Michael Buckley - The Unusual Suspects

"My driving isn't that bad, is it?" the old woman asked.

"Yes!"everyone shouted.

Once the house was unlocked, the family staggered inside, with Sabrina quietly cursing one of the worst days of her life.

Puck was sprawled across the couch. He had moved the books away from the television and was watching it with the sound all the way up. The boy was surrounded by three delivery pizza boxes, empty bags of chips, a leaky carton of ice cream, and a two-liter bottle of soda from which he was currently drinking. On his belly was a can of spray cheese and when he saw the family limp into the house, he put down the soda and lifted the cheese can, spraying an enormous portion into his mouth. Then he gargled with it. Once he had swallowed the greasy orange junk food, he let out an enormous belch that actually rattled the windows.

"Old lady!" he crowed. "You've been hiding this magic box from me! You can see other worlds on it. I just watched a man and his talking sports car jump across a river!"

Sabrina felt her exhaustion turn instantly to anger. From their expressions, she could see the rest of the family felt the same way. While they had been hunted by a frog monstet, Puck had had the best day of his life. Fate was cruel.

"What?" he said defensively, noticing their glares.

Granny started dinner and patiently explained to Puck what had happened to them. The boy seemed to think Mr. Grumpner's murder was fascinating and was terribly depressed that he hadn't seen the frog-girl.

"Was she ugly?" he asked. "Why is it that I miss all the fun?"

"I guess you just don't have our luck," Sabrina grumbled.

"I hope the two of you washed," he said to the girls. "Frogs give you warts and it sounds like the one you fought off was mighty big. I wouldn't be surprised if you wake up in the morning and find you are one giant brown wart."

Daphne's eyes grew as big as saucers. "Nuh-uh," she said.

"Sorry, kiddo, but if you hurry and take a bath it might not be too late!" Puck advised.

The little girl rushed out of the kitchen and could be heard running through the house and up to the bathroom.

"You shouldn't tease her like that," Sabrina said, vigorously washing her hands at the kitchen sink.

"Puck, do you know the Widow?" Granny Relda asked as she got up to stir a pot of soup on the stove.

"Of course," Puck replied. "Queen of the crows."

"Go get her," Granny Relda said.

"Why?" he asked. "Are we going to cook her?"

"Of course not," Granny said, horrified. "I have some questions for her."

"Since when does the Trickster King act as your messenger, old lady?" the boy asked.

"Since he started living under her roof," Mr. Canis growled. He slammed his fist down hard on the kitchen counter, causing the sugar bowl to lose its lid. "This is serious business, boy. Now go!"

Puck eyed Canis stubbornly. "Villains do not run errands!"

The old man's eyes turned ice blue and a bit of his Wolf voice came out. "I'll show you a villain, Trickster."

Glistening wings sprang from Puck's back and flapped loudly. He flew quickly through the house and slammed the front door as he left.

Mr. Canis leaned against the kitchen doorway and tried to catch his breath. This was the first day he had been out of his room in three weeks and it hadn't been an easy one. If the old man was struggling with keeping his emotions in check, the last four hours had been an incredible test.

"Mr. Canis," Granny said, rubbing the old man's back with her palm. "Go and rest."

"There may be more danger," Canis insisted.

"Old friend, I already have three children arguing all the time," Granny Relda scolded, "I do not need another."

The old man nodded and shuffled out of the kitchen.

"Who's the Widow?" Sabrina asked.

"Hans Christian Andersen wrote about her in 'The Nightingale.' She's an old friend," Granny said. "She might be able to shed some light on the crow feathers we found. She's sort of an expert on birds."

"So you don't think the frog-girl killed Mr. Grumpner?" Sabrina said.

"No, liebling,frogs don't make webs," the old woman said.

"Neither do birds."

"True. But the birds may have seen something."

When dinner was ready, Granny and the girls met in the dining room. Daphne's skin was red from scrubbing and her hair was wrapped up in a big white towel. The family took their seats and Granny served herself and the girls some hot soup and buttered rolls. The soup tasted like warm butterscotch pudding but Sabrina was so hungry she didn't have the strength to make her usual complaint about her grandmother's weird food.

Between slurps of soup, the old woman jotted some notes in her notebook.

"Well, then, it looks like we've got two monsters on our hands, now," Granny Relda said. "One frog-girl…"

"An a ian ida,"Daphne mumbled between bites of bread.

"What?'

Daphne swallowed. "And a giant spider," she repeated and then immediately stuffed another oversized bite into her mouth.

"I agree," Granny Relda said. "Charming was way off on his 'army of spiders' theory. I think it was one big one."

"Don't forget the broken window," Sabrina said. "That's how it got inside."

"Maybe," Granny replied.

"You don't think so?" the girl asked.

"The glass was all over the floor, so something came through that window, and by how spread out the shards of glass were, I'd say it came in fast."

"Urds," Daphne mumbled, with a mouthful of soup.

"Right, the birds," Sabrina said. "The black feathers were underneath the window. But that's where I get confused. Why would birds have come into the room?"

"Birds eat spiders," Granny Relda explained as she stood up and crossed the room to a pile of books stacked next to the radiator. She tugged at a couple in the middle of the stack and sent the rest tumbling to the ground. She left the fallen pile where it was and returned to the table. Granny wasn't much of a housekeeper.

"This book is just about everything ever written on giant monster spiders," Granny Relda said, setting it in front of the girls. "It's a bit dry, and the author has an unhealthy fear of certain animals, but it might be helpful."

Sabrina eyed the book, entitled Magical Mutations of Insects, Reptiles, and Kitties.She opened the cover and saw a crude drawing of a giant kitten chewing on several screaming farmers. She flipped to another page and a thin pamphlet fell out. She picked it up and examined it. The cover read Rumpelstiltskin's Secret Nature.

"What's this?" she said, leafing through it. The pages were filled with tiny, neat writing.

"I've been looking for that for ages," Granny said. "That's a book your great aunt Matilda Grimm wrote."

Daphne took the pamphlet. "Rumpel… rumpel… what's this say?"

"It's called Rumpelstiltskin's Secret Nature,"her grandmother said, taking the booklet from the little girl. "Matilda wrote a lot about Rumpelstiltskin. You could say she was one of the few fairy-tale specialists in this family. She had dozens of theories on why Rumpelstiltskin kept trying to trick people out of their firstborn children. You should read it when you get a chance."

"I'll check this out later," Sabrina said, setting the mutations book aside.

"Anyone for more camel hump soup?" Granny Relda asked as she got up from the table.

"This is made from a camel's hump?" Sabrina cried, dropping her spoon as images of a sweaty, flea-covered camel danced around in her mind. She'd seen one at the Bronx Zoo with her father and could still smell its rank breath years later. She felt sick.

"Actually, it's two-hump camel soup but I only use the second hump," Granny Relda explained. "The first hump is a little tough, and besides, it's the second hump that has all the flavor."