Jane Austen - Pride and Prejudice, a play founded on Jane Austen's novel

Lizzy – out walking with Mr. Collins? Why didn't you go, Jane?

I had to practise with Lydia.

I'm sure I would have excused you. But what is Mr. Collins here for, mamma? I am sure I caught Mr. Wickham and Colonel Forster laughing at him the day we went to Meryton. Why does papa have a cousin like that?

He really cannot help it. It is the entail, my love – [ Mysteriously. ] But I hope that all you girls will be very civil to him, Jane especially.

I – mamma?

[ Embarrassed. ] Yes – my love. – You see —

[ She is interrupted by the sound of laughter outside, and Elizabeth's voice. ]

Very well, Mr. Collins.

[Mrs. Bennet makes a sudden awed gesture of silence to the girls, who fail to understand. Elizabeth enters by the glass doors. She is dressed in winter walking costume: a large hat, – fur-trimmed pelerine, and a large muff. She stops in the doorway and looks at Mrs. Bennet, half puzzled and smiling. ]

Well, what is it, mamma? What is the matter?

Nothing. Hush! What have you done with Mr. Collins?

[ Laughing. ] Oh, Mr. Collins is safe! He has gone round to the library.

[ With a sigh of relief. ] How providential!

[ Looking back. ] But I have brought someone else with me.

[Mr. Wickham and Charlotte Lucas come in gaily. ]

[ Exclaiming. ] Oh, Mr. Wickham!

[ To Mrs. Bennet.] How do you do, Mrs. Bennet? This is indeed a pleasure. [ Going over to Jane.] Miss Bennet, I am so glad to see you. [ Reproachfully. ] You were not with our party! [ To Lydia.] Why do you never come to Meryton, Miss Lydia? Mr. Denny is quite downcast.

[ Pouting. ] La, Mr. Denny!

And many others beside him, Miss Lydia.

[Lydia giggles. Wickham returns to Mrs. Bennet.]

Well, 'tis an age since we saw you, Mr. Wickham. What have you been doing?

Colonel Forster keeps me so busy that I have no time for enjoyment.

Yes, Mr. Wickham bears all the marks of an harassed and overworked man.

[ Bowing to Elizabeth.] Thank you, Miss Elizabeth. You have given me the very terms I needed. [ To Mrs. Bennet.] You see before you, Mrs. Bennet, an harassed and overworked man. Miss Elizabeth will bear witness that I was on my way to a business appointment when I yielded to temptation and went off for a walk with her and Miss Lucas and their irreproachable escort.

And Miss Elizabeth will also testify that you yielded with the celerity and ease of long practice.

[ Laughing; to Elizabeth.] But in this case who was the tempter?

Oh, I will admit that Mr. Collins was partially responsible.

[ All laugh. ]

Come, Lizzy, you have been talking to Mr. Wickham all the morning. Now, let some of the rest of us have a chance. [ Turning to Wickham.] You must stay to dinner, Mr. Wickham.

I wish I might. That is indeed a temptation. But you know Miss Elizabeth has just reminded me of my duty.

Oh, nobody ever minds Lizzy!

Truly, I cannot to-day, Mrs. Bennet. It is too bad, but I am to meet Colonel Forster [ Smiling at Elizabeth] on important business at the Drake Farm.

Well, I am very sorry.

[ Hesitatingly. ] I might perhaps bring Colonel Forster in for a few moments on the way back – that is, if we return this way.

Oh, yes, do.

Yes, indeed. Tell Colonel Forster we should be delighted to see him.

Thank you, I will. But now I really must be gone. [ Bowing brightly to Jane and Lydia.] Good morning.

[ To Charlotte Lucas.] Good morning, Miss Lucas. You must let me hear more about those clever plans of yours. I am vastly interested in them. [ To Elizabeth.] Good morning, Miss Elizabeth. [ Laughing. ] You must try to temper your justice with mercy the next time I join you in a walk. [ Pausing, he looks at Mrs. Bennet, who is standing between her daughters. ] Do you know, Mrs. Bennet, that you always remind me of one of my old schoolboy phrases. Filiæ pulchræ! – Mater pulchrior! Good-bye.

[ He runs off laughing. He has only gone a few steps when Lydia, who has been standing close to the door, runs out and calls to him. ]

Oh, Mr. Wickham!

[Wickham turns and Lydia runs up to him and whispers something in his ear. Wickham laughs, then shakes his finger at her, still laughing, and goes off. Lydia stops outside and watches him. ]

Really, mamma, I think you should speak to Lydia. She is too forward.

Nonsense! You are jealous.

Jealous! Of Lydia?

Well, she is no more forward than any of you. All you girls are crazy about Mr. Wickham. [ Indulgently. ] But I can't wonder at it. He certainly is a most engaging young man. What were those French words he said to me as he went out, Lizzy?

They were Latin, dear. He paid a very charming compliment to our pretty mamma. He said – The daughters are lovely, but the mother is lovelier. You know papa always says that you are handsomer than any of us.

My dear Lizzy, I certainly have had my share of beauty, but I don't pretend to be anything extraordinary now. [Mr. Collins enters. ] Oh, Mr. Collins, there you are.

[ Bowing profoundly. ] I do not find Mr. Bennet in the library, Madam. Do you know where he is?

Why, really, Mr. Collins, I can't imagine. Did you enjoy your walk?

Most assuredly, Madam. The beauties of nature, not only in the landscape, but also [ Bowing to Elizabeth and Charlotte Lucas.] in the blooming countenances of my fair companions, made our expedition a peculiarly enjoyable one.

Well, I am very glad of it, I am sure. [ To Jane and Lydia.] Girls, we haven't told Lizzy and Charlotte the news.

What news, mamma?

[ Looking at Charlotte with an ill-concealed triumph .] Oh, nothing of consequence, Lizzy, only your father has just told us that we may expect a visit at any time from our new neighbour, Mr. Bingley, and that friend of his who is stopping with him.

Oh, Mr. Bingley! That will be entertaining. [ Suddenly with mischief she turns to Mr. Collins, who all through this latter conversation has been staring at Jane with solemn persistence .] Do not you think so, Mr. Collins?

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