Colin Palmer - Steven. Crazy on You

Steven watched him go, then turned back to the trio. Marc looked at him.

“Grab a chair Stag, we is having ourselves a problem”.

Harry turned out to be quite brilliant, mid 30's, a lot of experience and background, always dressed like an absolute dag, cord jeans, no belt, sand shoes, a t-shirt in summer covered by assorted flannelette shirts in winter, and an old army green jacket and a moth eaten Rabbitohs beanie on really cold days.

“You play?” Harry had asked Steven one day.

“Used to, and a closet South Sydney supporter as well, from the good old days in the late sixties early seventies”.

Harry seemed to believe that made Steven alright, not that many people would admit to being a Rabbitohs’ supporter anymore, closet or otherwise. On that first morning, Harry ran Steven through the ropes, and Steven was smart enough to listen and learn, like he was being paid to do at that time.

“Monica? She’s a dyke man.” This was his reply to Stevens question at a smoko break. “But a good dyke you understand. She ain’t the best at having original ideas, but she is a whiz with freehand, and anything we can come up with she just makes it come alive on the computer man. But don’t go thinkin’ you can convert her or anythin’ man, ‘coz she is dyke through and through, even lives with her girlfriend and let me tell ya, she’s the one that wears the pants in that duo, if you get my drift. So don’t go stirring her up ‘coz she’s a part of the team that plays hard and wins. That’s us, me Marc and her, we’re all brothers!”

At that, he laughed. His laughter ended abruptly in a coughing spasm, a sickening uncontrollable wet cough that made Steven almost retch.

“Gotta give up these damn smokes man” Harry said, and hurtled the half butt off the landing into the street.

Steven saw the glistening eyes and felt his pain, but didn’t know what to do. Sickness and death was fairly foreign to him, personally.

“What, what about Marc?” It was all he could think of to say.

Harry looked directly at Steven who recognized a ‘thanks for not mentioning it look’.

“Yeah, Marc, he’s quiet ain’t he?” Harry wiped his face on his sleeve and continued. “He’s one of those guys who is always thinking, quiet as a church mouse until something clicks in his head. An’ then try and shut ‘im up man, once he gets going the idea just formulates itself, sometimes as it’s coming out of his mouth I swear. But he’s like me man, runnin’ out of time, in his forties, you didn’t think he’s was that old did ya (he said after seeing Stevens’ surprised look), and beginning to get exhausted at the amount we have to produce now. Wellesley obviously thinks you have the goods, that’s why he put you with us and not one of the other groups. Consider yourself privileged”.

“I am” Steven said honestly.

Work was great, Steven did learn a lot, not only from Harry but also Monica. She was good, very good, and Steven let her know he thought that without appearing to be patronising. He fitted in well with all three of them and even got around the office a bit to see how all the others worked (and to check out the available talent). He had lunch with Kate a couple of times, she was very difficult to talk to but he eventually got her talking freely enough about most things, other than herself anyway. One time he even touched her softly on the cheek with his hand when they had been talking about a sad event on TV and she had just looked at him with those big puppy dog eyes and nestled her cheek against the palm of his hand. Steven asked her to go out that night and she responded yes immediately, even though it was still accompanied by her normal stuttering whenever she was nervous, which with Steven, was always.

Another girl in the office really took his fancy. Debbie was a lithesome blonde who reminded him a little of Glenda from his school days. She had bright baby blue eyes and always wore form fitting clothes, which he appreciated greatly.

But it was Monica who had Steven perplexed. Homosexuality was not a new topic to him – he had visited Sydney and the Gold Coast enough to recognise the male versions but lesbianism was something that both excited and interested him, and Monica represented all of that. He became quite chummy with her, and after some time she began responding to him more in line with what he was used to from women, but always with an aloofness that made him more determined. Near the end of one work day, she turned to him.

“What do you see in Kate?”

They had been driving a particular train of thought on a new campaign for the past few hours and the question pretty much arrived out of the blue. Marc and Harry looked at each other, then looked at Steven. Steven thought he saw Harry shake his head imperceptibly.

“What do you see in her?” Steven responded.

“She’s naive and innocent and not your type at all but you just see her as a conquest to be had” she replied matter of factly.

“Yeah, but what do you see in her?” he repeated.

“She’s nice Steve, so why don’t you just leave her be”.

Monica did not hide her homosexuality but she did not openly discuss it either.

“Am I poaching on your territory?”

Stevens’ question initiated the beginning of one of Harry’s coughing fits that saw him get up and leave for the toilet immediately, with Marc following to make sure he was alright.

“You think you know it all don’t you?” Monica finally spoke after waiting for Steven to look back at her. “Let me tell you, that from all of the people around here and probably elsewhere, I know how you tick more than anybody else does, and you have a lot to learn about women and sexuality Steven”.

“So who’s going to teach me? You?”

Steven said it with more than a touch of sarcasm. Monica’s eyes softened a little and she appeared to focus past Steven for a second. She returned her gaze directly at him.

“Steven, I have been a lesbian for all of my adult life, and probably a fair portion of time before that. It doesn’t mean I am any the less intelligent or observant, and it does not qualify me as an expert in anything, but what I do know is that you are preying on poor Kate, and she is being taken in by you hook, line and sinker. She’s naive and gullible Steven”.

He listened, shook his head a couple of times as if to clear it, and frowned heavily at her.

“I don’t know what you’re saying…” he began…

“You know exactly what I mean” she cut in abruptly. Steven shook his head again and then his eyes widened when she added “come over my house tonight, me and Di wanna talk to you”.

It was a direction and Steven was bewildered, but she obviously considered the discussion over as she turned her attention back to the computer. He started to speak but she shook her head at him, and then Harry and Marc were back. Harry looked at him and pulled a face from behind Monica. Monica responded by flinging her head back and collecting him straight in the solar plexus.

“I saw your reflection in the screen” she answered.

“Be careful” is all Harry said later, when Steven told him about the invitation.

“Of what?”

“Maybe your luck’s in man, maybe she has been discussing you with Di and they’ve decided to teach you a lesson the only way dykes can, I dunno man but just be careful”.

“Oh, so I should take more than one condom!” Steven laughed.

“Look Katie, I’m really sorry about tonight but we are all going to Monicas’ to work on this ad” Steven told her. “But hey look, it’s Friday tomorrow, maybe you’d like to go to the drive-in or something?”

“Okay, yes of course, work is important, I do understand. I, I’m not sure about tomorrow, you know, I don’t think that the drive-in is such a great idea, I think…”.