Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Advice. Purrfect Passion. A Purrfect Gnomeful

“Harriet wants to be on that show,” said Brutus. “And Gran told her she’s going to help her.”

Odelia laughed. “Of course she did.” She patted Brutus on the head. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Brutus. The day Harriet is selected for Passion Island is the day hell freezes over.” And with these sage words, she entered the kitchen to start fixing herself and Chase some breakfast.

Chapter 3

Suddenly the sliding glass door that looks out onto the backyard opened and Gran walked in, followed by none other than Harriet herself. They both had those looks of determination in their eyes that spelled trouble.

“Odelia, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” said Gran in a tone of voice that brooked no contest.

“Oh, hey, Gran,” said Odelia. “Are you joining us for breakfast?”

“Yeah, sure,” said Gran. “Look, I’m going crazy next door, with your mom and dad in Europe, and I was thinking—“

“Coffee?”

“Yeah. So I’ve been thinking—“

“Milk and sugar?”

“You know I take my coffee black, honey,” said Gran, taking a seat on one of the high stools at the kitchen counter.

Odelia smiled, and I could tell she wasn’t fully awake yet. It takes a heavy dose of caffeine to accomplish that minor feat, and she hadn’t had hers yet.

Chase came stomping down the stairs, yawning cavernously and stretching. “I had the weirdest dream,” he announced to no one in particular. “I dreamt that I was on an island and there were only women. Can you imagine? I was the only male on an island filled with the most gorgeous wo—“ He suddenly became aware he was being intently watched by his future grandmother-in-law, and quickly shut up. Waking up on an island filled with gorgeous women may be every man’s fantasy, it clearly wasn’t Gran’s.

Odelia took it in stride, though. “Well, isn’t that a coincidence? I dreamt I was on a desert island filled with gorgeous men, all catering to my every need. Crazy, huh?”

Immediately, Chase’s expression soured. “I don’t know what’s so wonderful about an island full of men,” he grumbled as he dug into the fridge and came out with the OJ.

“Well, I enjoyed it,” said Odelia. “You were saying, Gran?”

“Thank you,” said Gran. “Before I was so rudely interrupted …” She raised her voice as she spoke this last word, casting a censorious look at Chase, which the latter ignored as he was clearly still ruminating on Odelia’s island-of-gorgeous-males dream. “… I was going to tell you that I’ve decided to move in with you guys again. Isn’t that great?”

Chase, who’d been glugging down his orange juice straight from the container, choked and spat out a stream of the orange stuff straight into the sink. Some of it came out of his nose.

“You what?” he said, not exactly with the kind of warmth and welcoming attitude a woman expects from the man who’s about to plight his troth to her granddaughter.

“It’s just that I’ve been feeling a little lonely lately, all alone in that big old house.”

“You have your cats,” Chase pointed out as he wiped his face with a paper towel.

“It’s not the same without my daughter and her husband,” said Gran decidedly, “so I’ve decided to move in with you until they’re back from their trip through Europe. Now if you could prepare me a slice of toast, very crisp, lightly buttered, there’s a good boy.”

I saw how Chase exchanged a flabbergasted look with Odelia, the latter merely responding with a sigh and a shrug, and I felt for the big guy. I mean, it’s one thing to fall in love with a chirpy, happy, peppy blonde and move in with her, but quite another to get a slightly irritating older lady as a surprise bonus when you do.

“If gran is moving in with Odelia and Chase,” said Harriet, “Brutus and I are also moving back in.”

“Back?” I asked. “What do you mean, back? You’ve only ever lived next door, Harriet.”

“Yeah, and now I’m moving in with you, Max,” she said tersely. “Got a problem with that?”

Warning bells went off in my head, and a good thing they did, as many a cat has been on the receiving end of Harriet’s sharp tongue, and claws, in the past, and I wasn’t in the mood for either a tongue lashing, or a demonstration of just how sharp those claws were.

“No, no,” I hurried to say. “It’s perfectly fine with me.”

“If you do move in,” said Dooley, “we’ll probably have to negotiate a new peace treaty. Just like we did with Hector and Helga. I suggest Max and I get the downstairs, and you guys can have the upstairs. The basement, of course, belongs to the mice.”

“What are you talking about, Dooley?” asked Harriet, an expression of annoyance having crept up her pretty face.

“Well, when Hector moved in, Max negotiated a peace treaty,” Dooley explained, as I made frantic gestures for him to stop talking. Gestures, unfortunately, he blithely ignored. “So it’s only fair we do the same thing with you. Max, do you want to start?” He gave Harriet a warm smile. “Max is a skilled negotiator. Isn’t that right, Max?”

I cleared my throat as Harriet turned those fiery eyes on me. “Is that a fact?” she said.

“Well, obviously there’s a slight difference between a colony of mice moving in and two dear, dear friends like yourself and Brutus,” I prevaricated.

“Oh, is there now?” said Harriet, having adopted the kind of smooth tone that usually precipitates an outburst of volcanic proportions.

“Yeah, so I don’t think we need to go through all of that nonsense. Instead I’d like to extend the paw of friendship and bid you welcome in our humble home. Mi casa es su casa , and all that.”

Harriet, whose lips had drawn together in a thin line, nodded once. “Sometimes, Max, I wonder if you really are as smart as you think you are. First off, this isn’t your casa at all. This is our casa, and so for you to welcome me into my own home is simply… simply…” She stomped her foot. “Aaargh!” she finished her statement with some eloquence, and made a beeline for the kitchen and her bowl of kibble.

“We probably should tell Odelia to place Harriet and Brutus’s bowls on the landing,” said Dooley with a thoughtful glance at Harriet’s retreating back. “And your litter boxes, of course,” he added for Brutus’s benefit.

I had a feeling that it was going to take me the better part of my designated nap time to try and explain to Dooley that there was going to be no peace treaty and no divvying up the house. But then what else is new?

Chapter 4

Odelia and Chase were enjoying a hearty breakfast with Odelia’s grandmother while the cats made arrangements for Harriet and Brutus to move in—though technically cats never ‘move in’ anywhere. They make their home wherever they like, and their humans simply have to accept it.

“So you miss Tex, huh?” said Chase as he ladled up his power breakfast. It consisted of oats, fruits, a fermented almond paste he made himself, and dates to add sweetness.

Gran’s eyes shot daggers at Odelia’s fiancé. “Of course I don’t miss Tex. It’s just that at my age any change of routine is a lot harder to bear. You’ll see when you’re as old as me.”

“You’re not that old, Gran,” said Odelia, earning herself a smile from her grandmother.

“Thanks, honey,” said Gran, affectionately patting her granddaughter on the cheek. She brought her piece of toast, now liberally smeared with strawberry jam, to her lips and took a big bite. There was nothing wrong with Gran’s appetite.

“I miss Mom and Dad,” said Odelia. “Though I’m happy they finally got the chance to fulfill an old dream.”