Iris Johansen - Quicksand

He chuckled and rose to his feet. "Good night, Eve. I'll be in touch. Probably not with you, because you're too wary right now."

"And Joe's not?"

"Quinn and I understand each other." He headed for the steps. "In time we can bridge our differences."

"You're dreaming." She paused. "Why are you doing this? Why go to such lengths?"

"Miguel once asked me if you were worth it. I told him yes." He stood there at the top of the steps looking back at her. He added simply, "And I'm lonely. I find it difficult to come close to many people. I'd miss you if you weren't in my life. So I'm going to arrange it so that you stay."

She shouldn't be this moved. No one was tougher or more able to take care of himself than Montalvo. Yet she couldn't doubt his sincerity. "You know, this may boomerang against you. You say you're going to be Joe's best friend and yet you're planning on standing apart." She smiled. "I know Joe. There's no standing apart from him. It's all or nothing. You say that you understand him. You may find that you develop as much affection for him as you have for Miguel. Wouldn't that be funny?"

"No, it would not be funny." He lifted his hand in farewell. "But I'll take my chances. What's life without a little uncertainty?"

She watched him walk down the stairs. What a difficult man. He was full of complexities and character shadings that could keep you guessing and probing into infinity. This latest development had taken her completely by surprise. Was it calculating? Yes, but there had been that moment of vulnerability too. It was better not to think of Montalvo as vulnerable. With any luck he would be out of her life before long. In spite of his confidence in his success, it would be like climbing a mountain to overcome Joe's antagonism. Montalvo did have a certain sense of honor and she believed him when he said that he wouldn't interfere between Joe and her. If there was no other access, then the door would close and he would go away. She felt again that unreasonable pang of sadness. It was natural, when a force like Montalvo moved out of your life, that you'd experience a sense of loss. It would go away.

She got to her feet and moved toward the screen door. She would go take a shower and change. Then she'd go through her correspondence and wait for Joe to call her.

And hope that there would be news of Bonnie.

SHE STOOD WATCHING FROMthe porch as Joe's car drove up the road three hours later.

He looked exhausted, she thought as he got out of the car. Why not? It had been almost thirty-six hours since either one of them had gotten any sleep.

"You shouldn't have stayed up. I would have woken you." He came up the steps. "I know what's important."

"I didn't want to go to bed." She tensed. "Tell me."

"No Bonnie. They're still searching the island, but they brought over some instruments from Jacksonville and there don't appear to be any buried bone fragments." He took her in his arms and buried his face in her hair. "God, I'm sorry."

"Me too," she whispered.

"And Bonnie's favorite song? We found a story in a Macon, Georgia, paper about Bonnie that mentioned it."

"And Kistle could have read it and remembered." Her arms slid around him. He was warm and hard and blessedly comforting. She could feel the tears welling, but she blinked them back. "But I think I was expecting it. When I saw Kistle's expression when he started backing away from telling me where Bonnie was buried, I was afraid that he'd been lying to me about everything." Her voice was muffled against him. "God, it's going to be hard to keep on searching after this, Joe."

"Then don't do it."

She shook her head. "Kistle wasn't the only name Montalvo gave me. There were two others."

"And you're already thinking about the next man on the list. I knew it would be like this. I don't know if I can-" He was rocking her in an agony of pain. "It was too bad this time, Eve. It almost killed you. And part of me died a little too. I can't care about Bonnie. I'm sorry but that's the way it is. I'm not sure I can watch you go through- I feel you stiffening against me. Don't do that."

She hadn't known she had been pushing him away. It was instinctive rejection because of the panic his words were bringing. "I can't help it." She kissed him and then stepped back. It was the last thing she wanted to do. She wanted to stay in his arms, convince him to stay forever. She couldn't do it. She didn't know how many times she'd unconsciously tried to sway him, keep him close. It wasn't fair to him. If she was hurting him, then she should stand aside. "And I can't help you with this, Joe." She added unsteadily, "It's got to be your decision." She moved toward the kitchen. "But don't make it exhausted and on edge. We'll talk about it tomorrow. I've made a pot of coffee. Let's just sit and talk and then go to bed." She poured coffee into a mug. "I made it decaf, but I don't think it would make a difference. We'll both sleep."

He nodded. "I saw that Montalvo's camp was gone when I drove in."

"Yes, he dropped Miguel off at the hospital and broke it down himself."

Joe looked down at his coffee. "He came up to tell you about it?"

"Yes, and to tell me how grateful he was that you'd saved his life."

"I should have let that alligator eat the bastard."

She smiled. "He also told me that you hadn't done it willingly."

"Damn straight."

"But he said it didn't matter and he was going to make himself your new best friend."

"What an ass." He took a drink of his coffee. "We've identified fifteen of the victims so far. We'll try to find case reports on the others, but we may be asking your help for a couple of them."

She nodded. "Though I might be able to ask Megan if she remembered any of the names of her voices. It could help."

"We'll take any help we can get." He gazed across the table at her. "Even Megan Blair's."

"You believed her, Joe. Maybe you didn't want to believe her, but you did."

"I believed her." He grimaced. "That doesn't mean I'd believe her on another case. I'd step very carefully."

"I wouldn't expect anything else of you." She looked away from him. "But at least you're willing to accept that everything isn't exactly as it might seem to you. That's a small breakthrough."

"I don't know what I'd accept or not accept. My good sense is telling me that I shouldn't believe any of this. As I said, once I have time to analyze, she'd probably have a hard time convincing me."

"I doubt if it will come up. I don't think Megan's going to be involved in any other cases anytime soon. This one could have killed her if you hadn't kept her warm on the way back to the dock. She was in severe shock."

"What else could I do?" He downed the rest of his coffee. "Shower and then bed. Coming?"

Conversation over coffee, shower, bed; the familiar routines that made up their lives. She could sense the edge of darkness in him that could cut them apart, but he wasn't letting it surface. Not yet. So hold those beloved routines close. There was no guessing how long they would exist.

She smiled and got to her feet. "Always."

JOE WAS ASLEEP WITHINminutes after he had hit the bed, but Eve lay awake. She should be as exhausted as Joe and she supposed she was. But the memories and sadness wouldn't go away. Memories and the worry about what was to come.

Joe would leave her. Perhaps not this week or this month, but it would happen. He couldn't stand the thought of continuing the search for Bonnie and she couldn't bear not to do it.

I can't care about Bonnie. I'm sorry but that's the way it is. I'm not sure I can watch you go through -

She could understand his pain, but she couldn't help him. The only thing she could do was wait and try to prepare herself for what was to come.