat who basks in my human’s happiness, and feels for her when she’s sad. And as I watched on, my own eyes a little moist, suddenly I became aware of little steps sounding behind me. And when I turned, I saw that three white mice were crossing the deck, carrying assorted foodstuffs in their tiny but still very muscular little paws. And when they noticed me noticing them, the first one said, in a kind of hushed voice, “Don’t tell our pa, will you, Max!”