Tarquin Hall - The Case of the Man Who Died Laughing

“I see, sir,” said Elizabeth Rani, but she was still frowning.

“There is something else I can help you with?” asked Puri.

“Yes, sir. What was the role of Dr. Jha’s widow in all this?”

“Naturally she knew from day one her husband was not dead, that the Kali murder was totally fake.”

“So the wine and flowers Professor Pandey bought that night he went to visit Mrs. Jha – those were actually from Dr. Jha?”

“Correct, Madam Rani. Dr. Jha was posing as Pandey’s driver so as to get around unrecognized. He was in disguise, actually. Naturally when Tubelight saw the good professor giving Mrs. Jha one embrace, he was not aware her husband was also present.”

It took his secretary a few seconds to decipher Puri’s syntax before she nodded and said: “I think I understand, sir.”

“The truth is, Madam Rani, Vish Puri was slow on the uptake,” he said with a mournful shake of his head. “Moment I saw that picture in Pandey’s office – the one of him standing along with Dr. Jha – I should have known the two were in this thing together.”

Elizabeth Rani took her cue. “But how were you to know, sir?” she said.

“It is my business to know, no?”

“Sir, the plan was so elaborate and perfectly executed,” she stressed. “Who could have ever guessed that Dr. Jha’s cremation was staged? What with all his near or dear present.”

“Most kind of you, Madam Rani,” said Puri, shaking off his self-pity. “As usual you are quite correct.”

She sighed. “What a remarkable case it’s been,” she commented.

“Undoubtedly, Madam Rani. One of the most remarkable till date. And even now, as we speak, it is not seen the curtains go down.”

There were two loose ends.

Puri decided to deal with them both before heading home to catch up on some sleep.

The first was Shivraj Sharma.

He called Shashi to get the latest on the archaeologist’s movements and asked him in Hindi: “Where did Fossil go?”

“B Block, Sector Forty-four, Boss. It’s a church.”

“He went inside?”

“He put an envelope through the letter box.”

“And after?”

“He went home, Boss. Then this morning, very early, he returned to NOIDA. This time to a different address in B Block. The Christian priest who works at the church lives there. Fossil followed him for half an hour and then drove to work.

“One other thing, Boss,” continued Shashi. “We got hold of his garbage this morning. It contained some copies of Dainik Bhaskar . They were in tatters, lots of pieces cut with scissors. Looked like rats got at them.”

Puri immediately called the church and asked to speak with the priest. Father James confirmed that he had received a strange note in his postbox that morning – the Hindi letters all cut from a newspaper.

“What it said exactly, Father?” asked Puri.

“It was a quote from a Hindu text – something about how all unbelievers would be purged.”

“Whenever there is a withering of the law; and an uprising of lawlessness on all sides; then I manifest myself,” quoted Puri.

“Yes that’s it.”

“You called the cops, Father?”

“Why bother? We get threats all the time and they never show any concern, let alone investigate.”

“It is most important you keep the note safe – and the envelope, also,” the detective told him.

Puri decided to hold off from calling Singh and briefing him about Sharma. It could wait until tomorrow. The archaeologist was a hatemonger aspiring to be a murderer and not an immediate threat to anyone.

He checked his watch. It was nearly twelve. Time to contact the health minister’s secretary – the last loose thread.

“Vish Puri, Most Private Investigators Ltd., this side,” he said politely when his call was answered. “Sir asked me to revert this morning. You were made aware? Exactly. You’d be good enough to pass on my answer? Fine. Be good enough to tell him following: It is with regret I must decline his generous offer. Actually, I am very much engaged in getting my shoes polished.”

Vish Puri was at home in his sitting room laughing so hard the tears were rolling down his face. His mother, who had come to visit, was also having convulsions.

“What a total duffer!” she guffawed. “There’s daal in that head of his or what?”

Jaiya, who was by now six weeks from her due date – it being a week after Maharaj Swami’s disappearance – waddled into the room with a quizzical smile.

“What’s so funny?” she asked, lowering herself into one of the armchairs.

“Sorry, na,” said Mummy through a grin she could barely control. “Just we’re talking about Bagga-ji.”

“Oh God, what’s he done now?”

“Go ahead and tell her, Chubby,” prompted Rumpi as she returned from the kitchen with a tray of tea and chillas. “Jaiya, you’ve got to hear this. Even by Uncle’s standards, well, it… bagga-rs belief!”

Everyone burst into laughter again. It was a good minute before Puri was able to pull himself together and let his daughter in on the joke.

“Beta, you remember Baggage-ji was here the night you arrived, no? Talking about some money-minting scheme?”

“I remember.” She did an impression of him in a strong yokel accent: “‘I’ll soon be richest man in aaall Paannjaaab!’ Didn’t some construction company want to build a mall on his land?”

“Correct.”

“Let me guess. The company is a bogus one.”

“No, no, company is bilkul real.”

“So?”

Puri went on to describe his visit to his brother-in-law’s drinking den in Punjabi Bagh and how Bagga had admitted that he was planning to buy his neighbor’s land for one crore, hoping to sell it to the construction company at a profit. The detective also described the priceless expression on Bagga’s face when he had cursed him and stormed out.

“Papa, I don’t understand,” said Jaiya. “What was so wrong about Uncle buying the other land?”

“Obviously its owner, a most cunning gentleman by name of Jasbir Jaggi, was giving Bagga the squeeze.”

“How?”

“See… Mr. Jaggi wanted to sell some land adjacent to Bagga-ji’s. But it had market value of maximum half crore . So the fellow devised one plan. He asked his friend and associate working at the construction company to contact Bagga and make him one offer. ‘Tell him you want to build one mall on his land. Mention you require the adjacent land also’.”

“The adjacent land being owned by Jasbir Jaggi?” asked Jaiya.

“Correct. Knowing his greedy and idiotic nature, Jaggi was certain Bagga would try to buy it for himself.”

“With the idea of selling it to the construction company at a profit… now I see.” Jaiya shook her head in disbelief. “So presumably Bagga went to Jaggi and asked to buy his land for one crore and of course he accepted.”

“Exactly. That is why he required one crore. I got him to admit to the plan by offering to loan him the amount. Naturally I never intended to give him the money.”

“So did you warn him about Jaggi, Papa?”

“Naturally I told Preeti and she in turn tried to convince Bagga-ji,” answered Puri. “But he refused to believe.”

“He went ahead anyway?” asked Jaiya, wide-eyed, with her hands half covering her face.

Puri smiled. “What happened was this,” he said. “Bagga visited the construction company. There he begged Jaggi’s associate to build a smaller mall on his land. You know what this fellow told him? That he would not build even one public urinal there. Then he abused him and told him, ‘Get out!’